Editor's note: Resource Perspectives features articles written by members of Lovefraud's Professional Resources Guide. Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships. Dark Soul as a destroyer By Sarah Strudwick Sarah Strudwick profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide Psychopaths are known for their lack of fear, but at the same time they often have other associated personality disorders along side, such as malignant narcissism. Deep down they have a sense of self-hatred and loathing, which is why they feel the need to have a constant fix of kind loving, empathic individuals that they can then slowly pull d …
When our strengths become our downfall
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I've been reading some interesting books lately by some very interesting researchers in the field of psychology—Dr. Barbara Oakley dealing with the themes of altruism, Dr. Simon Baron-Cohen on empathy, and others who are trying to discover what makes people altruistic and how empathy (or lack of it) affects how we behave toward our fellow men. I've come to some interesting conclusions concerning my own part in my abuse by multiple people who were/are high in psychopathic traits, and very low in empathy, compassion and altruistic behavior. I have wondered about my own ability to repeatedly “explain away” the abusive behavior that I experienced from family m …
Breaking The Silence
I am loving the honesty, support and wisdom shared by members of this community - and I feel deeply honoured to be here. Lovefraud is such a safe place, such a help to all of us whose lives have been touched by a sociopath. And your comments have inspired me to write about something I call the ”˜code of silence' this week. Something that, in my experience, exists among so many of us who have experienced abuse. Let's make no bones about it - escaping from a controlling or abusive relationship is difficult enough. Accepting the truth that you've been treated so badly is even harder. But having to explain what happened to other people is excruciatingly humiliating. Particularly when they wi …
ThePsychoExWife.com and the First Amendment
From time to time, Lovefraud hears from men who complain that we talk about male sociopaths but not female sociopaths. Actually, I was very careful to refer to both men and women in every post on the main website, Lovefraud.com. And here on the Lovefraud Blog, we do have a category devoted to female sociopaths. But the fact it, approximately 80 percent of Lovefraud readers are women who were exploited by sociopathic men. So yes, it does seem that Lovefraud tilts towards male predators. That's why a website called ThePsychoExWife.com is an important resource. I first learned about this website last week from the following story in the Philadelphia Inquirer: Divorce blog's rancor …
BOOK REVIEW: The Science of Evil
Reviewed by Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) Simon Baron-Cohen, author of The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty, is a professor of Developmental Psychology in the department of Experimental psychology and psychiatry at the University of Cambridge. He is director of the University's Autism Research Center and has endless awards for his research and writing. If you only read one book about empathy, this book should be it! Baron-Cohen explores the definition of empathy, or the lack of it, in humans, to answer his own questions about the Nazi atrocities in Germany before and during World War II. He also, as a scientist, wanted to explore why some people treat other as …
When therapists like sociopaths
Therapists aren't immune to the charms of sociopathic clients, including this therapist. Far from it. This is especially true in a couples dynamic where the client, as I've noted before, can disguise his sociopathic tendencies sometimes more effectively than when in individual therapy. But even when the disguise is off, and I know transparently that I'm dealing with a sociopathic individual, that still doesn't necessarily innoculate me from enjoying him possibly as a very engaging, friendly, even if superficial and manipulative, individual. This can, though, make for more difficulty, and thus more urgency, to be especially watchful not to succumb to his engaging side at the expense o …
Inactivity to calm the suffering
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Shocknawe As a fellow victim of a spath, I've been both heartened and heartbroken by the stories told on Lovefraud. Also, like many of us here, I have a natural inclination to feel for others and to do what I can to support and assist in whatever way I can to help ease others' difficulties that's a key reason we were targeted in the first place, isn't it? My experience has caused me to try to understand the nature of suffering and what can be done about it. So if the members will indulge me, I'd like to share some thoughts that have come to me as I continue to …
It’s Not About The Sociopath – It Never Has Been
Thank you. My last post seems to have stirred up some strong emotions. Then again I guess that's my responsibility as a writer — to reach people and get the feelings going. Movement, after all, is surely the only way we can go forward? At the same time, my intent is to stir positive responses, so I decided that this week it would be a good idea to share a bit about the methods I've been using to help with my own healing. I recognise that for some the following article may be a bit tricky to digest - which is why I thought long and hard before deciding to post. I remember when I first discovered that everything I had believed in was just a lie, I was far too raw to ever have been able to c …
Do we really want to legalize sociopathic lying?
So far, in cases about the Stolen Valor Act, federal judges have ruled that lying about earning military medals is harmless and should be protected speech. But Lovefraud's research seems to indicate that people who pretend to be military heroes do it specifically to exploit others. Right now, the 10th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Denver is considering the case of Rick Strandlof. Back in 2009, Strandlof was arrested for falsely claiming that he was a former Marine, had served in Iraq, and received the Purple Heart and Silver Star medals. Going by the name of Rick Duncan, Strandlof presented himself as a veterans' advocate through the Colorado Veterans Alliance, which he founded. In …
From ‘I want to die in your arms’ to ‘get lost’
Here's another story of an allegedly cheating married man who, when busted, first denies he is married, then claims harassment. Married flying doctor 'flew his lover to Paris on a private jet during eight-month fling' on DailyMail.co.uk. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …