UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following essay from a reader whom we'll call "SnowWhite" describing the heart thief she encountered.He is clever and cunning. He has many talents. He sees you before you see him. It may be something you are wearing that attracts him. Maybe it's your laugh or your spirit. You are vulnerable. He knows it. You are trustworthy and caring. He knows it. You have only been with two men your whole life. He knows it. You are lonely. He knows it. You have been married for 25 years. He doesn't care.He is a carpenter. He builds your trust and friendship. You see him weekly in your workout class. One day he smiles at you. The next day he says …
Hundreds of readers have sent their stories to Lovefraud. Read what others have endured — it will sound just like your experiences. You are not alone.
He used me from the start
Editor’s note: A young woman from India recounts her experience with a man whom she now knows is a sociopath. She says, “He used me from the start.”I found out about his disorder just a few days back. I was looking for answers, trying to understand this disorder better and also make sense of what happened to me and that is how I found Lovefraud.com.I met him in 2019, almost 5 years ago and was in a relationship with him since then till about a few days ago when I found out about him. He manipulated and lied to me the whole time. I would have never found out about his disorder had the other woman who he was cheating me with, magically I would say, by the Almighty's grace somehow managed to con …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This is the time for me to learn who I am
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Adelade." After the sociopath, she says, this is the time to learn who she is.Since the collapse of my second marriage, I have learned more than I would ever have wanted to know about sociopathy and their source targets - better known as, "victims." At one point, I had believed that my second marriage was stable, trust-based, and supportive, but I have recounted the years and the stunning discoveries that I made about my ex, and the symptoms (or, Red Flags) were all there, though they were more subtle and the absence of physical abuse, helped to frame the ex's facade.Through some very …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: She was deceiving both of us and living a double life
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a man whom we'll call "Roger." He says his girlfriend was seeing two men at once, deceiving both of them and living a double life.UPDATED FOR 2024: First off this is a man's story and I hope it will help other men who have had to deal with sociopathic women. No offense women but most stories here are written by women!So I met my X-fiancee about 3 years at a job function. She was beautiful, sweet, caring, attractive — just seemed like an extremely “genuine” person at the time. We would constantly email each other all day and the more we conversed, the more I was realizing how similar we both were in every way. We were both divorced, ha …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: To the liar named SHAME!
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following was sent to Lovefraud by the reader who posts as “Adelle.” She realized she was listening to a liar named shame, and banished it from her life.Looking back now, I realize how much damage SHAME can do. Of course the Spaths do the damage but along the way we pick up things that we think keep us safe. These things that we cling to so tightly do exactly the opposite of what we think they do.Shame was one of my worst enemies in my SP experience. I didn't want anyone to know, what would they say? What would they think of me? They won't believe me!When I finally started telling people about my experience, I got the occasional, “Not you, you're so …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Hooked by an Internet predator
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud recently received the following e-mail from a reader whom we'll call “Greta.” She writes about being hooked by an internet predator.After being married for 23 years to an alcoholic, being sad and lonely, I was vulnerable and targeted by a sociopath online through Facebook. I live in the US, he was from the Netherlands but living in Italy at time. He sent me a random friend request, I accepted, we talked on instant message chat occasionally for about 9 months and then he zeroed in.He speaks 5 languages fluently and has traveled to many countries. He is very bright and articulate. We had similar interests, especially spiritually, or at least the ill …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A sorry senior citizen
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Regina," a senior citizen who encountered a sociopath.I am now 77 years old and my sociopath is 74. We were together almost 7 years. You would think at my age I would have known better. I have finally left the creep for the 4th time, and with the help of Lovefraud blogs, I am on my way to full recovery. It still hurts that I could have been so stupid, but here's my story.To try and understand why I let myself be sucked in to a relationship with this creep, I have to go back 18 years to when my husband died. Shortly after his death, my nephew, then 15 years old, robbed me to the tune of …
Am I a sociopath magnet?
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Kristinan32." Donna Andersen responds at the end of it.I've had a long history with NPDs and Sociopaths. Am I some sort of magnet?I am a caring individual, rescue animals, take care of people. Go figure. My daughter's father was one, the last guy I was with was one, up until he died.Two years later, I decided I've 'healed' somewhat after everything, and I see my old friend's brother on a social media site. I never really knew him, so I contacted him, out of the blue. So, we hit it off fast. This is unlike me, I don't take things fast. We talk, we get along, everything's fun and good.He tells me he has mental …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it!
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following post was submitted by the Lovefraud reader “Adelle.”We often hear the saying, “If the shoe fits wear it.” We all know people are not referring to a shoe. In other words, if the description fits you, own up to it. If someone calls you a fool, and you think you are a fool, then wear that title! If someone calls you a hypocrite and you agree, wear it, you are a hypocrite.But when this phrase is used, it isn't usually given to you as an option. It is usually used as a weapon of accusation. With evil, with intent to hurt. For example, “Are you calling me a liar?” Response: “Well, if the shoe fits wear it.” The person hearing this phrase is usually on …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Thoughts about All Alone
UPDATED FOR 2024. Editor's note: The following email was sent by a Lovefraud reader, whom we'll call “Pamela.” She was married to a sociopath and subject to domestic violence.ALL ALONEAll Alone, I am lying on the floor, all "woe is me," the man who promised to love me lied. I can't find a friend and my own mother's phone doesn't work.All Alone, I'm crying on this floor.All Alone, I notice I am still here. I am sad, but still here, and I've protected my dog that he threatened. My dog is still here. And my body is healthy, even after it has been thrown and bruised, I can still GET UP.All Alone, I feel my feet, I wiggle my toes.All Alone, the tears stop falling, and I look at my feet, and I ris …