How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for Recovery from a sociopath

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The king, the charade, the wardrobe change

//  by //  33 Comments

Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “LadyinRed.” I call myself Lady in Red. Surreal, this journey has been, ongoing it is. I live in hiding. A facade, a delusion much of my life has been. I finally awoke. I became aware. This last year has shown me. A sense of entitlement I see in so many. They take from others, wanting more. A mask they wear. Welcome to my theatre, a comic tragedy. I was half past my fourth decade, separated for years, two daughters I raised. One day my eldest said, I did something for you, come see! She showed me an account on a date site in my name. Time to get out there she said, play the dating game. A computer I had never use …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The king, the charade, the wardrobe changeRead More

Fear-based thinking no longer runs my life

//  by //  179 Comments

Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Adelade.” According to my counseling therapist, I became involved with sociopaths as a result of their motivations and their abilities to note my strengths and vulnerabilities. My vulnerabilities were formed during my childhood and manifested as a crippling condition termed, “shame core.” This core was based upon my experiences in a dysfunctional family environment of alcoholism. For whatever reasons, I believed that I was responsible for the happiness and well-being of everyone, and I mean everyone. This false sense of responsibility prepared me for a lifetime of fear-based decisions and choices that included marryi …

Fear-based thinking no longer runs my lifeRead More

Dealing with unhappiness through mindfulness

//  by //  68 Comments

Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) While I am a Christian in belief, I also read about the beliefs of various other religions and philosophies because I think there are valuable lessons in the writings of each of them. Lately as I have been increasing my study of “mindful” meditation. Since this was first practiced by Buddhists, there were some interesting points about Buddhist beliefs brought up by the author in a book I read called Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat-Zinn. This book is about mindful meditation for stress reduction, and is not a religious wor …

Dealing with unhappiness through mindfulnessRead More

Easy and free ways to take care of ourselves

//  by //  9 Comments

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) When we are in the process of recovering from emotional pain and trauma, we aren't helpless. Even if we don't have any insurance to go to a counselor, or to pay for expensive antidepressant medications that we might actually need but can't afford, , there are many things that we already know how to do, and know that they are good for us. The best part is they are free! Exercise When we are “down” and depressed, we become lethargic and we don't want to move or do anything. We just want to crawl into a hole and pull the hole in after us. We lose interest in the parts of life that are fun, interesting and would make us actually feel better if we would do t …

Easy and free ways to take care of ourselvesRead More

Love is a leap of faith

//  by //  193 Comments

Lovefraud recently received the following email: Hi Donna, I'm a huge fan of LoveFraud and can't thank you enough for making it happen. I know from your story that you've found a wonderful man.  So have I, and we've been dating about a year. He's an upbeat, nurturing person with a great sense of humor and good boundaries! Still, I'm finding it difficult to let go and love him. I'm really surprised how long it's taking me to let go of my fear. (I've been out of my marriage 4 years and did a lot of healing before I met new guy.) Could you address this in one of your articles? I see a lot of info on how to recover, and how to spot a spath so you don't hook up with another one. But …

Love is a leap of faithRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: On a healing path with my inner child

//  by 

Editor's note: The following post was written by the Lovefraud reader “Adelade.” The first epiphany of my recovery from the exspath's damage was when my astute counselor identified my “shame-core.” In that same session, it was suggested that I read Healing The Shame That Binds You, by Bradshaw. Since I was grasping for any and every lifeline, I undertook this suggestion with a tenacity that, even in retrospect, still astounds me. I needed answers and my counselor rather shoved me in that direction, mercilessly. I use the term, “mercilessly,” because it seemed harsh at the time, but it was a truly caring and merciful shove. In a nutshell, my “shame-core” was a system of beliefs that caus …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: On a healing path with my inner childRead More

When others judge: how we may feel and what we can do to help ourselves

//  by //  68 Comments

Last week, I experienced a bit of disappointment over an outsider's judgment.  Several years ago, I came to terms with the fact that some people will understand what we have been through, and others simply will not.  I brought myself to the place where I didn't really care what anyone else felt or thought about my situation.  I forgave myself for choosing dysfunction and worked through the host of other issues associated with that choice.  Then, I moved forward. Part of my momentum had to do with the fact that I chose to take other's beliefs and thoughts out of the equation.  There is a fairly accurate saying about opinions, what they are like, and how everyone has one.  So I came to reali …

When others judge: how we may feel and what we can do to help ourselvesRead More

Soothing the inner child

//  by //  13 Comments

In the past few articles — and I hope this hasn't been confusing — I have tried to describe how we can help heal the damage to our self-esteem and recover our lost selves, while we are still with the sociopath or after we've left the sociopath. The most important thing is mindfulness; the awareness of what's going on in your body and mind in the presence of the sociopath. We get triggered and react emotionally to their manipulation, blame, abuse and dismissive behavior. In fact our brains and nervous systems get what is called “hijacked” by the emotional reaction, and our rational thinking is not available to us. The reaction makes us believe what we feel — e.g. we are wrong, we are lacking, …

Soothing the inner childRead More

EFT Tapping helps you deal with the trauma of sociopaths

//  by //  25 Comments

I first learned about the concept of energy psychology a year or two ago. Here's the basic premise of energy psychology, according to David Feinstein, author of The Promise of Energy Psychology: Stimulating energy points on the skin, paired with specified mental activities, can instantly shift your brain's electrochemistry to: help overcome unwanted emotions such as fear, guilt, shame, jealousy, or anger, help change unwanted habits and behavior, and enhance your abilities to love, succeed, and enjoy life. The basic technique of energy psychology, or Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), is tapping. By tapping the endpoints of certain meridians in the body, while focusing on an …

EFT Tapping helps you deal with the trauma of sociopathsRead More

How do I forgive myself for staying in this relationship?

//  by //  35 Comments

Lovefraud recently received the following email: I suspected that my ex boyfriend was a sociopath, but your website confirmed it. I always thought that sociopaths were murderers like Ted Bundy or Casey Anthony, but I realize now that the vast majority lead "normal" lives (whatever that means). I'm a divorced mom with a precious little daughter. My ex boyfriend was the first man I dated after a long and abusive marriage to an alcoholic. I was with my ex boyfriend a little over 2 years, although he exhibited signs of sociopathic (or what I considered narcissistic) behavior, including chronic infidelity, pathological lying, a grandiose sense of self, a total lack of empathy (particularly …

How do I forgive myself for staying in this relationship?Read More