Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who goes by the name "GoldenGirl.” I remember my first red flag. We were walking to his car on a first date after about three months of telephone conversation after we first met. I was so shocked by what “I” blurted out, that I ignored my own advice. As we were close to his car, I turned to him and said, for no specific reason, “If you ever lie to me I will leave you.” I immediately apologized and said, “I don't know where that came from! I have never said anything like that to someone before in my life.” It is five years later and I dearly wish that I had followed my own advice. I was 65 at the time, had not …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Alone. Exhausted. Lonely. Stressed. Stuck.
Editor's note: This letter was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Billyjean.” All names in this letter have been changed. Donna Andersen will comment on this story tomorrow. When I met "Joseph," I had been through my fair share of heartbreak. I was a single mum with a five-year-old little girl, who had little contact with her dad, a Swedish national, and, as I was from overseas, I had no family here. No grandma and grandpa for her, no aunties or uncles. I had to be everything. I did my best to give her a happy home. Dating as a single parent is tricky. You have to consider carefully when is the right time to introduce a prospective new partner to your little one …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Alone. Exhausted. Lonely. Stressed. Stuck.Read More
Out of the pain of a failed relationship some good may come
While torturing herself by rehashing the details of her second broken marriage over and over again, Jill Gross heard amidst the noise a gentler voice inside her whisper, “Be patient. The most painful relationships can be the best teachers.” After she heard that voice, she began to let herself consider that, just maybe, this heinous experience was serving a benevolent purpose she had yet to discover. And that's when the learning began. How Painful Relationships Can Be The Best Teachers, from tiny Buddha. Link supplied by Mary Ann Glynn. …
Out of the pain of a failed relationship some good may comeRead More
Our son acts just like his sociopath father; maybe even worse
Editor's Note: This SPATH Tale was submitted by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Good Mom.” The father of my son was a spath. He is now deceased. He killed himself. He was a drug and alcohol addict and he was very abusive. I was beaten regularly. I was a possession. He owned me and he owned everything that was mine. He lied as easily as he breathed. I went through a very difficult break up with him when my son was 3 years old. I did not know until after his death that he was a spath. We have a son who is now 37 years old, and I do believe this is hereditary because he is also a spath and acts exactly the same as his father, maybe even worse. I had never known anyone who beh …
Our son acts just like his sociopath father; maybe even worseRead More
The critical thinking skills and instincts he tried to erode ended up saving my life
Editor's note: This story is from a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Eve2014." I have what is known as Narcissistic Victim Syndrome, and have suffered from it since I was narcissistically abused* by my father, who was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have been diligently and continuously working on myself in therapy for many years, with a slew of diagnoses that are all incorrect. It is only because of my involvement with a psychoanalytic therapist who behaved like a sociopath,** that I have reached the depths of emotional devastation and worked like a demon to solve the mystery. I cannot say whether Dr. X is a sociopath, psychopath, or narcissist, as I am not …
The critical thinking skills and instincts he tried to erode ended up saving my lifeRead More
If Psychopaths Were Identified
If psychopaths were actively identified across institutions, we would more consistently know exactly who we're dealing with. Their stats on getting away with murder would go (way) down. They would be less likely to win full custody in divorce. There would be more public awareness around who's running certain companies. And our public and professional belief that interactional assessments and background checks tell us all we need to know about a person would be turned on its head to the benefit of all involved. If psychopaths were identified consistently and accurately by all mental health professionals (which would require major change in nearly every clinical training …
Struggling with no contact?
No contact is of the utmost importance when it comes to recovering from any unhealthy relationship. Why, then, can it be so hard to maintain? How is it that we can do so well for long stretches and then become instant Jell-O with seemingly little warning? Of the myriad of struggles we may experience during recovery, this seems to be one of the most common snags. The cold reality is that we are going through withdrawal and there is no methadone to ease the pain of this addiction. Making matters worse, each and every time we break it, the clock starts over, feeling worse than we did previously. However, from experience, I know that we do get to the point where we truly do not care to em …
My ‘knight in shining armor’ turned out to be a sociopath
Editor's note: The following was written by "Cajungirl." I found my "knight in shining armor" as a single mom of a six-month-old baby. My boyfriend was too good to be true to myself and my son. I fell in love quickly and soon life was easier and we settled into home life. Three years later I am pregnant with my second child and decided to marry the man I loved. He traveled 4-5 days a week so we decided I would be the at-home caregiver. My relationship changed abruptly when I began to feel isolated and out of touch. I had to fight for a part time job to have a social outlet. I was a fine dining server and enjoyed the easy money that was mine. I had to work only when my husband was …
My ‘knight in shining armor’ turned out to be a sociopathRead More
To get rid of a sociopath, think out of the box!
One way to convince a sociopath to leave you alone may be to make yourself unappealing. Here are suggestions from a Lovefraud reader: Why all the drama with the cops, probation, looking over shoulder, parole, etc.? The secret seems to be getting the stalker to want no further parts of you. My cousin did that by explaining an elective surgery as a bowel surgery and with a product called Liquid Ass sprayed down the back of her pants confronted him outside her house with the explanation that it's a lifelong after effect she'll have to live with. This sociopath was a daily threat and annoyance and that was the last time she ever saw him, which was August of 2011. Horrid stench along with …
Mary Ann Glynn: Deceit – the most destructive abuse
By Mary Ann Glynn, located in Bernardsville, New Jersey I have noticed that those who get involved with a sociopath, whether it's for 30 years or three months, the relationship has the same devastating effect. I've heard some describe even a brief encounter with a sociopath as the most destructive relationship they'd ever been in, even if they had previously been in a physically abusive relationship. What makes this true? Loss of value and power Any abusive relationship is destructive. In order to survive it, a person has to sublimate their needs and their identity, and a loss of self is experienced over time. Self-esteem is battered. Ongoing exposure to physical or verbal degradation from …
Mary Ann Glynn: Deceit – the most destructive abuseRead More