How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The king, the charade, the wardrobe change

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Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “LadyinRed.” I call myself Lady in Red. Surreal, this journey has been, ongoing it is. I live in hiding. A facade, a delusion much of my life has been. I finally awoke. I became aware. This last year has shown me. A sense of entitlement I see in so many. They take from others, wanting more. A mask they wear. Welcome to my theatre, a comic tragedy. I was half past my fourth decade, separated for years, two daughters I raised. One day my eldest said, I did something for you, come see! She showed me an account on a date site in my name. Time to get out there she said, play the dating game. A computer I had never use …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from a Sociopathic “friend” and business partner

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Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Brielle.”  Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Three years ago I left someone whom I only recently understood displays all the classic symptoms of being a sociopath. I'm writing this now to help other people who have had a close relationship, but not a romantic relationship, with a sociopath. It is still just as devastating when you have made the person the centre of your world. Young, vulnerable, and naive; the perfect target I was very young when I met her, emotionally vulnerable and naïve. To me she seemed so clever and charismatic. She offered me love, seemingly solutions to my lack of self …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Why, why, why did I say yes to a sociopath?

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Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “IMarriedIt.” Names are changed. Thirteen years ago, I was an attractive, confident single woman. I owned a small house with 2 cats & a dog. I wasn't looking to date when I met a charsmatic man at work, Simon, or rather, he made a beeline for me. I told him I wasn't interested in dating. He then chose the words he knew would reassure me, that we could spend time together as just friends, but it wouldn't be dating. We did things together & had dinner as pals (so I thought). He amped up the charm and was likeable & witty, though I thought there was something a little strange about him. One night he rang my doo …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I am a sociopath

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Lovefraud received the following email from a man who says he is a sociopath. It is published for educational purposes, to provide insight into how he thinks. Comments will not be allowed on this post. I'm a sociopath. I've known for a very long time that I'm a sociopath and that's that. I'm writing to you because I want your opinion. Let me tell you a bit about myself. I am a highly intelligent male with an IQ of 167. Everyone around me calls me a genius or prodigy; I just think I'm me. I am what I am and it's the only world I know. I am exceptionally good at deduction and reading people. The best example I give for myself would be Sherlock Holmes for the BBC TV series Sherlock. I can …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: On a healing path with my inner child

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Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Adelade.” The first epiphany of my recovery from the exspath's damage was when my astute counselor identified my “shame-core.” In that same session, it was suggested that I read Healing The Shame That Binds You, by Bradshaw. Since I was grasping for any and every lifeline, I undertook this suggestion with a tenacity that, even in retrospect, still astounds me. I needed answers and my counselor rather shoved me in that direction, mercilessly. I use the term, “mercilessly,” because it seemed harsh at the time, but it was a truly caring and merciful shove. In a nutshell, my “shame-core” was a system of beliefs that caus …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Setting the record straight

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Toby." This letter is from "Toby" to his ex girlfriend named "Celest." Names have been changed. Dear "Celest." After our talk the other day I was thinking about what you were saying in reference to "Respect." Let's talk about that. I know that here in this format I won't be interrupted every time I try to make a point. You constantly say that I need to get over you and the past. You also act as if nothing in the past matters. Even four years ago is ancient history (according to you). This however, is another one of your flaws. I would chalk it up to your age but you seem really bent on this point …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Not my sociopath

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Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader "Adelade." January 30, 2013, was the “day after” my divorce trial. I was granted my maiden name as a term of the divorce. The rest of the terms aren't important. What is important is that once I discovered what he had done, he ceased being “mine” in every capacity. He was no longer “my husband,” and he was never “my spath.” He is his own disordered individual and belongs to himself, solely, and forever. Once a person is proven to be toxic to me, they are no longer “mine,” and I would like to convey this concept to every LoveFraud reader to consider. When they were “ours,“ they were strictly an illusion. What they t …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Still lying after all these years

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Editor's note: The following essay was written by the Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Ella Mae.” I wish I would have read the signs early on and went with my gut 6 years ago. My story is this. We have been in a relationship for six years. Two of those six years we were married. We decided we would get married because I got pregnant. I thought that he would change and we would live happily ever after-- but that wasn't the case. When we were dating there were many red flags but I chose to ignore them. Every time he was caught in a lie, he would have an explanation. Me being naive, I thought how can someone possibly make a lie for everything. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and bel …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Marriage, betrayal, and no guilt whatsoever

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Editor's note: The following was written by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Ruby." She wants to share her story because she is finding it hard to move on with her life. She lives in Europe and English is not her first language. When we got engage he come across really nice and kind person. Before i decided to get engage I have told him that I want this relationship based on honesty and truth and he said yeh I want the same. He come across as mummy little baby boy, which was not a problem for me, since I believe that person who love and respect his mother will do respect and care for me as well. He used to often say to me that after I get married to him, I will be the happiest woman on …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Solutions to our pain

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Editor's note: The following article is by the Lovefraud reader NewLife43. RE: The Love Fraud article Back in Control of the Panic Buttons by “Adelade,” posted January 13, 2013. This article rang so true for me. In fact, this one triggered the most physical reaction that I've had in a long time. Not just crying, I was literally feeling panic and upset in my gut, my chest, my shoulders. I was such a mess I felt myself losing my grip on reality! So much of what she wrote about the money situations and the birthday/holiday things in her life rang like the loud bongs of church bells inside my head. The noise was deafening! It brought back all those feelings of "being pushed and rushed in …

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