Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales

Editor's notes: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as "Kaki Pants." I just came out of a relationship, a year long relationship, which I think the guy might be a psychopath after telling the whole story to my male friends, female friends never would have thought he could be a psycho btw. Men and women think very differently. So I met this guy a year ago, last April through an online dating app. We met for several times, dinners, lunches, coffees, I took it slow, cuz I didn't want to get myself attached too soon before knowing who this guy really is. Obviously, I didn't take it slow enough in the end. We got together; everything seems well. He runs a startup …

Before I felt angry, now I feel sad – I need adviceRead More

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Celia." Names have been changed. Read Part 1. His home loan Out of the blue one day, probably two weeks after I had arrived, he had me sit on his lap, and was stroking my arm lovingly. He casually asked if when my home sold, I could put the proceeds into his home loan. I got the strangest twinge of panic inside me, and asked him why I would do that. He immediately threw me off his lap and became tense and argumentative. To calm him down, I suggested we maybe buy a holiday home together along the coastline somewhere. He was not interested at all. Thinking back, he probably had a stinky credit record and …

The tables were turning – I was not the easy open target anymore (Part 2)Read More

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Celia." Names have been changed. Hi Donna, I have been reading your blog for a few years now and although I have not made myself visible, I have been active reading all the stories and advice you have shared with everyone. Your blog created an awareness within myself of just what I had encountered, and why I felt so traumatised during and after the relationship. There were times I could not bring myself to read some of the stories, as it brought back so much of the trauma I was wanting to suppress. My relationship was very short, about 6 months in total, but nevertheless, shattered my dreams and faith in …

The tables were turning – I was not the easy open target anymore (Part 1)Read More

Editor's note: Lovefraud received this story from a reader whom we'll call "Ellie." This is the story of how I allowed myself to become emotionally dismantled by the man to whom I chose to give my heart. I loved him unconditionally. I accepted and forgave him without judgment. I empathized with stories of his childhood, when he felt unseen, unloved and insecure. I nurtured him through times of deep depression, drug abuse and alcoholism. I made excuse after excuse by rationalizing his behavior and convincing myself that I knew he could be more than what he was. I believed he could be the man I saw him to be, the man he wished he could be ”¦ I held on to hope that it would be ok, and that th …

I continued to choose him over everyone and everything that ever mattered to meRead More

[youtube_sc url="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKtYJyhTe40" title="How%20do%20I%20avoid%20dating%20a%20sociopath%20like%20my%20father?"] A young woman who posts on Lovefraud as "Butterfly" first contacted me in August. She had recognized that her boyfriend was disordered. She also realized that her father was disordered, which set her up to tolerate the lying, cheating boyfriend. We exchanged emails several times over the last few months. She asked excellent questions, and I made two "Letters to Lovefraud" videos to answer them, which are included in this post. With her permission, I've reproduced our email exchange. Her experience illustrates the confusing and painful experience of a …

Classic sociopathic father: Lies, manipulation, gaslighting, and finally the truth is revealedRead More

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman whom we'll call "JoLynn." I first dated my ex when I was 18. We split after 15 months but I was still in love with him many years later. After a 22-year marriage, I found myself divorced. After a couple of casual boyfriends, I contacted my ex by carrying out an Internet search. I was just short of my 50th birthday. He responded to my email and the relationship took off again, as if we had never been parted. We lived about 140 miles away from each other but he soon came to see me. I was so in love, we made plans and I was told that his alcoholic wife was in the advanced stages of illnesses and would soon die. The magic …

Reconnecting with my teen love, I was hooked – until he walked outRead More