Editor's note: This is the first post by Lovefraud's newest blog author, Kathleen Hawk. She previously posted many thoughtful comments under the screen name "khatalyst." Last year, 2008, was a year in which we faced the cost of sociopathy in our economy. Huge financial firms were destroyed or deeply damaged by their own corporate cultures. Their employees were encouraged to pursue personal gain, without concern about the messes they left behind or the damage they did to other people's lives. The results are loss and suffering, even for people who had nothing to do with these companies. It sounds familiar, doesn't it? Sociopathy taken to a grand scale. But there are people and …
Stop thinking about that sociopath and enjoy a Christmas Movie
A romantic relationship with a sociopath can leave a person sour on the opposite sex, or on people in general. I said last week that sociopaths try to train their partners in their disordered thinking patterns. Recovery involves purging the sociopath's mollifications and seeing the beauty in life again. Recovery means a renewed ability to appreciate the loving connections we still have. Sometimes art, music and cinema can help us do that. This Christmas we were not able to be with our family in California. But it was a “warm” beautiful day in Connecticut, so the kids and I walked the dog on the beach, went to the movies and ate out at a Chinese restaurant. I recommend the movie we saw bec …
Stop thinking about that sociopath and enjoy a Christmas MovieRead More
Finally, feeling the joy of Christmas
On this Christmas Day, I am filled with joy, happiness and love. It has nothing to do with Santa Claus being good to me, or the gifts I offered to my husband and family—after all, there is a recession going on, and it has affected us. Rather, I am filled with joy, happiness and love because now, after the sociopath, life is good. In fact, life has never been better. This is a significant, even miraculous, change for me. In the years before I met my sociopathic ex—from age 20 to 40—I didn't feel joy, happiness or love. Instead, I was mostly numb. If anything broke through the wall of numbness, it was longing. Then the sociopath arrived, and promised me what I so desperately wanted—an end to …
Overcoming Evil, Tragedy and Fear
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. It's Christmas Eve and I am full of gratitude today. I witnessed evil first hand as my father, a sociopath, murdered at least four (4) people and destroyed countless lives. It almost doesn't make sense that I could be so happy and peaceful today, but it is a fact for me. I do not ask or need others to believe what I believe; I only share my personal experience. It is Faith that changed my life. I came to a place, a way of thinking, that was just too painful to live with so I made a decision to try something different. I prayed for help, for truth and …
Life’s Lessons 101: The Knowledge of Good and Evil
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By OxDrover In the Bible the story of Adam and Eve living in the Garden of Eden, in perfect paradise, is a story familiar to most children who have gone to Bible school at one point or another in their lives. If you take that same story, though, and look at it through adult eyes, you can see that there is a great moral to this tale, whether you believe it as a “creation” story or not. Before the “fall,” Adam and Eve had only dealt with a loving God/Creator who had given them a wonderful place to live in peace and plenty. They were naked and innocent in this para …
Radar not for the sociopath, but for the wrong people
Most of the people who will be bad for us are not sociopaths, and so we want our radar to be sharp, not specifically for sociopaths, but for wrong, bad people of every stripe. True, sociopaths will be terrible people with whom to enter relationships; in the end, though, they will represent a small fraction of a much greater majority of very wrong people for us. As I suggested in a prior post, there are two keys to protecting ourselves from Mr. or Mrs. WRONG: The first is developing intelligent radar; the second is acting wisely on that radar. After all, good radar, no less than good CIA intelligence, is useless if it's ignored or devalued. Now, are there cases of sociopaths (and the lot …
Radar not for the sociopath, but for the wrong peopleRead More
After the sociopath, learning to trust again
A Lovefraud reader posted the following comment awhile back: I just have one question for everyone here. Does anyone trust people after these sick people did what they did to us? Unfortunately for me, I have run across a few of these sickos but NONE like my ex. Whoever I meet now I'm thinking to myself, who is this person really? Do they have a secret life like the Scott Petersons and Ted Bundys of this world? I don't let my children out of my sight and I'm already training my kids and they all know the signs of a sociopath especially my girls. I feel like I'm in a prison sometimes in my mind as I try so hard but just can't trust anyone. Yes, it is possible to trust again. Remember, …
No parole: Family is a life sentence
If you live within an hour of San Francisco, I hope you will consider an evening of theater at The Marsh, this holiday season. On most nights, Carlo D'Amore performs No Parole, an autobiographical one-man show that points to the fact that “family is a life sentence.” Carlo has a great deal in common with all of us since he grew up in the shadow of his late mother who was a con artist. Although Carlo left home as soon as he could at age 18, he continued to have contact with his mother. Towards the end of her life, she suffered a right brain stroke and could not live alone. Carlo took her in and cared for her. Even in this state, his mother continued to con and manipulate him. He explained …
I am thankful
By BloggerT7165 I am a survivor. And I am thankful for that. It's not something I take for granted because I know there are many who do not survive the abuse that is inflicted by their loved ones, trusted spouses or friends or parents. This is a hurtful experience that literally kills people. And if the wound itself doesn't kill, then the infection that follows from the collusion of friends, neighbors, confidants, professionals, and others will many times finish off the job. Every abuse story is a tragic one, but the stories of those who successfully commit suicide are among the most heart-wrenching of all. Many abuse victims survive in body, but are lost in other ways. Lost to the …
The getting in is easy, why’s the getting out so hard?
If it's easy getting into a relationship with an exploiter, getting out isn't always so simple. What makes the getting out so difficult? In retrospect (if we're lucky enough to say “in retrospect”) it seems like it should have been a no-brainer. In truth there are many reasons it can be hard to leave a destructive relationship and destructive person. I've addressed several of them in previous posts, and the LoveFraud community in general has addressed this theme comprehensively. But here I'd like to consider a less-appreciated factor. I regard it as the factor of habituation. Optimally the best time to end a relationship with an exploiter is the very first signal you get that something i …
The getting in is easy, why’s the getting out so hard?Read More
