Lovefraud Blog

Woman whose disordered ex bit off her lip tells her story

October 23, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// 1 Comment

Kayla Hayes finally found the strength to leave her controlling boyfriend, Seth Fleury. But on October 21, 2017, he wanted to get together to "talk," Kayla agreed to meet him, but when he tried to kiss her, she refused. He bit off her lip. Fleury, 23, was sentenced a few days ago to 12 years in prison for assault and battery of a high and aggravated nature. He must serve at least 10 years. Kayla wrote about her terrifying experience, and its aftermath, in a post on Facebook. Her words and emotions will sound familiar to Lovefraud readers. Kayla Hayes on Facebook — "Today I sat in a courtroom." Woman, whose ex bit off he lip, shares emotional Facebook post after he is sentenced …

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Outrageous lies my sociopathic ex told me — what whoppers did you hear?

October 22, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// 2 Comments

My sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, lied from the very beginning of our involvement, right through to the end. His first lies were in his online profile — age 49 (he was 55), financially secure (he had no money at all), an entrepreneur (never built a successful business in his life). When we met in person, the lies continued nonstop. Here’s some of what I heard: Lie: I won the Victoria Cross for my heroism in Vietnam (complete with a commendation). Truth: He was never in Vietnam, in fact, never in the military. His commendation was forged. Lie: I will be the next Walt Disney. Truth: He couldn’t get a job as Dumbo. Lie: I don’t have a gay bone in my body. Truth: I found …

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At the end of our honeymoon, he FLIPPED into a different person

October 20, 2018 // by Lovefraud Reader// 2 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "EllenMarie." I met a covert malignant narcissist on an online dating site. I had no idea such people existed. I had lost my wonderful husband of almost 30 years to cancer 4 years previously. We’d had a terrific, healthy relationship, and I wanted another one. I have two master’s degrees, one in psychiatric social work, and have always considered myself very intuitive and a good judge of character. Not this time!! I met the narcissist on Feb 3, 2017, and was thoroughly love bombed for 5 months. He proposed after 6 weeks, and we were married on June 30, 2017. I saw no red flags. He was really a pro at …

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Finally recognizing a sociopath’s abuse

October 19, 2018 // by Eleanor Cowan// 1 Comment

By Eleanor Cowan “The statute of limitations? It took me 25 years post-drug-rape to recognize his abuse,” I replied to a comment as a bunch of us at our local Senior Center crowded around the fitness room TV to hear the sentencing of a dangerous sex criminal, a wealthy fellow much older than most of us, a fatherly figure whose abuses rampaged for decades with no limitations, brakes or borders. “Why is there no statute of limitations for murder?” asked one woman, “while there is one for sexual abuse?” “Yes,” said another, “Billy can wake up with a sudden recall of the murderer who killed twenty years ago, and the police are on it. No officer would ever say, ‘Sorry, times up on your re …

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I am overwhelmed with PTSD, stress, anxiety, fear, loss, betrayal and trying to save myself

October 17, 2018 // by Lovefraud Reader// 8 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Catherine18." Other names have been changed. I am writing this after a pretty hard day. I have them a lot these days. I’ve made it a habit to tell people that I'm fine or ok. Before that, before everyone knew what happened, I just smiled, laughed and was a pretend version of myself so that I wouldn’t let on what I was suffering. I learned to protect the person hurting me from my mother's abuse of me. I am 42, and I have never not been abused. Ever. I’m now being honest. I am saying I’m not ok. People don't help you when you finally get honest. I have been betrayed, abandoned, pitied and had people talk be …

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Useless advice on how to spot a lie

October 16, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

The Daily Mail just published a silly article in which a psychologist explains how to tell when someone is lying. The behavioral psychologist, Jo Hemmings, dispenses all of the usual and useless advice about watching for microexpressions, lack of eye contact, convoluted explanations and changes in behavior. Okay, so the advice might work for spotting a normal person who is uncomfortable with lying. It will never work for spotting a sociopath who lies like he or she breathes. In fact, the article is accompanied by a sidebar in which new research published by Edinburgh University finds that it is hard to spot a liar. Why? Because liars may intentionally suppress the tell-tale signs of …

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Dealing with a sociopath: Fight or flight?

October 13, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// 6 Comments

Sociopaths are social predators who live their lives by exploiting people. When you're the person who has been exploited, how should you respond? Do you try to hold the sociopath accountable? Or do you cut your losses and run? Lovefraud is an open forum, with many people expressing opinions about what you should do. In the past, some folks have posted comments saying give up, run away, don't fight, you can't win. I don't necessarily agree with that. Yes, in some cases, fleeing is the best course of action. But sometimes the only way to survive is to fight. Or sometimes standing up to the sociopath enables you to reclaim yourself, even if you don't win the battle. I believe you …

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Domestic violence advocate allegedly killed by her ex-boyfriend

October 11, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// 1 Comment

Donna Alexander, 34, of Grand Prairie, Texas, was a domestic violence advocate. She founded an "Anger Room," where people could blow off stress by smashing things, rather than their loved ones. But Alexander herself was allegedly attacked by her estranged boyfriend, Nathaniel Mitchell, 34. Mitchell brought her to the hospital with severe head injuries. A week later, Alexander died of her injuries. Mitchell has been charged with murder. Anger Room founder allegedly beaten to death by ex knew relationship 'Would be the death of her': Sister, on People.com. Anger Room founder, who appeared on Real Housewives of Dallas, allegedly beaten to death by ex, on People.com. …

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She was diagnosed as bipolar, but she is definitely personality disordered

October 4, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Kenny18." I was targeted, lied to about her past regarding previous relationships, she contacted me while she was dating someone else, I was love bombed, she moved in, tried to isolate me from my friends and family, she was rude to my family, she was verbally and physically abusive to me, she told me on multiple occasions that she hated her 8-year-old son and wished she never had him, in earshot of him, she vandalized my truck, the list goes on. Before she physically assaulted me, she asked me, "Who gets the house in case something happens to you?" I replied "my family," since she was living with me for less than a …

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Con man smiles and winks as he’s sentenced for scamming four women

October 2, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

Mauricio Palomino, a contractor in New York City, was sentenced to three to nine years in prison for scamming his former girlfriends. Apparently he thought it was funny. He laughed and joked with his lawyer, and then winked at a news photographer as he was led out of the courtroom. Palomino took a total of $80,000 from four women between 2012 and 2014. He racked up charges on their credit cards and accepted loans from them that he never repaid. He was also accused of threatening several of his victims. Con man 'gigolo' was all smiles at sentencing, on NYPost.com. Construction boss accused of moonlighting as gigolo to swindle lovers, on NYPost.com. …

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recovery46 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He assured me he would never, could never hurt me like that again: “Bernice—it’s 2025 and my experience with the spath was EXACTLY the same! I kept rereading bc all the details were…”
sept4 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind: “This is what I actually struggle with most now that I am a decade out of divorce. I did not…”
Donna Andersen on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “Good point! Thank you”
sept4 on 10 Crucial strategies for leaving the sociopath: “All very true and very good advice. I would like to add that too can always call police if you…”
eleanoreliza1234 on When bad behavior shows symptoms, not flaws : “What a beautifully composed response by Emilie 18! Reassuring to know that others have experienced the same. Thank you, Emilie.”