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Archive for January, 2010

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: It starts at home

Editor’s Note: The Lovefraud reader One_Step_at_a_Time sent the following post.

Finally, after a long break, I have returned to reading The Betrayal Bond. I feel immediately open when I read the concepts presented in it, and I feel protected, like someone actually has my best interest at heart.

The spath did not. And yet she did things looked like she cared for me, or perhaps she was just protecting her supply. I don’t know yet, but as I remember and unravel my experience with her, I will start to write those things down, and ask here, “please decode this for me, ”˜cause I just don’t know, it is too close and I cannot see the whole of its shape.”

Michael Vick, dog-killing quarterback, to receive Courage Award

Some people are just clueless, and that includes the entire Philadelphia Eagles football team.

It was bad enough that Eagles management signed Michael Vick to the team after he got out of prison for running a dog fighting ring. As I posted on August 24, 2009, in Can Michael Vick change his behavior?, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), sent a letter to the NFL stating that Vick fit the profile of antisocial personality disorder, aka a sociopath.

I mean, the guy rewarded the animals that lost by personally electrocuting, hanging or drowning them—shoving their heads into five-gallon buckets of water.

Claiming Peace: After the sociopath is gone

At 9:12 am on May 21, 2003, the only peace I knew was the unsettling desire to die, the constant throbbing of the voice screaming at me to let go, give in, give up, give over my life to the darkness that consumed me. I wanted to end it all. To have the turmoil and pain and fear of living with an abuser die with me.

At 9:13 am on May 21, 2003, everything changed. Everything shifted and my world as I knew it ended. A police car drove up and I stood watching as two officers stepped from the car.

Posted in: M.L. Gallagher

Thank you Donna!

Thank you Donna for your support of The Dandelion Spirit — and of me and my journey and everyone else here who comes to find hope and encouragement and ends up finding themselves free of an abuser because of the light you cast upon the path leading them away from abuse.

I am often surprised when memories of ‘he who shall not be named’ percolate to the top and provide me insight and understanding of where I am today. For me today, ‘those times’ are just a reminder of a time when I was very very sick. Very very overwhelmed by fear and self-loathing. They remind me to love myself, as I was then, and as I am now. To love myself for all I’m worth — as a woman who was abused. As a woman who is free to choose to live her life with peace, hope and joy in her heart today.

Posted in: M.L. Gallagher

M.L. Gallagher’s book now available in the Lovefraud Store

There’s a certain poetry to the articles M. L. Gallagher—Louise—posts here on the Lovefraud Blog. Take, for example, her article from September 23, 2009, called After the sociopath is gone: Our thoughts become our reality. It starts:

So, it’s over. He’s gone and done the dirty D&D (devalue and discard, also affectionately known as ”˜diss and dump’) one last time. You’ve sworn, ”˜that’s it!’ a thousand times, cried your eyes out through the night, poured your heart out into the soggy pillow and vowed to get over him. You’ve ripped up all his pictures, thrown out the tokens (what few there are) of his love, including the dollar store ”˜crystal’ wine goblets and the fake diamond ring. You’ve told your friends, (what few you have left), that you will never, ever talk to the lying, cheating, manipulative rat bazturd ever again. Never. Ever. Period. Finito. Not until hell freezes over, or the Dow Jones climbs above twenty gazillion points.

Posted in: Cases, Donna Andersen

Game theory and the sociopath

Shock. Total disbelief. Utter incomprehension. That’s what we feel upon finally realizing that when the sociopath cheated on us, blew through our money, twisted our emotions and messed with our minds, to him or her it was all just a sick, depraved game.

Sociopaths do not form emotional connections with other human beings. They do not experience love. They do not feel honor, altruism or concern for others. The words they speak and the actions they take have only one objective: getting what they want. To them, life is a game, and they want to win.

Forgiveness, sociopathy and choice

Although it has been many years and there is a new relationship, a friend of mine still wishes every day that the sociopath that preyed on her will “drop dead.” Wishing and hoping that some horrible end will come for the sociopath takes up time and energy in my friend’s life; as she searches for evidence that something bad has indeed happened to the sociopath and then is disappointed.

Recently, I discussed the topic of forgiving psychopaths with a psychopathy researcher who is not a clinician. He said he received a letter from someone complaining that friends were pressuring the victim to forgive. It was the psychopathy researcher’s opinion that people should NOT be told they have to forgive a psychopath.

Trading Places

Trading PlacesTrading Places A True Story of How One Woman Took Control of Her Life by Starting Her Own Business

By Natalie Hutchison and Mary Turner Thomson

Buy on Amazon.com

Read the Lovefraud review of Trading Places

Posted in: Uncategorized

The Story of David Pecard

Recently, I watched an old 48-Hours segment on the conman David Michael Pecard, which proved to be a most fascinating, educational case study of a textbook sociopath.

Pecard is the kind of sociopath (or psychopath) psychiatrist Hervey Cleckley, MD, so brilliantly grappled with in his classic, “The Mask of Sanity—”that is, he was glib, persuasive (could sell you the Brooklyn Bridge today and tender a convincing deed of sale); charmingly disarming, imperturbable, thrill-seeking, audacious, deceptive, emotionally superficial and indifferent to the suffering he caused others.

Peter Van Zandt investigates, and offers compelling interview footage with Pecard, who was free as the segment aired, and involved in litigation against Joe Arpaio, then Maricopa County’s (AZ) infamous sheriff.

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The private investigator’s double life

Lovefraud received the following story from a woman who wanted to be referred to as “PI’s ex-wife.”

I am a well-educated, professional, hard-working person. I moved to Utah, a divorcee with four children twenty years ago. All four of my children are college graduates, two of them are masters level, and are productive members of society. At a church function, I met an investigator with the police department and we became friends. He had all the props: his parents were active members of our church, salt of the earth, well-educated and community contributors. A few weeks after we met, HE told me that the police department was giving him a choice to resign or be fired because HE had been “framed”—everyone in the PD was jealous of HIM. Of course, the story was not that direct but was designed in a solemn, gentle, believable-over-dinner kind of way. There were small, sensitive acts of kindness and thoughtfulness, detail-oriented plans to make me feel genuinely loved and appreciated.

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