Lovefraud Blog

Book Review: ‘Miracle in the Madness:’ All real therapy is release from the past

May 14, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

The Miracle in the Madness — Grateful to be the son of a murderer, by Travis Vining Review by Donna Andersen The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Travis Vining is the son of a sociopathic serial killer. His father, John Bruce Vining, killed four people, and coerced Travis, as a young man, into helping him escape prosecution. How does anyone cope with that? Travis tried to forget what happened, and he did, sort of. His psyche repressed direct memory of many incidents. But the efforts of his mind had repercussions in his body. Travis had all kinds of physical problems, ranging from rashes to addiction to p …

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What do we do when sociopaths experience no consequences?

May 12, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// 5 Comments

Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as "Salvation2012." Thank you for helping me decide when I needed to cut my losses during my divorce. I did cut my "losses," yet the total I received tallied up to a number similar, just not in all cash. Because I settled in his eyes, he told everyone I was just proving how I was the guilty one and didn't want to risk being exposed. To the end he will deny permanently injuring me and bleeding me of money, and cheating on me (which I only later found out about the extent). My recent concern is watching him seemingly have no consequences. I'm not a vengeful person, so this is a distressing area for me, but I just thought karma …

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After the sociopath, managing how my brain manages trauma

May 9, 2018 // by Eleanor Cowan// 3 Comments

By Eleanor Cowan I felt heavy as I awakened this morning. A toxic punch followed by a few slaps of self-recrimination are tossed with tuning forks—all delivered by myself to me. “No!” I say as I have for the past thirty years. I swing my legs out of bed and onto the solid oak floor. My gold filigreed daily planner is right where its supposed to be. I will never erase my actual history of having married a pedophile who molested first his siblings and then our children. His crafty, conscienceless siphoning of my time, energy, money and support for fourteen years can never be expunged. I can never, ever erase his small daily cruelties that sadly, I got used to tolerating, little by litt …

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Dating again after the sociopath – Webinar May 16, 8 pm ET

May 7, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// Leave a Comment

[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/wMXEep7qAuM"] You'd like a romantic partner, but after one sociopath, you're afraid of meeting another. Learn how to know when you are ready for a new partner, and how to date with awareness, so you can protect yourself from scammers and predators. Bring your questions! Dating again after the sociopath Presented by Donna Andersen, author of Lovefraud.com Wednesday, May 16, 2018 • 8-9 pm ET • $25 Highlights How to protect yourself from sociopaths Why internal healing is important Lovefraud's 3 rules of dating 10 tips for dating with awareness Staying safe with online dating The initial presentation will be recorded. If you want to …

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Book Review: Domestic violence that lead to a near-death experience

May 5, 2018 // by Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, CHT// Leave a Comment

My Sweet Encounter with Death, by Ana Christina Review by Mary Ann Glyn, LCSW Ana had two relationships with seemingly opposite personality types. Her husband of many years revealed a controlling nature early on, but as you all know, divorce is not the first thing you think of doing when things are not going well in your marriage, especially once children come, and especially if your culture and belief system dictate otherwise. Ana found herself trapped in an unbearable prison where she remained until she eventually found the strength and conviction to leave. Once freed, she reconnected with a former love whose personality appeared to be the antithesis of her ex-husband’s. She was b …

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Are these warning signs that I’m involved with a sociopath?

May 3, 2018 // by Lovefraud Reader// 4 Comments

Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Cassandra18." I've been a longtime reader of your website and wanted to thank you for what a valuable tool it is. I figured, I'd finally write in with a question of my own and I was hoping for some feedback from you. So, the thing is, I have a propensity to date very selfish, controlling people and two of my past relationships have been with verifiable sociopaths. Most recently, I have been in and out of a relationship with a man I used to work with. Something keeps telling me that something is off about him but I can't pinpoint it. Some of the warning signs that have happened while with …

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‘Liar’ by the Rollins Band — singing about a sociopath

May 2, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// 16 Comments

[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/FFyZ8QU-FgE"] Check out this music video of the hard rock song Liar by the Henry Rollins Band. It's clearly about a sociopath. What's interesting is that this song was recorded in 1994. Without Conscience, Robert Hare's book that introduced psychopaths to the world, came out in 1993. I don't know if Rollins read the book, but he is certainly describing disordered behavior. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …

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My Bill Cosby experience: I definitely dodged a bullet

April 29, 2018 // by Donna Andersen// 11 Comments

Entertainer Bill Cosby, 80, was convicted of sexually assaulting Andrea Constand last week. He drugged and assaulted her in 2004. Five other women testified that he did the same thing to them back in the '80s — proving it was Cosby's pattern of conduct. The Philadelphia Inquirer has extensive coverage of the Cosby case. Click this link: Bill Cosby trial And here's a story from USA Today: A complete list of the 60 Bill Cosby accusers and their reactions to the guilty verdict I am now convinced that my personal experience with Bill Cosby was a near-miss. I was young and naive. But luckily, my guardian angels were looking out for me. I wrote about my experience when the story f …

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A warning letter to the next victim from the third ‘psycho’ wife

April 27, 2018 // by Lovefraud Reader// 4 Comments

Editor's note: Yesterday Lovefraud posted a story from a woman in Australia whom we'll call "Shawna18." Read it here: I left the sociopath once I had everything back he stole from me and humiliated me in the process. She also wrote a letter to the next victim. "After 3 years of no contact I decided against all advice from the professionals to warn the new victim," Shawna18 says. "It doesn’t matter if she believes me or not, what matters is that if I planted a seed of doubt, then I will have done my job, unlike all the other women who knew him and didn’t have the balls to warn me about him." Names are changed. Cecilia, Let me introduce myself. I am the 3rd psycho who he had to get …

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I left the sociopath once I had everything back he stole from me and humiliated him in the process

April 26, 2018 // by Lovefraud Reader// Leave a Comment

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman in Australia whom we'll call "Shawna18." Tomorrow read Shawna's letter that she wrote to the next victim. Love bombed, soul mate within 1st day. Returned to his ex-wife, then returned to me when ex-wife didn't give him what he needed. Moved from Qld to Melb to be with him. Lived together four years, loneliest years of my life. Married me while he was seeing another woman who he continued to see for the next 3 years until caught. Divorced him immediately. Went back on his word to not contest what we had built together as long as I didn't contest what he owned before me (his business). Realised he was a nasty SOB …

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Donna Andersen on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us: “As a kid I saw the original animated movies like “Snow White” and “Sleeping Beauty.” I don’t remember hoping that…”
sept4 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us: “Hi Emilie yes what women want most is love and attention so the easiest way to either con women or…”
emilie18 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us: “Mom used to read the original old fairy tales and stories to us – and when Disney movies came out…”
sept4 on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us: “YES you are right the old fairy tales and legends and lores understand evil and how evil is part of…”
Donna Andersen on LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We want to believe that we’re different, we’re special, and so he loves us: “Interestingly enough, the old fairy tales taught many of those lessons about evil. Does anyone read them to kids anymore?”