UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a reader who we'll call “Judith.”I hope you read this, you know who you are.I have remained silent for too long. I never used my voice to express how I felt about your actions toward me. I stayed quiet while you stalked and harassed me when I chose to cut all ties with you. I was too worried about what would happen if I spoke up. During that time, I thought no reaction from me would be best and it was. I've since changed my mind and I have determined that there is a difference between "reacting" and using my voice to heal myself.In the last few years, I've done well. I never went back or got caught up in your drama, despite …
FREE introduction to ‘Skills training for recovery from narcissistic abuse’
Lovefraud is pleased to announce a new webinar series called, “Skills training for recovery from narcissistic abuse, gaslighting and toxic stress,” presented by Liane Leedom, M.D.Recovery from the abuse and trauma inflicted by a narcissist, antisocial or psychopath is certainly possible, but it requires effort. In this 13-session program, Dr. Leedom helps you develop the skills to clear your head, deal with stress, gain control of your emotions and create healthy relationships.Please join Dr. Leedom and me for a FREE introductory session:FREE! Your first step towards real recovery from narcissistic abuse and traumaWednesday, Sept. 11, 7-8 pm ET.HighlightsAbout Dr. Liane LeedomDr. Leedom is a …
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10 tips to start dating again after leaving a sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2024. We are allowed to recover from the trauma of a relationship with a sociopath. We are allowed to move on and start dating again. In fact, if we don't move on, if we don't take our lives back, we are still in the trauma. It is healthy to put an end to it.A reporter was writing an article and sent out a query: “How do you know when to trust “your man”? I believe the answer is you can trust your man (or woman) when you can trust yourself.Victim vibesOf course, that is exactly what many of us who had multiple run-ins with sociopaths and other bad actors struggle with. How do we know that we're no longer sending out the “I'm a victim” vibes?I believe the answer is w …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: ‘O like Umbrella,’ and the shut down mechanism
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as “Quest.” He identifies what he believes is the shut down mechanism that psychopaths use on their victims.As most of us know what its like to be a psychopath victim; I am not going to go into all the details of my relationship with a full-blown psychopathic woman that turned my life into a living hell in just 18 months. What I really want to talk about is the mental effects that this woman was able to inflict upon me without my conscious realisation; gaslighting it's called.Just so there is a little background, I am a 55-year-old male and split from my ex psychopath female mate three years ago. We w …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Things people say
UPDATED FOR 2024. Last week, Lovefraud posted a letter from “Cybil,” I did not choose this guy. Here's more of her experience about "things people say."I'll call this, “Things people say, part II.” This is the other one that bugs me: "You're paranoid." I always have a good 24 hours of self-doubt before I realize they're the ones that are nuts, not me. I know a lot more about what crazy stuff is out there in the world than your average, never-tangled-with-a-sociopath human does.I just went to a seminar of a national expert on how domestic violence leads to murder, especially for women. Over and over he said, "Trust your instinct." He told the audience to take women seriously when they have the …
Dancing as treatment for depression
If you’re feeling depressed — and if you’re involved with a sociopath or narcissist, you certainly have reason to be depressed — how do you overcome it? Many people turn to therapy or medication, but research shows that physical exercise may be just as good. Dancing as treatment for depression is particularly effective.A new study published by the BMJ (formerly British Medical Journal) analyzed multiple previous studies with the objective of identifying the optimal dose and type of exercise for treating major depressive disorder, compared with psychotherapy, antidepressants and control conditions.“Exercise is an effective treatment for depression, with walking or jogging, yoga, and strength t …
Sociopaths can sense deep emotional wounds in the human energy field
UPDATED FOR 2024: A Lovefraud reader sent me the following question:"I seem to only attract what I believe are sociopaths into my life even when I am not trying to find anyone. I feel as if they find me and try to befriend me. Is there some kind of an explanation for this?"This reader posts as "Sam." I previously published her story as a "Letter to Lovefraud." She has deep emotional wounds, and the explanation for her current experience is in her story. Please read it:I have no further use to him and I am being disposed ofSam's story is absolutely tragic. Here is what happened to her:Can you imagine the breadth and depth of Sam's emotional wounds? These wounds are the reason why Sam keeps …
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Should I warn the next victim?
UPDATED FOR 2024: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as “forever_me.” She asks a very important question: "Should I warn the next victim?" I'll answer her question after her letter.Hello. I am looking for some guidance. I was in a romantic relationship with a P for over 2 years, but just broke it off earlier this week. I discovered that he was using an online dating site and was able to access it because I knew the patterns of his passwords. I created a bogus profile on the same website and contacted one of the women he was messaging. She was shocked to hear from me because my P told her he was single and not dating anyone. What was worse was that they had eng …
What if you decide to stay with your sociopathic spouse?
You’ve finally figured out what’s wrong with your husband or wife — he or she is disordered. But life is complicated, and maybe you’re wondering if your best option, at least for the time being, is to stay with your sociopathic spouse. Maybe you’ve been married for years. Maybe your relationship was always confusing, your partner wasn’t honest with you, or you felt like you were being used. In the meantime, you went on with life, intermingled your finances, had kids. Now you’ve finally figured out what’s wrong — your partner is disordered. How should you deal with him or her? And how can you care for yourself?Sociopathic spouses are not created equalIf you’re trying to decide what t …
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4 psychological and biological reasons why you can’t accept your partner is a sociopath
After much confusion, perhaps years of confusion, you finally realize why your relationship is so difficult. You’re dealing with a sociopath. This person has hurt, manipulated and exploited you — on purpose. So why won’t you believe it? Here are four psychological and biological reasons why you can’t accept that your partner is a sociopath.He or she is abusive to you. It might be physical, sexual or financial abuse, but certainly emotional or psychological abuse. You know this. You’ve been disappointed time and time again. So why do you still cling on, hoping the person will change?Your inability to end the involvement isn’t necessarily a failure of willpower. I’m going to explain f …
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