How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Sociopaths and forced teaming – ‘we’re in this together’

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By O.N. Ward Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the link at the bottom of the post. Chapter 2: Please Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain This probably sounds like the beginning of a love story, a second chance for two people moving on after unsuccessful first marriages. That is how I viewed it at the time, but I was wrong. I would not figure it out for twenty years, but the man to whom I was so attracted was, and is, a sociopath. Already, he was us …

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The sociopath threw her sobbing into the front yard, but now she’s recovered and performing on stage

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Avril." Names are changed. It's not possible for me to tell my entire story in a short blog, it'd need a whole book, but let me give you a bite-sized round up. This year marks 20 years since the blight entered our lives. I was a 32-year-old divorced mother of two small children, I was on holiday with my mother, my terminally ill father and my little sons. He was a brown-eyed handsome man who was running the bar at the resort. He was utterly charming and his eyes twinkled when he smiled. I had no chance. When I met him, though I was vulnerable I did have my own home, a secure part-time job and a reasonable …

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John Robert Charlton arrested for murdering and dismembering woman he met online

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John Robert Charlton, 37, of Washington State, has been arrested in the gruesome murder and dismemberment of a woman whom he met online. A Seattle-area homeowner found body parts in his recycling bin, which were later identified as belonging to Ingrid Lyne, 40, a nurse and mother of three children from Renton, Washington. Lyne went with Charlton to a Seattle Mariners baseball game on Friday, April 8. She was reported missing the next morning. Charlton had a lengthy criminal history. In 2006, his parents filed a restraining order against him. They said he told his mother to watch the movie Hannibal, about a serial killer, and to "beware." Grisly details revealed in murder of Renton mom; …

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Victims of Sociopaths and Victim Blamers

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Searching for inspiration for this post, I stumbled across some pretty unattractive, “victim blaming” directed to someone who had been involved in a relationship with a person who is likely a sociopath. Victim Blaming  I find victim blaming unattractive for humanitarian and moral reasons, but I also find a deep irony in victim blaming—that the person accusing others of naivety and a lack of insight about human behavior, is in fact, themselves, displaying profound naivety and a lack of insight about human behavior. It's as if they are assuming that all people have the same experiences and opportunities, hence if someone is deceived by a sociopath, it can only be due to that person's inherent w …

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Frightening story of a stalker who wouldn’t quit

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A man in the U.K. stalked a woman and her husband for years. The couple decided to move away, and instead of abating, the stalking got worse. Eventually the stalker showed up at their door with a gun. Read the entire outrageous story: The stalker and the woman who refused to give in, on BBC.com.   …

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Sociopaths Serve Up Double Standards

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Double standards are one of the many hallmarks of being in a relationship with a sociopath. Trust me, as a well-educated woman who was taught that she could hold her own with any man, I didn't think I had married someone who viewed me as a puppet and whose only purpose for me was to service his needs. But, as months slipped into years, profound double standards emerged in my relationship with "Paul." Of course, now that I believe Paul is a sociopath, I understand that Paul held these double standards all along. Although he did not display them at first, at some point, they became part of the poisonous air I breathed. Double Standards Deliver Double Benefits For A Sociopath These double …

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Alleged Long Island pedophile and his official enablers

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  Cesar Gonzales-Mugaburu of Ridge, in Long Island, New York, apparently made a living by caring for foster kids. He took in six to eight kids at a time, and was paid as much as $18,000 a month. Gonzales-Mugaburu was arrested on March 18 and charged with molesting seven of the foster kids, and the family dog. This is bad enough, but the story gets worse. Debbie Edwards, a school social worker filed complaints against Gonzales-Mugaburu starting back in 1998, but school administrators told her to back off. The SCO Family of Services, the agency handling the placements, told Edwards that they would stop sending children to Gonzales-Mugaburu, but they continued to do it. Then it turns out th …

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Sociopaths: Setting The Stage For Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde Behavior

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Below is an edited excerpt from my book that spotlights how my ex-husband's, subtle, consistent, insidious devaluation of me throughout or marriage helped set the stage for his Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde behavior. Devaluing Everyday Tasks One of "Paul's" favorite chronic erosion techniques was to devalue the need to do a task. If I went ahead and did the job, he showed no appreciation. Instead, he ridiculed me, because the task was clearly unnecessary. This technique not only got him off the hook, it had the added bonus of devaluing much of what I did. Help mop up the basement? Just turn on a dehumidifier. Help shovel snow? His car could easily plow through it. Why did I even need to leave the …

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On The Sociopath’s Menu– Kernels Of Truth With A Side of Word Salad

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A crazy-making, confidence-eroding weapon many sociopaths wield is their skill with words. Below is an edited excerpt from my book that highlights how my ex-husband ("Paul") manipulated our marital therapist. ”¦The therapist looked at me and said, “Have you ever asked Paul if he's having an affair?” “No, I guess not,” I responded. “Maybe you should.” “Now?” “Why not?” the therapist replied. “Paul,” I said, “are you having an affair with Anne-Marie?”   Turning the Tables “I am so hurt that you would even think that,” Paul replied, appearing genuinely concerned. Notice, he did not answer the question. Instead, he used the diversion tactics of trying to elicit pity and putting me on the def …

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Gut Instinct Isn’t Enough

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Chapter 8 Gut Instinct Isn't Enough Everyone talks about "gut instinct," but what is it? Is it really something you feel in your gut? In your heart? In your head? Does everyone have it? Are some people better than others at listening to their gut? I've never talked to anyone who doesn't believe that's the case. People seem to believe that we all have a "gut instinct" about things, and that some people are better at recognizing it than others. When we were dating, Wyatt and I used to walk along the railroad tracks next to his house for hours. They were abandoned tracks, but they still smelled of creosote and oil and tar. The gravel was pierced by only a few weeds with the strongest tap roots, …

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