UPDATED FOR 2020 A girl walks into a bar. A band was playing and the place was packed, so there were no empty bar stools. The girl had had a rough few years. First she married a man who turned out to be a con artist that took all her money. Then she dated a guy who wasn't a con artist, but broke her heart. A tall, nice-looking man leaned against the bar. He offered the girl a place to put her coat. Then he offered to buy the girl a drink. She accepted. They chatted. They danced. And they lived happily ever after. This story is true. The girl is me, and this happened on April 28, 2001, when I met Terry Kelly, the man who became my husband. Did I know on that day that I had …
3 self-care steps to begin your recovery from narcissistic abuse
If you have tangled with anyone who has an exploitative and manipulative personality disorder, you have endured narcissistic abuse. What, exactly, does that mean? Good question. "Narcissistic abuse" is not an official term listed in the bible of mental health, which is the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association). If you Google the term, you'll find the circular definition that narcissistic abuse is abuse inflicted by a narcissist. Mental health officialdom does not seem to have a good understanding of how these disordered individuals behave in romantic, family or other relationships. So looking for answers, we, the targets, have turned to the …
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How childhood pain leads to involvements with sociopaths
Updated for 2019 Lovefraud recently received this letter from a woman whom we'll call "Nina." I'm posting Nina's story because many Lovefraud readers have told me of similar patterns in their lives. I love this man like I've never loved before. He seemed to be my soul mate.  I have had two failed marriages (no sex in them). I was touched by a neighbour starting when I was 10 and it continued for eight years. My father was totally controlling and I was not allowed friends or to go anywhere except to this neighbour. Both were depressed parents and did not show affection, only criticism. I have always felt alone but now am — parents dead, sister dead within last four years. I …
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On Thanksgiving 2019, the energy of gratitude
One of the most healing energies of the universe is gratitude. No matter what your situation, finding something to be grateful for can help you move forward. This may seem difficult, especially if you've recently discovered that you've been betrayed by a sociopath. But even under these circumstances, you can be grateful that you have finally learned the truth. My own experience with a sociopath was shattering. But one thing that was demolished was the wall I had built around myself. With that gone, I was able to move forward and find true love and companionship, and for that I am grateful. To all Lovefraud readers, thank you for your contributions to our collective …
Sociopathic Abuse and Impaired Executive Functioning Skills Â
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., BSC/MT What are executive functioning skills? As a behavioral therapist, I work with many clients who have impaired executive functioning skills. The term sounds pretty fancy and quite technical, but there is a simple explanation. The term executive functioning skills refer to a set of management skills that assist children and adults in achieving their goals through: prioritizing organizing remaining focused regulating emotions As children grow and become critical thinkers, it is necessary to be able to adapt to change and have the ability to revise strategies to reach personal, social and academic goals. What happens when executive …
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Forgiveness and sociopathic abusers — what the Bible says
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBT, BC As a Christian, I am required to forgive someone if they repent from their misdeeds. Genuine repentance means that a person completely refuses to engage in former abusive behaviors, especially when it comes to how that person behaves with you. Humility is required of all human beings in determining that we many have hurt someone by something we have said or done. Are we required to keep forgiving abusers? In the Bible, God is clear about the requirements for forgiveness. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the …
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Video: Finally, how to break your addiction to the sociopath
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/bQp2hwSCWMk"] For all of you who know intellectually that the sociopath is deceitful, abusive, dangerous and unhealthy — yet you struggle to put the person out of your life — this webinar is for you. EFT Tapping to Break Your Addiction to a Sociopath Wednesday, Sept. 25 • 8 - 9 pm ET Instructor: Stacey Vornbrock, MS, LPC You are not imagining your addiction. Stacey Vornbrock, a licensed professional counselor and expert on EFT tapping, explains how your cells really are addicted to certain emotions — emotions that the sociopath is an expert at triggering. This is amazing stuff. These techniques will enable you to finally get the sociopath out of …
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15 typical crises sociopaths create in our lives — and how to start your recovery
Sociopaths can drain us of everything we've got. By the time many of us understand that we're dealing with a human predator, we look around and realize that we are depleted in many areas of our lives. Here are 15 typical crises caused by sociopaths: Our money is gone. We are heavily in debt and our credit is gone. Our housing situation is perilous — we are homeless, in danger of becoming homeless, or stuck living with the sociopath. We don't have reliable transportation. We're not working — the sociopath promised to support us, or we're working for the sociopath, or we are so stressed that we can't work. We've been isolated from family and friends. The sociopath has …
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The importance of recognizing the complexities of sociopath relationships
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following commentary from a reader whom we'll call, "Andrea19." My story is similar to those of so many others in this forum. The things my X-husband did were obviously unacceptable. Our 15 years together was a time of seemingly perfect harmony punctuated by periods of hell, where he descended into ways of punishing me or my oldest daughter that three therapists by now have proclaimed to be classical cases of emotional abuse. He also started cheating on me the year we got married, and this only got worse over time. By the time I was pregnant with our second child. I was also the main income earner. In spite of this, I sacrificed my career by …
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What to do with your anger at the sociopath
When I finally realized that my husband, James Montgomery, had lied to me, cheated on me, and targeted me just to take my money, I was angry. Furious. Outraged. With each lie I discovered, my internal upheaval grew. Yes, he was cheating with multiple women, and taking money from them as well. No, he was not a Hollywood screenwriter, although he pretended to be. No, he had never served in the Australian military, even though he claimed to have won its highest honor. I felt the anger deep within me. I had a hard time concentrating on what I needed to do to extricate myself from the mess. I couldn't sleep. Perhaps you know what I mean. Anger management Dealing with anger was …