In 2007, The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne, was the best-selling book in America. The book was featured on two episodes of Oprah, which significantly boosted sales. At one point the book was selling 150,000 copies per week. Total sales: 19 million books. The Secret has many proponents—and many detractors. It's described as a self-help book on the power of positive thinking. Some critics say that the book offers nothing but false hope to people who try to solve their problems by wishing them away, when they need more conventional solutions. The premise of The Secret is the Law of Attraction. Here is how it is defined in the book: Everything that's coming into your life you are attracting into y …
Psychopaths as “snake oil salesmen”
By Ox Drover The other night my son and I went to a rodeo with a a couple who are our friends to watch another friend ride in the rodeo roping contest. My friend is currently somewhat “down in her back” and will be going to a neurosurgeon for treatment this coming week. When we got up to go to the concession stand she asked me to go over and talk to this man who was selling some “pain relief patches.” She wondered if they would help. We walked toward the man's stand, where he had a sophisticated electronic display up and pamphlets to hand out. He immediately started his spiel and he started with the bouncing four-month old border collie pup I was holding on the end of a leash. “Do y …
Reconsidering the Essence of Sociopathy
When I think sociopath, I think this: as a pattern, he is willing, with awareness (hence, with intellect intact) to hurt people, or leave them feeling violated, in order to pursue his gratifications and interests which, for him, are always more important than the pain his pursuit of them inflicts on others. Malice (as I've written about elsewhere) may or may not be a motive or factor. It's true that for some sociopaths the gratifications they seek are predatory-based; for these sociopaths, the process of exploiting others becomes central in their violating behavior. But this isn't true for all sociopaths, many of whom are not driven, primarily, by a malicious or sadistic …
Living the Lie: the Truth Revisited
By The Front Porch Talker “Who in the rainbow can draw the line where the violet tint ends and the orange tint begins? Distinctly we see the difference of the colors, but where exactly does the one first blendingly enter into the other? So with sanity and insanity”¦the soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.” From Billy Budd (Herman Melville). We all live the lie sometimes: everybody lies. Lying is part of the American social contract; a matter of civility and manners, in some circles. Culturally, we even eschew the truth sometimes, equating it with rudeness. Who wants to hear that they are looking old or that their appearance is less-than-stellar? While our American cultur …
The sociopath’s isolation campaign: Keeping you from the people you love
A sociopath looks deep into your eyes. “I never loved anyone like I love you,” he says. “We are so special together. People will never understand why we're so attracted to each other. They say we shouldn't be together, but they're just jealous about the intensity of our love. Love can overcome anything, you know. It's you and me against the world, kid!” With words like these, sociopaths launch one of their most important strategies: Isolating you from friends and family. It doesn't seem that way at first. In the beginning, sociopaths want to be with you all the time. They proclaim that they are so wrapped up in you that they can't bear to be apart, and it feels flattering to be so de …
The sociopath’s isolation campaign: Keeping you from the people you loveRead More
First impressions are important–especially from the psychopath’s point of view
By Ox Drover Someone recently forwarded to me one of those funny e-mails that we almost all get on a daily basis. This particular one was from a site called “failblog.org” and showed a photograph of a pretentious front entrance to a house from the front, and then showed the same house from the side, revealing what lay behind that pretentious entrance façade. I laughed of course, but then I had an “ah ha” moment, when I realized that that is just exactly how the psychopaths present themselves to victims. The façade they present with “love bombing” to impress the victim with what a wonderful person they are—how could they not be “wonderful,” because they recognize just how special you a …
First impressions are important–especially from the psychopath’s point of viewRead More
Finding our ADAMANT– unearthing our most valuable gem
By ErinBrock One thing we see over and over from the fallout of a sociopathic relationship is destroyed self-esteem and a lack of confidence. Lacking self-esteem and confidence leads to overlooking behaviors and having a hard time making firm decisions for ourselves. Destroyed self-esteem makes it difficult some days to even get out of bed, let alone get out of the house and participate in life. It's hard to plan for meals, school lunches, kid activities, legal angles, financial support and moving forward. We want to hide under the covers and make it all go away. Okay yes, and justifiably so. BUT ”¦ if we want to get “somewhere,” we must first find our adamant. Adamant descri …
Finding our ADAMANT– unearthing our most valuable gemRead More
Intuition, purpose and sociopaths
In my previous two articles on this blog, I wrote that our awful entanglements with sociopaths often have a larger purpose—our personal spiritual growth. This is an extremely difficult concept, especially when we believe in a benevolent God, universe, or higher power—whatever term you want to use—who only wants the best for us. Why, if God loves us, would he/she want us to experience the deceit, betrayal and destruction of a sociopath? In my case, the terrible experience allowed me to unearth internal pain and disappointment that was blocking me from feeling love and peace. My sociopathic ex sensed the negative feelings within me, and promised to be the answer to my prayers and the fulfi …
When history is a predictor of future behavior
When is history predictive of future behavior? Who can change? Who will change? Can sociopaths change? What is meaningful versus unmeaningful change? I would argue that history is most predictive of future behavior when the mindset of the individual—especially the motivational mindset of the individual—remains static. By this I mean that short of a radicalized mindset, one can assume that the individual's historical behaviors and attitudes will not change, at least not meaningfully. So motivation goes directly to the question who is likely, or unlikely, to make changes in historical behavior patterns. One must ask, what is the individual's motivation to change previous beha …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Will I be able to prove it?
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from the reader who posts as “Hehadme39.” Okay, I became involved with my psychopath in Dec. 2008. I ended our relationship in July 2010. During the course of this relationship he took advantage of me in several ways. The first time he took advantage of me I came to find out he was committing a mass amount of fraud. Not only with me and my financial information but with several others' financial information. I kicked him out took the evidence I had to the police. The Secret Service and the FBI got involved as well as the Department of Education. There was a mountain of evidence I delivered to them but in the end, I was told by a TX …