Recovery from a sociopath

Here's a question I hear frequently from Lovefraud readers: Do sociopaths return? The answer: Some of them don't, but some of them do. Many people who have been romantically involved with sociopaths experienced the sudden "devalue and discard." One day the sociopath loves you. The next day the sociopath tosses you aside like a used tissue and walks away, without ever looking back. As the person left behind, you may be in shock. You may have had no idea that your partner was unhappy. You may ask yourself, did I do something wrong? Why didn't he or she say something? Can't we work this out? You are also astounded at the callousness of your partner's behavior. All those statements …

After the breakup, do sociopaths return?Read More

I spent three Christmases with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. Every one of them was stressful, unhappy, worrisome and bereft of joyful holiday spirit. Christmas 1996 We had known each other for five months. We'd already had a secret wedding in Australia with his friends and family. For friends and family in New Jersey, we were planning another wedding in January, complete with bridesmaids, a fancy reception for 60 guests and a six-piece band. Montgomery had already blown through $50,000 of my money and credit, and I did not know how we were going to pay for the wedding. And shortly before Christmas Montgomery pressured me into leasing a new car for him. His solution to …

Three miserable Christmases with the sociopath, and how to heal from the memoriesRead More

For the first time in our 17 years together, my husband, Terry Kelly, and I, visited New York City during the holiday season. It was far more magical than I anticipated. At the Birdland jazz club, we saw David and the Bombshells, a retro, 1930s-style band with three female singers (the Bombshells). Then, at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, we saw 20-foot Christmas tree surrounded by a gorgeous, 18th-century Nativity Creche. After that, we visited the Christmas tree Rockefeller Plaza — a 72-foot tall Norway spruce decorated with thousands of LED lights. Then came the best part — the Christmas Spectacular show at Radio City Music Hall, featuring the high-kicking Radio City Roc …

Find healing from the sociopath in the holiday spiritRead More

Happy Thanksgiving to all Lovefraud readers! On this special day, I am grateful for: All of you Lovefraud readers, who so generously share your stories, support and advice to new survivors who visit our site. All of Lovefraud's talented webinar instructors, who share their expertise and wisdom to help you overcome your challenges. Our talented webmaster, Dave Rodrigues, who solves our technical problems. (If you tried to visit yesterday and Lovefraud was down, it is because we were under attack by multiple IP addresses. We have no idea why.) My wonderful husband, Terry Kelly, who offers wonderful support for me and all of Lovefraud. (He also made a killer Pumpkin Chiffon Mousse …

With gratitude on ThanksgivingRead More

By Laura Rubiales, ND, LAc If you find yourself drained and tired after an experience or relationship with a social predator, these are my suggestions: Cut all ties with them and those with whom you will get the social predator’s manipulation. Try to reach some kind of emotional neutrality about the situation so you are not giving them your mental and emotional energy anymore. A skilled therapist can be invaluable in this process. I understand that this is much easier said than done when the predator was an intimate partner or affected your safety in the world. See if you can revitalize yourself with activities that recharge and soothe you…. Mine are yoga classes, time in nature, naps, …

Dr. Laura Rubiales: Addressing fatigue after a social predatorRead More

Life gets everybody down now and then. Sometimes, we get hit with truly traumatizing experiences such as dating a sociopath. Sociopaths can cause a massive decrease in self-esteem, self-confidence, trust, happiness, and just ruin your life in general. Sometimes, when you get stuck in a hole of sadness due to this terrible person, it's hard to climb back out again. If you focus on your sadness, it gets bigger, more overwhelming, and harder to chase away. But you don't have to resign yourself to feeling down. Whether you're sad about something that's happened in your life or you're just in a funk, it's possible to feel better. Here are five things you can do to lift yourself up and renew …

5 Ways to Feel Better After Dating a SociopathRead More

By Laura Rubiales, ND, LAc Do you feel like your body and mental/emotional state changed after an encounter or relationship with a sociopath?   Are you more frazzled, hypervigilant, with a potential sense of impending doom, increased anxiety and insomnia? Have you gained or lost weight? Are you having more digestive issues? Many of these symptoms can be explained physiologically by changes in your autonomic nervous system. Your autonomic nervous system has two states between which it alternates, the sympathetic and parasympathetic. The sympathetic state is your body’s fight or flight system which is meant to mobilize you away from danger. In the sympathetic state, your blood flow is …

Your Autonomic Nervous System and Healing from the SociopathRead More

For many of us, when we finally disengage from the sociopath, our lives are in shambles. We aren't just trying to recover from a broken heart due to the sociopath's unconscionable betrayal. We may also need to recover from financial devastation, ruined relationships with family and friends, lost jobs, lost businesses, lost homes, stress-related illness and the aftershocks of psychological manipulation. No wonder we feel like zombies. Where do we start? How do we rebuild our lives? In the beginning, our focus is rightfully on crisis management. We make sure we have shelter, food, financial support. We must find solutions for the basic issues of survival. Eventually, the crisis …

As you recover from the sociopath, remember to liveRead More