Christmas is the time of peace and joy. To all Lovefraud readers, know that peace and joy are possible, even after what you've experienced. Commit to your recovery. Even if you experience a few bumps in the road, keep going. Through patience and perseverance, you can become whole again, I promise you. May the Christmas spirit help you move from the darkness to the light. Much love to all, Donna and Terry …
Sarah Strudwick Presents: ‘Dark Souls’ – The Aftermath Talk
Editor's note: Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships. She has also created a wonderful animation that describes the antics of a sociopath, called Exposing the Mask of Insanity. Sarah Strudwick Presents: 'Dark Souls' — The Aftermath Talk LONDON Saturday 31st January 2015 12.30-2.30 A good way of describing the relationship with a sociopath is to liken it to a Tsunami. Sometimes you are lucky enough to come out of it unscathed but for many you are left with an aftermath which can take days, months or even years to clean up. Five years ago Sarah Strudwick decided to write Dark Souls fresh out of her relationship with a s …
Sarah Strudwick Presents: ‘Dark Souls’ – The Aftermath TalkRead More
An abused woman’s negotiation with herself
Writing in the first person, Reut Amit describes a dialog that many abused women know: As long as her partner wasn't hitting her, she could put up with his lies, his cheating, his verbal and psychological abuse, and her isolation. “I set a benchmark. The red line I wouldn't cross. The minute he hit me, I would leave,” Amit writes on Huffington Post. With the help of other abused women, she did not wait until the arbitrary red line was crossed to get out of the relationship. He Never Hit Me, from HuffingtonPost.com. Link supplied by MaryAnn Glynn. Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline or visit the National Sexual Assault Online …
Journaling keeps you grounded so you don’t fall down the rabbit hole into Wonderland – where you are ‘wondering’ if it is real or not
Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who goes by the name "GoldenGirl.” I remember my first red flag. We were walking to his car on a first date after about three months of telephone conversation after we first met. I was so shocked by what “I” blurted out, that I ignored my own advice. As we were close to his car, I turned to him and said, for no specific reason, “If you ever lie to me I will leave you.” I immediately apologized and said, “I don't know where that came from! I have never said anything like that to someone before in my life.” It is five years later and I dearly wish that I had followed my own advice. I was 65 at the time, had not …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Alone. Exhausted. Lonely. Stressed. Stuck.
Editor's note: This letter was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Billyjean.” All names in this letter have been changed. Donna Andersen will comment on this story tomorrow. When I met "Joseph," I had been through my fair share of heartbreak. I was a single mum with a five-year-old little girl, who had little contact with her dad, a Swedish national, and, as I was from overseas, I had no family here. No grandma and grandpa for her, no aunties or uncles. I had to be everything. I did my best to give her a happy home. Dating as a single parent is tricky. You have to consider carefully when is the right time to introduce a prospective new partner to your little one …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Alone. Exhausted. Lonely. Stressed. Stuck.Read More
Out of the pain of a failed relationship some good may come
While torturing herself by rehashing the details of her second broken marriage over and over again, Jill Gross heard amidst the noise a gentler voice inside her whisper, “Be patient. The most painful relationships can be the best teachers.” After she heard that voice, she began to let herself consider that, just maybe, this heinous experience was serving a benevolent purpose she had yet to discover. And that's when the learning began. How Painful Relationships Can Be The Best Teachers, from tiny Buddha. Link supplied by Mary Ann Glynn. …
Out of the pain of a failed relationship some good may comeRead More
Our son acts just like his sociopath father; maybe even worse
Editor's Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Good Mom.” The father of my son was a spath. He is now deceased. He killed himself. He was a drug and alcohol addict and he was very abusive. I was beaten regularly. I was a possession. He owned me and he owned everything that was mine. He lied as easily as he breathed. I went through a very difficult break up with him when my son was 3 years old. I did not know until after his death that he was a spath. We have a son who is now 37 years old, and I do believe this is hereditary because he is also a spath and acts exactly the same as his father, maybe even worse. I had never known anyone who beh …
Our son acts just like his sociopath father; maybe even worseRead More
The critical thinking skills and instincts he tried to erode ended up saving my life
Editor's note: This story is from a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Eve2014." I have what is known as Narcissistic Victim Syndrome, and have suffered from it since I was narcissistically abused* by my father, who was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been diligently and continuously working on myself in therapy for many years, with a slew of diagnoses that are all incorrect. It is only because of my involvement with a psychoanalytic therapist who behaved like a sociopath,** that I have reached the depths of emotional devastation and worked like a demon to solve the mystery. I cannot say whether Dr. X is a sociopath, psychopath, or narcissist, as I am not …
The critical thinking skills and instincts he tried to erode ended up saving my lifeRead More
If Psychopaths Were Identified
If psychopaths were actively identified across institutions, we would more consistently know exactly who we're dealing with. Their stats on getting away with murder would go (way) down. They would be less likely to win full custody in divorce. There would be more public awareness around who's running certain companies. And our public and professional belief that interactional assessments and background checks tell us all we need to know about a person would be turned on its head to the benefit of all involved. If psychopaths were identified consistently and accurately by all mental health professionals (which would require major change in nearly every clinical training …
Struggling with no contact?
No contact is of the utmost importance when it comes to recovering from any unhealthy relationship. Why, then, can it be so hard to maintain? How is it that we can do so well for long stretches and then become instant Jell-O with seemingly little warning? Of the myriad of struggles we may experience during recovery, this seems to be one of the most common snags. The cold reality is that we are going through withdrawal and there is no methadone to ease the pain of this addiction. Making matters worse, each and every time we break it, the clock starts over, feeling worse than we did previously. However, from experience, I know that we do get to the point where we truly do not care to em …