Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, Jane19. Names have been changed. After a stroke I became increasingly isolated and lonely. I turned to online chat sites. It wasn’t long a matter of days before a guy introduced himself. Roger seemed very charming and smart and seemed to be going through a tough time divorcing. We had children of a similar age; we had much in common. He failed to disclose that his current wife wasn’t his first. After I had done a background check, when my gut told me there was something not right, I found out he had been married prior. When confronted with his lie and deceit, he gave me a long, very believable story …
Deception: the sociopath’s key strategy
My blog article last week was entitled, Why falling for a romance scam doesn’t mean you’re stupid. I related several stories of people who thought they were in romantic relationships, but everything their so-called partners told them was a lie. One woman lost $100,000. Another lost her life. In response to the article, I received the following comment from a reader: I’ve figured out that the common denominator with all these love scams, is lack of SELF love! Why are there so many ppl that don’t love themselves enough to not place themselves in these crazy scenarios? In some cases, there may be truth to this observation — yes, some people do not think highly of themselves. But I do …
A disordered woman explains her goals
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader. Names are changed. "Heather," the author, says she has borderline personality disorder (BPD). People with this disorder are often manipulative and impulsive — similar to those with antisocial or narcissistic personality disorders. But unlike other sociopaths, people who have BPD suffer because of their condition. Women with BPD were often sexually abused as children. Men with BPD were often shamed as children. Lovefraud is publishing this to help readers understand the thought processes of people who self-identify as disordered. Hello, Your website is very informative and has definitely assisted me with my …
Why falling for a romance scam doesn’t mean you’re stupid
A woman from Queensland, Australia, trying to help her online lover, found herself in the middle of a $6 million romance scam. The 60-year-old woman met the man, who claimed to be American, 18 months ago. He convinced her to send him $100,000 of her own money. Then she gave the man her bank details, and he deposited $6 million into her account — money that had been swindled from a South Korean business. In a news article on ABC.net.au, Detective Senior Sergeant Daren Edwards gave his opinion of the woman's actions in the romance scam: "I think it's just blatant stupidity — there's no other word for it." Those of us who've lost money to sociopathic love interests usually do feel …
Why falling for a romance scam doesn’t mean you’re stupidRead More
My scary rollercoaster ride with a sociopath
Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Tanya19." Just as Alice did, I too followed that stupid rabbit down the hole with such high hopes of finding an adventure, companionship, a better, less painful, less stressful, less depressing, less lonely life. But instead I found the most extreme mentally, physically, emotionally taxing and just down right scariest rollercoaster ride of my life, with a man who I now believe wholeheartedly is a sociopath. A man I loved wholeheartedly, who claimed that I was the love of his life, his world, queen, savior, the best thing that ever happened to him, the only person to know him and accept him. Yet he used these same …
3 vital concepts about sociopaths that are key to our survival
Two Lovefraud readers recently sent in articles explaining their views regarding their experiences with sociopaths. Their opinions are almost completely opposite from each other. In The importance of recognizing the complexities of sociopath relationships, the reader “Andrea19” suggests a nuanced way of looking at our experiences with sociopaths. Yes, her ex-husband is manipulative and deceptive, she writes, but she acknowledges that she has her own mental health issues that contributed to the dysfunctional relationship. The Lovefraud reader “Lanie19” takes a different view. In her article, I lived among sociopathic monsters all of my life, she comes out and says, “They are all monsters.” …
3 vital concepts about sociopaths that are key to our survivalRead More
I lived among sociopathic monsters all my life
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Lanie19." They are all monsters. Try to put one in a box and you'll find they are as individual as we humans. It's worth the effort to educate humans but don't get so hung up on identifying them to know if the monster resembles a psycho, a sociopath, or a narcissist. What difference does it make if they kill you after they terrorize and torture you, if they beat you for years or if they lock you in an invisible cage and rip and tear and pick you apart discarding you like trash until their is nothing left of you? What difference does it make? Are we to be less guarded if an alligator is approaching us …
The importance of recognizing the complexities of sociopath relationships
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following commentary from a reader whom we'll call, "Andrea19." My story is similar to those of so many others in this forum. The things my X-husband did were obviously unacceptable. Our 15 years together was a time of seemingly perfect harmony punctuated by periods of hell, where he descended into ways of punishing me or my oldest daughter that three therapists by now have proclaimed to be classical cases of emotional abuse. He also started cheating on me the year we got married, and this only got worse over time. By the time I was pregnant with our second child. I was also the main income earner. In spite of this, I sacrificed my career by …
The importance of recognizing the complexities of sociopath relationshipsRead More
‘Listen to your intuition,’ says a woman who didn’t, and died regretting it
Last year, I had an email exchange with a woman whom we'll call, "Amy." I sent out a newsletter that included an article about staying safe from sociopaths by listening to our intuition. Amy responded: *** Nov. 13, 2018 Hi Donna, This is so true about intuition. The biggest mistake I made was not trusting my gut feeling that there was something wrong with the man to whom I was engaged. I asked everyone, friends and family, for support and they all said i should marry him. Now I realize that the quick engagement was a trap to get me hooked and committed, to be hesitant to break it off. I see it now as a real tactic to get me hooked. Back then, it seemed like the worst thing to be …
‘Listen to your intuition,’ says a woman who didn’t, and died regretting itRead More
Sexually abused as a child, she later chose three abusive partners
By Eleanor Cowan Bullied incessantly by an older brother, "Emily" got called fat, stupid, and ugly…all projections of her sibling’s own worst fears. From childhood, Em was sexually molested by him so much that she “got used to it.” Her mom screamed viciously at anyone not removing their filthy boots at the door, but remained silent about the muddy molestations tracked by her extremely isolated and overweight son. That’s the backstory. Fast forward fifty years. Emily just left her third partner. The first two also disqualified themselves: The first was a shameless bully. He insisted his slaps and punches were harmless, just as he emphasized that sex on demand was a marital right. …
Sexually abused as a child, she later chose three abusive partnersRead More