Recovery from a sociopath

In the world of healing from an encounter of the P(sychopath) kind, it is easy to forget that there is a world without fear, without lies, without terror, without uncertainty, out there, just around the corner from the insanity of his abuse. It's easy to forget that people don't always manipulate, deceive, devalue and destroy you. And, it's easy to forget — you never deserved their lies and manipulation in the first place. It's one of the things that makes healing from these encounters so difficult. We forget who we are as we fall into believing we are who they say... Whatever it is they tell us we are -- from beautiful to ugly, impossible to live without, impossible to live with. The most …

After the sociopath is gone: You’re worth it!Read More

It is perhaps one of the most difficult things to do after having loved, The Lie. To love again without fear of the past repeating itself. To love without fear of making a mistake. Without fear of being hurt. And yet, we yearn for love. For connection. For that special someone to spend away the hours, sharing in good times and bad. To whisper sweet nothings in the night, to hold and to be held, to laugh with, cry with and even have sex with. But no, our tender hearts cry out, I can't do it. I won't. I'll never love again. Too risky. Too intimate. Too much. Or, before our broken hearts even have a chance to stop bleeding, we race out and find another, searching for that special someone to …

After the sociopath is gone: Loving another. That was then. This is now.Read More

The past. We've all got one. All stumbled over its inevitable lumps and bumps, highways and by-ways leading to nowhere. It's something we can't get out of living without. It's the thing that makes our lives what they are today. It's also the thing that can keep us from living our lives today for all we're worth. We can't get rid of the past. Nor should we want to. What we can do is lighten its load and shorten its shadow on our life today by following these three simple ABC's to living freely in what Joseph Campbell calls, ”˜the rapture of now'. A. Acknowledge the reality of what is. Acknowledge your patterns of behaviour that created your reality today. B. Be accountable for your ro …

After the sociopath is gone: The ABCs of healing the pastRead More

Lovefraud author Steve Becker, LCSW, was interviewed again on Internet radio. The program on Martha Trowbridge Radio is called Love's mirage: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life? In the interview, Steve gives a brief definition of narcissists, describing them as people who feel entitled to whatever they want. He discusses common myths about narcissists. Then he gets into the meat of the topic—are there any signs that indicate a relationship with a narcissist can be salvaged? You can listen to the interview by clicking the link below. To start the audio, click the arrow in the green bar under the headline: Steve Becker, LCSW: Love's Mirage: Is Your Narcissistic Husband Wasting …

Steve Becker addresses the question: Is your narcissistic husband wasting your life?Read More

It has been just over six years since the man who promised to love me ”˜til death do us part (and took the ”˜til death part way too seriously) was arrested. In the intervening years, I have grown and healed and cried and slipped and stood and leaped and wrestled with truth versus fiction. I have sought to make sense of his nonsense and dropped my need to understand him as I've struggled to find my one true self beneath the debris of his torturous ride through my life. And I have survived. I have stood up tall while the sky was falling down around me. I have turned sour grapes into the heady bouquet of sunlit days of wine and roses. I have uncovered lies. Torn away the darkness and peeled b …

After the sociopath is gone: Living in the wonder of now.Read More

Yesterday, Lovefraud had an intruder. I saw this guy's first couple of posts, which struck me as odd, but not necessarily offensive. I decided to keep an eye on him. Before long, however, several longtime Lovefraud contributors began attacking this individual. I thought the attacks were unwarranted. We have had occasions in the past when people started accusing newcomers of being sociopaths. I think this is a very dangerous thing to do based on a few posts that may sound different from what we generally see here. Meaning is missing Experts have found that 65 percent to 90 percent of the meaning in human communication comes from nonverbal cues—tone of voice, gestures, posture. That means …

Please do not engage abusersRead More

Almost three years ago, Lovefraud published the story of a man from the UK whom I called Tom. Tom's wife left him for another man, took their children, had him arrested on false charges nine times and wiped him out financially. Here is the original story: UK man says sociopath stole his life Now, three years later, Tom still hasn't seen his children. His ex-wife and her new husband, who also sounds like a sociopath, have removed the children from the UK. They live in France, at a small town near the Swiss border. “My heart bleeds every minute for the loss,” he writes. “It is a living bereavement and a nightmare from which I may never awake.” I asked Tom if he was taking care of himself. H …

When the pain caused by a sociopath doesn’t stopRead More