How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Hundreds of readers have sent their stories to Lovefraud. Read what others have endured — it will sound just like your experiences. You are not alone.

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we'll call "Filippa." She found relief by letting go of monetary justice — even though she was entitled to it. I've been reading Lovefraud for years. I've also been in a legal battle with the ex that has been clinically diagnosed as narcissist, OCD, paranoid that has a father of the same, with millions who loves to be in legal battles for sport, and whose motto is, "I'll show you how to screw over an ex-wife." Yesterday, seven years later, we finally went to trial. Yesterday, I figured it out — releasing all his obligations to me, means I free myself of him ever having any more control to man …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Losing the fear of What Ifs

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Editor's Note: This is another email from the Lovefraud reader whom we're calling “Adelle.” She previously contributed, Are you seeing someone else? This time she relates the freedom that comes with losing the fear of What Ifs. I finally left my SP and like the alka-seltzer commercial used to say, “Oh what a relief it is.” My decision to leave was made a long time ago. Today I thought to myself, “Why didn't I do this sooner?” I didn't do it sooner because of fear, of course. I had so many “What Ifs?” I never questioned whether it was in my best interest, I knew it was. The “What Ifs?” were in reference to him. What if he contacts my friends and tries to make me look bad? What if he …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I provided her a road map to my life

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Editor's Note: The following post was written by a Lovefraud reader who comments as RobertinSeattle. He realized that in providing detailed answers in an online profile, he provided a female predator with a road map to his life. Boy, I've started and re-started this post several times. Each time, a new idea or thought comes up that changes what I want to convey in my first open post about a recent breakup that started from a popular online dating site. But let me start off with some general observations: I've noted on many websites and blogs that sociopaths make up anywhere from 1% - 4% of our society. And that male sociopaths outnumber females by as many as 8-to-1. While I might agree …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: What would you do and what would you think?

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Maryjane." She describes a lifetime of abuse from her family members, and asks 'what would you do?' If your husband, whom you found out had affairs all during your marriage, had a child with his secretary, paid her hush money, came on to your mother, grandmother, and another sister, told you that he had an affair with your sister during the time frame that you were readying for divorce, would you believe him? Also, this man gambled away most all the money in the marriage on football and golf betting (at a country club that you were the member of, not him, as he ran up bills) and was an alcoholic. And …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Email to self – do not go back to the disordered partner!

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from the reader who posts as “Duped no more!" She wanted to remind herself why she should not go back to the disordered partner {A brief definition of my breaking NC, after almost 9 months, and a brief explanation of the experience and what I would say if I had to explain it to someone else. I had to send it to myself because there is nobody else but you who would understand} "I went back for you, with my heart in my hand and you just devoured it with no care nor consceince." Nothing has changed; don't listen no more; don't go back! This is it. I have seen and heard what I needed to and now it's time to move forward once a …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A thank you note to my sociopath

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Editor's note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader "Adelle." It's a thank you note to the sociopath who targeted her. You'll see why.  To the sociopath: I just want to thank you for all the things you do that keep me away from you! Had you not done those things or continue to do them, I may have thought you'd changed. You know we here at Lovefraud sometimes give you sociopaths too much credit! You guys are not as bright and slick as we think you are. You keep doing the things that confirm who and what you are. If you would just walk away, respect and accept the fact that you have been dumped, maybe you could fool us again into thinking you have an ounce of dignity. …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We met at church – I thought he was a decent man

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Editor's note: The Lovefraud reader who posts as "Radar_On" sent the following letter about a man she met at church and married. She thought he was a decent man. How does one begin to tell the tale of the masquerade and the swath of destruction at the hands of liars, narcissists, sociopaths, and so on? The psychological, emotional, mental damage that has been inflicted upon us is too much for the "normal" person to comprehend. Unless someone has been through, and survived living through situations like this, average people just can't understand, or relate! I am a 52yr. old woman that has been through much in my life. This current situation is my 3rd. marriage. My first ex husband (my …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Layers of shame and guilt

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UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a woman who is herself a mental health professional about the layers of shame and guilt that she feels. Names have been changed. The sociopath has an amazing ability to determine who can be manipulated or is vulnerable. When I separated from my sociopath, I had to recognize how I was conditioned as a child to be trusting and compliant. I was rewarded when I took care of others; my parents wanted a kind child. Their shaping was successful and I care very well for others. What I lacked was the ability to care for myself and to discern who deserved my care, who would return the love and respect that I gave. Lack …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Mother as sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: The following email was sent by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "OpalRose" about her sociopathic mother. I'm not a good writer, but I've learned so much the past 3 years from Love Fraud that I decided to write about my “Long Night's Journey into Day” about emerging from childhood with a sociopathic mother. My first experience of something amiss that stuck with me was probably pre-school when she had a full-blown temper tantrum that I brought her too many envelopes. She had asked for “a few envelopes” and I had brought 7 — she even counted them out and screamed that I should know that “a few” means 3. So much for my ability to read minds. She insisted t …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Partners in an unhealthy dance

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UPDATED FOR 2025. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following article from a woman who posts as Willow888. She wrote about her unhealthy dance with a sociopath. I recently started to work through the awful morass of feelings that follow an interaction with a disordered person. These people are such deceptive and expert manipulators they can apparently draw in even the healthiest of partners, partly because their behavior is beyond normal imagining and experience. Just as we're taught to drive a car defensively, to suppose that every other driver is asleep at the wheel, we could still get taken unawares by a driver who aims at us head on, deliberately. That we wouldn't necessarily be …

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