Sitting here in my kitchen in France, I am pondering what may now lie ahead. The past fewmonths have been, it's fair to say, a pretty strange ride even by my book - a case of fact being far stranger than fiction. But here I am now, facing another ending. This time it's the ending of what has been a good and healthy relationship, but one that has now run it's course. It's time to move on. I don't know what the future may hold, but I'm hoping that one day I will once again feel sunshine in my heart. My time with Patrice has given me the opportunity to feel genuine love. To share. To honour boundaries. To be real. To trust feelings. To be open. To appreciate the humanness of two souls who came …
Why do they always come bouncing back like bad pennies
By Sarah Strudwick It's just coming up for three years now since I wrote Dark Souls, in the hope it would help other women who have been though the same as me. In January 2010 I kicked out my psychopathic ex after uncovering a string of lies which included working for a job that never existed, feigning cancer, multiple sexploits on the internet, and advertising his services as a sperm donor. The list goes on. Over the last three years I have worked tirelessly to get myself out of debt, educate others and, more important, heal from the abuse. Yet up until a couple of months ago, this person continued to stalk me. I've had to change my phone number three times as a result, and I lost a …
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What feels like pain is really progress
Lovefraud recently received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Cassandra." My reply follows the letter. I don't even know where to begin but I'll try and make it short. Won't be sweet though. I am a long time advocate of Lovefraud. I was a victim of a psychopath over 7 years ago. I was with him for 5 years, we had a house together, dogs, like a married couple. Finally a girl confronted me and told me he was living a double life, as well as having sex with both men and women. And I was not shocked. Just angry at myself for not facing the truth for so long. I ended the relationship. He tried to get me back. I got a restraining order. To this day he still tries to email and …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The sociopath didn’t take it all from us
Editor's note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." I've experienced so much personal loss as a result of my second marriage that I don't know if I'll ever recover. I lost my belongings, all of my inheritance, and I nearly lost my will to live. When I returned home and the hot water wasn't coming out of the spigot, I took my little flashlight down to the basement - dirt and gravel floor, unheated, and housing a dead furnace. I opened the door to the basement and was met with a wall of warm, moist air and the sound of running water. It was 27 degrees, outside, and 37 degrees inside the shell of the dwelling where I'm currently liv …
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Sowing the seed of knowledge
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) You know sometimes we tell others about the things that we have gone through, and hope that they see by our example what has happened to us because of our associations with psychopaths or with people who are high in dysfunctional traits common to psychopaths. Sometimes people “get it,” and sometimes they don't get it. A passage of the Bible refers to this: And he spake many things unto them in parables, saying Behold a sower went forth to sow; and when he sowed some seeds fell by the wayside, and the fowls came and devoured the …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Trail of Water, Tears and Betrayal
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who writes as "Esther." I am watching with horror as I see the devastation of Hurricane Sandy. The water and photos of devastation bring back memories for me of my experiences in South Florida—three hurricanes back to back destroyed my home. I was married to the sociopath at that time. He enjoyed the attention and the chaos. I was devastated and overwhelmed. The insurance adjusters, claims, trying to get tarps to protect the home from further rain and damage, the ceiling collapsing and the black mold that began to appear on the walls after the power was restored. Contractors could not be found, and the predators looking f …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This year, holidays without the sociopath
Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." Holiday seasons are looming on the horizon. For those of us who are in recovery, this time of year can be very depressing, or very liberating. For those who are still embedded in the World of Spath, the holiday season can be more desperate than any other time of the year. Before escaping sociopathic entanglements, the Holiday Season is a time of withhold/reward, predictable outcomes, and ruined expectations. "Perhaps, this year will be better. Perhaps, he/she will make the changes and save the relationship." Well, if the spath isn't engaging in withhold/reward, they're engaging in …
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Leaving the Sociopath: Gathering Strength and Losing Fear
By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW [Masculine pronouns are used for the sake of simplicity. Women, of course, can also be sociopaths.] You are feeling more desperate and miserable in this relationship with this person who you thought loved you. Over time you have experienced feeling less valuable, as you find your needs no longer seem important to him. Your feelings are not important. In fact, when you try to emotionally connect or bring up a hurt, a need, or a concern about something he did, it only seems to threaten him and make them act like a cornered animal. And, in the end, he acts victimized and you feel like the bad guy. There are many things about you or what you say or do that he cannot …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: One-year anniversary of the SNAP that was my sanity speaking
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who uses the name "DamselflyNOTdistressed." OCTOBER 24, 2012 - Today is the one-year anniversary of my breakup from a SPath and the "nervous breakdown" that followed. My body and life at that moment felt viscerally like the total collapse of everything I thought I knew about myself. It was undoubtedly one of the worst moments of my life. And I am grateful. It had only been five months, and what a grand rollercoaster ride! We were fellow bohemians, and we met as nude models in a grand tableau vivant performance by an emerging and prolifically talented artist. Though my third time participating in such an exquisite …
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I Don’t Want to Live That Life
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Recently I found a book in a “junk book store” that caught my eye. Its title was I Don't Want to Live This Life, and it was written by Deborah Spungen. The book is about her family trying to raise a “difficult child,” her first daughter, Nancy. Nancy was murdered by her boyfriend, a “rock star” named Sid Vicious, in the 1970s. Nancy's birth was problematic with the cord around her neck, and a rare blood disorder caused her to need a total blood exchange transfusion immediately after birth. From the day that she was brought home from the hospital, she screamed and fought her caregivers. By the time she was 14 she was out of control. By the time she was 1 …