How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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The sociopath leaves, and her OCD symptoms disappear

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Editor's note: The following story was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who comments as "Free." I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 13 years. Two years after we started living together, I slowly developed Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It first started off with a safety issue, where I was going around the house checking to see if everything was locked and turned off, until it escalated that I couldn't have knives anywhere near me because I was too afraid that I might lash out and hurt someone. I lived in absolute terror because of this. Some instinct told me to hide all of this as much as I could from my husband. But he did find out and he didn't offer any help, or seek help …

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The miracle of freedom after the sociopath is gone

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I believe in miracles. Not the rock your world, holy saints and rising apparitions kind of miracles. But rather, the light shifting, change your life, in this moment kind of miracle that takes you by the hand and guides you home. The kind of miracle that awakens you to the truth that this moment is all you've got. The kind of miracle that says, grab me and run with me or lose the miracle of your life forever. I know about miracles like that. I got one on a sunny May morning five years ago when I had given myself up for dead. Well, not dead-dead, but rather, the walking breathing dead kind of living that leeches all energy from your body and leaves you without hope of ever finding a …

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ASK DR. LEEDOM: How can I make my friends understand?

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Recently a man wrote me saying that his best friend has been more hurtful than helpful when it comes to helping him recover from his relationship with a sociopathic woman. He had the following comment and question. I am sure many of you will relate to this one, especially you guys out there. I have a best friend who I talked to (of course I desperately needed to get my self-identity back). He instantly tried to help me by seeing my own flaws in the relationship and what I could do better, and stated that I overreacted. Of course, his "help" only contributed to her brainwashing and manipulation because it further fueled my questioning about myself, and further made me believe that I was at …

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Dad’s troubles with a sociopathic ex-wife

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A Lovefraud reader, whom we'll call Joe, recently sent the following e-mail. Joe's ex-wife has custody of their daughter, whom we'll call Suzie. The ex-wife is clearly using the child to sponge off of Joe. My daughter's mother always wants to control me and our daughter. I'm sure you've heard of these types of cases before. My daughter's mother is constantly trying to use my daughter against me to control me like a puppet. I was with my ex for a period of years before our daughter was born, so I blame myself for seeing some of the signs, but not leaving. I see some change in my daughter's behavior as of late, so I'm a bit concerned. When I have her, she doesn't want to go home and every …

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Why did I stay with the sociopath?

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I have wrestled with this question for a long time. While with him, I sometimes wondered, ”˜what on earth am I doing here'? Since gaining my freedom, I have looked back on those 4 years 9 months and wondered, ”˜what on earth was wrong with me that I stayed so long'? I know there are the physiological/psychological factors that compounded my convoluted thinking causing me to believe that I was incapable of leaving him. I know these factors attributed to my inertia and the resultant trauma bonding that held me pinioned in his unholy embrace. But none of these factors explain why an intelligent, well-educated, articulate woman did what I did — before the trauma bonding, the Stockholm Syndrome, …

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Is your ___________ “a sociopath”?

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This semester I am teaching social psychology and biological psychology at a local university. This week the issue of human affiliation and attachment came up in both courses. Recently a new understanding of human affiliation and attachment has arisen in the scientific literature and I was very pleased to see that the new insight already made it into both of the textbooks. The new understanding really helps us to understand sociopathy so I will discuss it here with the help of one of my students and one of our readers. Human affiliation has two levels to it. The first is our general tendency to avoid being alone and to seek out the company of others. The second is a deeper level that …

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The paradox of psychopathy, non-psychopathy, and evil

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The blogger, Sir William, has a post ”˜What is evil? which employs what is a very common way of talking about psychopathy and evil. Psychopaths do exist but they are not fully human: they are animals who lack one of the qualities which defines our species. This is a very comforting explanation for those who have been on the receiving end of psychopathy. It seems to answer the question how could someone do something like that? Answer, because they're not really a ”˜someone'. They're actually and animal, not a human being. How does this line of thinking account for evil committed by non-psychopaths? When an ordinary person does bad things to another person they must, on some level, belie …

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On psychological head games and “Nookie” the turtle

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Editor's note: This post was submitted by the Lovefraud reader Aloha Traveler. Sociopaths often use subtle methods to intimidate their victims. One of the funniest and most absurd manifestations of this tactic came to me in the form of a small stuffed turtle. I had been on Maui for about six months and was able to get a cheap ticket home to California for a visit with my friends. I was already deep into an abusive and confusing nightmare with the Bad Man. He was twisting up my reality and I needed to be in a place where I knew who I was, with people that knew me well. The Bad Man agreed to take me to the airport for my departure. As I finished packing and was about to zip up my suitcase, …

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Woman sentenced to 99 years for murder

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Last week, Mechele Linehan, 35, of Olympia, Washington, was sentenced to 99 years in prison for the murder of her fiancé, Kent Leppink, back in 1996. She was accused of convincing another fiancé, John Carlin III, of New Jersey, of killing Leppink. The crime and trial took place in Alaska, and Carlin was found guilty of murder. Under Alaska law, Linehan was ruled equally guilty, so she got the same sentence as Carlin. "I can find no principal distinction between the puppet who pulls the trigger and the puppeteer who pulls the strings," said Judge Philip Voland. "In my judgment, Ms. Linehan was the puppeteer who pulled the strings." Crime based on murder movie The case sounds just like a …

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Sheep can teach us about love and it’s pretty scary!

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Last week I picked my daughter up from the Agriscience High School she attends and was greeted with a sure sign of spring. There are dozens of new baby lambs who have all just been born. They are very cute but they also look exactly the same to me. My daughter tells me that they look alike because although there are many ewes there is only one ram, so all the babies have the same dad. Even though the babies look alike and to me they smell alike, each one is unique and special to its mother.   Sheep live in herds and unlike some other mammals they do not care for each other's babies. A mother sheep must bond to and learn to identify her baby among the vast herd of lambs who are …

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