Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader asking why it hurt to leave the sociopath: Why would a person become distraught when the narc/sociopath that has wronged them gives them the silent treatment? I have ridden the merry go round for 10 years with a guy that has cheated and not told the truth. We break up (usually me pushing him away and him acting the victim and then we never can stay away.) He begs, I reject and then he retreats and I feel overwrought. Horrible. I feel heartbroken every single time. So hard to understand and get out of this cycle. Any explanation? Actually, there are two explanations, rooted in human psychology, for why it hurts to leave the …
Waiting for the Ripples to Reach the Shore…
Editor's note: Lovefraud welcomes Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach. In this article, she reminds us that this too shall pass. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest, PDHom Recently, a very dear friend was confiding in me. After a tremendous shock some months ago that left her reeling, she's been having a pretty bumpy time. She's been feeling stuck. Very, very stuck, and wondering if she'll ever see the light at the end of the tunnel (when it's not the train coming at her). One of the most difficult bits of her troubles has been that she's had no control over the situation. Finding herself in a toxic relationship that …
Everyday kindnesses of love after the sociopath
Yes, there is love after the sociopath, and the proof is in the kiwi tart that my husband, Terry Kelly, made for us today. We received a gift box of fruit, including golden kiwis. It came with a recipe for a kiwi tart. Yesterday, Terry bought the rest of the ingredients. This morning, he made the tart. Why is the timing significant? Because I have hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar. I need to monitor my sugar intake, and if I eat sweets too late in the day, such as after dinner, the sugar keeps me awake half the night. Terry made the tart early so we could enjoy it with our lunch, and I'd be able to sleep later. This is just the latest of the multitude of pleasures and kindnesses that …
Military love fraud: Navy husband moves her to Guam, then abandons her
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story about military love fraud from a reader whom we'll call Sally20. I am a Navy spouse and my active duty husband was the first man I ever met online. He convinced me my 3 kids and I deserved better than their abusive father and the life we were living. He convinced me to marry him and fight to move myself and my 3 kids to Guam for his overseas tour. I did. I won and we all moved to the other side of the world where things began not seeming normal. He became very critical of everything we did from washing to dishes to sitting correctly on a couch. I was not only finding evidence of other women but was also contacted by other women, …
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My cheating sociopathic fiancé
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter about a cheating sociopathic fiancé from a reader whom we'll call, "Mandy20." I met my ex-fiancé in 2017 at work. He was attractive and charming. I found out he was engaged and although a co-worker thought he was flirting (he asked me if I had ever been to the Melting Pot) I didn’t pursue anything at that time. I ran into him at work after Christmas and when I asked about his holiday he said his fiancé gave him his ring back. We then connected on Facebook and started “talking” via Messenger (first red flag!) I told him I had recently broken up with someone too and suggested we go to the Melting Pot to commiserate. He then said he th …
Range of sociopathic behavior: From sleazy to serial killer
UPDATED FOR 2020: Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Jason." It's an opportunity to explain the range of sociopathic behavior. My best friend of 20 years I believe is a sociopath. It's very sad because you want to give a person the benefit of the doubt, but after awhile it becomes apparent. He displays all the characteristics of the sociopath. I'm smart, but I can't convince myself with 100% certainty that he's a sociopath (maybe most people can't.) It's hard to reconcile with it. Is there any advice you can give me? Yes, Jason. First I'll give the somewhat easy explanation; then I'll give the more technical explanation. Cluster of traits and …
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Sociopath ignores his child, the ‘dirty little secret’
Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader, whom we'll call "Abigail20," describes how she met a man, had a child with him, and now the sociopath ignores his child. I met the sociopath at a birthday party in 2004, after exchanging numbers and a few dates I realised I only liked him as a friend, he tried to get tactile very early on but I rejected his advances, truth is my feelings lay elsewhere and regrettably I let the sociopath know this yet still he persisted, he still wanted to be around me, he knew exactly what he was doing and what his motives were. During the initial stages we were hanging out together as friends, so I thought, I learned that he was living as a tenant with a former …
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‘Love Fraud’ on Showtime – four-part docu-series begins Sunday Aug. 30
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/FZmO_BphMQE"] Love Fraud, a four-part docu-series, is coming to Showtime beginning Sunday, Aug. 30, at 9 pm ET. It's not my story, but that's okay — I'm all in favor of anyone drawing attention to the massive problem of sociopaths using love to manipulate and exploit people. I will be discussing each episode of Love Fraud on Showtime on my Lovefraud Live! YouTube show beginning Tuesday, Sept. 1 at 8 pm ET. This four-part docu-series follows the search for one man, Richard Scott Smith, who over the past 20 years has used the Internet and his dubious charms to prey upon unsuspecting women in search of love — conning them out of their money and dignity. Th …
‘Love Fraud’ on Showtime – four-part docu-series begins Sunday Aug. 30Read More
The smear campaign: when sociopaths lie about you
UPDATED FOR 2020: It's bad enough that sociopaths lie to hook you. But they also lie about you, which is known as the "smear campaign." Anything they tell you about themselves may be false — their age, education, credentials, family details, income, criminal record, job or work history. And of course, sociopaths typically lie about their relationship history and status. They claim to be single when they are married; they claim to be childless when they have many offspring — even with multiple partners. Sociopaths lie — it's the key characteristic of the disorder. When you fall for the lies, you feel like a chump. But what often turns out to be even more devastating is the lies they tell …
Comparing relationships with sociopaths and borderlines
UPDATED FOR 2020 — Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from reader Victimcindy about relationships with sociopaths and borderlines. Donna Andersen responds after the letter. My first relationship, after my 18-year marriage to a sociopath, was with a borderline personality disordered (BPD) man. Do you find this common, as the disordered traits are opposite in some areas? We think we are getting something new and healthy. Comparing relationships with sociopaths and borderlines Spath vs BPD: sex My spath-ex withheld sex as power. The borderline was highly sexual. My spath-ex was charming, but lacked empathy and was emotionally unavailable. He also abused substances, w …
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