Editor's note: Lovefraud welcomes Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach. In this article, she reminds us that this too shall pass. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest, PDHom Recently, a very dear friend was confiding in me. After a tremendous shock some months ago that left her reeling, she's been having a pretty bumpy time. She's been feeling stuck. Very, very stuck, and wondering if she'll ever see the light at the end of the tunnel (when it's not the train coming at her). One of the most difficult bits of her troubles has been that she's had no control over the situation. Finding herself in a toxic relationship that …
Everyday kindnesses of love after the sociopath
Yes, there is love after the sociopath, and the proof is in the kiwi tart that my husband, Terry Kelly, made for us today. We received a gift box of fruit, including golden kiwis. It came with a recipe for a kiwi tart. Yesterday, Terry bought the rest of the ingredients. This morning, he made the tart. Why is the timing significant? Because I have hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar. I need to monitor my sugar intake, and if I eat sweets too late in the day, such as after dinner, the sugar keeps me awake half the night. Terry made the tart early so we could enjoy it with our lunch, and I'd be able to sleep later. This is just the latest of the multitude of pleasures and kindnesses that …
Sociopaths, pain and the Primal Scream
UPDATED FOR 2020: The Primal Scream — I remember this book being all the rage when it was published in 1970, even though at the time I had just started high school. Everyone was talking about the book, by Arthur Janov, and the therapy he developed, called primal therapy. For me, that was the end of it. I never read the book. I never heard anything more about Arthur Janov. I haven't thought about Primal Scream or primal therapy in more than 40 years, until a Lovefraud reader brought it up. The reader sent me a link to an article on Arthur Janov's blog. (He was alive until recently. Janov died in 2017 at the age of 93.) The article was is entitled Why we need safety, and it was published …
Dealing with nasty emails from sociopaths
UPDATED FOR 2020 — The Lovefraud reader "Flicka" copied us on the following email thread. The exchange is a good example of how sociopaths use every opportunity to assert control, divide and conquer family members, and engage in character assassination. So how do you deal with nasty emails from sociopaths? By way of background, Flicka was married to a sociopath. Unfortunately, all of her five children inherited their father's disorder and also became sociopaths. Flicka's children are now adults, and she is estranged from all of them. So now, when she should be doting on her grandchildren, she barely sees them. One son, whom we'll call "Bill," was married to a Vietnamese woman, whom w …
To recover from the sociopath, first recognize the depth of your pain
UPDATED FOR 2020 A Lovefraud reader who posts as "LadyA" sent Lovefraud the following email. At the end, I suggest how she can recover from the sociopath. I've spent a lot time thinking about my experience with my spath, and how it affected me and the people around me. I have read article after article, story after story. I now fully understand what spaths do and how they do it but I didn't understand why I don't feel any better about it. What was I missing? When I left my spath it was a fairly dramatic experience. He had just been sentenced to serve jail time on the weekends for an obstruction of justice charge. My mom flew into town and in one swoop we packed up everything we could …
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Recovering from a sociopath by living your life
UPDATED FOR 2020 You're in meltdown. You've come to the conclusion that you've been involved with a sociopath, and that everything this person told you was a lie, from the details of his or her life to the proclamations of undying love. Now it all makes sense. Now you understand how the unbelievable headiness of the whirlwind romance (love bombing) morphed into the silent treatment, unexplained absences and unprovoked rages (devalue and discard). You have discovered the truth: The person you fell in love with never existed. Everything you saw and experienced was an act designed to exploit you. You are crushed. Overwhelmed by disappointment and betrayal, the emotional pain is …
How to find love after the sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2020 A girl walks into a bar. A band was playing and the place was packed, so there were no empty bar stools. The girl had had a rough few years. First she married a man who turned out to be a con artist that took all her money. Then she dated a guy who wasn't a con artist, but broke her heart. A tall, nice-looking man leaned against the bar. He offered the girl a place to put her coat. Then he offered to buy the girl a drink. She accepted. They chatted. They danced. And they lived happily ever after. This story is true. The girl is me, and this happened on April 28, 2001, when I met Terry Kelly, the man who became my husband. Did I know on that day that I had …
3 self-care steps to begin your recovery from narcissistic abuse
If you have tangled with anyone who has an exploitative and manipulative personality disorder, you have endured narcissistic abuse. What, exactly, does that mean? Good question. "Narcissistic abuse" is not an official term listed in the bible of mental health, which is the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association). If you Google the term, you'll find the circular definition that narcissistic abuse is abuse inflicted by a narcissist. Mental health officialdom does not seem to have a good understanding of how these disordered individuals behave in romantic, family or other relationships. So looking for answers, we, the targets, have turned to the …
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How childhood pain leads to involvements with sociopaths
Updated for 2019 Lovefraud recently received this letter from a woman whom we'll call "Nina." I'm posting Nina's story because many Lovefraud readers have told me of similar patterns in their lives. I love this man like I've never loved before. He seemed to be my soul mate.  I have had two failed marriages (no sex in them). I was touched by a neighbour starting when I was 10 and it continued for eight years. My father was totally controlling and I was not allowed friends or to go anywhere except to this neighbour. Both were depressed parents and did not show affection, only criticism. I have always felt alone but now am — parents dead, sister dead within last four years. I …
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On Thanksgiving 2019, the energy of gratitude
One of the most healing energies of the universe is gratitude. No matter what your situation, finding something to be grateful for can help you move forward. This may seem difficult, especially if you've recently discovered that you've been betrayed by a sociopath. But even under these circumstances, you can be grateful that you have finally learned the truth. My own experience with a sociopath was shattering. But one thing that was demolished was the wall I had built around myself. With that gone, I was able to move forward and find true love and companionship, and for that I am grateful. To all Lovefraud readers, thank you for your contributions to our collective …