Archive for August, 2012

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: We met at church – I thought he was a decent man

Editor’s note: The Lovefraud reader who posts as “Radar_On” sent the following letter.

How does one begin to tell the tale of the masquerade and the swath of destruction at the hands of liars, narcissists, sociopaths, and so on? The psychological, emotional, mental damage that has been inflicted upon us is too much for the “normal” person to comprehend. Unless someone has been through, and survived living through situations like this ”¦ average people just can’t understand, or relate!

I am a 52yr. old woman that has been through much in my life. This current situation is my 3rd. marriage. My first ex husband (my children’s father), we were married for 14 yrs. The last 18mo. we were … Read more

What did the sociopath give me and why is it so hard to let it go?

Editor’s Note: The following was posted as a comment by the Lovefraud reader, NewLife43. I thought everyone should see it.

I had a small epiphany today while driving back from the grocery store. What, exactly, did the spath give me that I find so difficult to let go? I have been married twice before and when those marriages were over, I was sad and wished that they hadn’t ended the way that they had. But neither one of them was like this 8 year relationship! I was still the same person, what was so different this time? Why couldn’t I release it and move on with my life?

Neither one of my ex-husbands were like the spath. In … Read more

Beware of the “Psychopath Drama Fueler”

Psychopaths are good at draining our finances and leaving us emotionally wrecked. Since I am still going through my custody battle (and likely will for a long time), I constantly think about ways I can make this experience less painful. Dealing with the aftermath of having a child with someone who has a personality disorder is traumatic.

If I have learned one lesson this past year its how important it is to find peace in this sea of chaos. Even after instituting as much “no contact” as is possible my child’s psychopathic parent, I have come to realize that there are people who like to fuel the drama of a psychopath for either entertainment or financial reasons. These … Read more

My Brown Eyed Girl – Life DOES continue after the sociopath

Greetings to all my friends here on Lovefraud. I have been silent for a couple of weeks because I’ve been dealing with a few personal things I would now like to share with you. I already posted the story on my own blog and, after chatting with Donna (who is always so kind and supportive) I’ve realised that while my story is not about the usual sociopath or survivor message, it may possibly be of value. So here it is – with a few added words just for everyone here. I hope you like it…

It felt so deliciously peaceful just floating there in the nothingness. The noisy mind-chatter all but disappeared, I was happily allowing myself to … Read more

A chilling short film portraying sociopathic domestic violence

I did not experience violence at the hands of my sociopathic husband, and for that I am eternally grateful. But 36 percent of the people who completed the Lovefraud Romantic Partner Survey said they were physically abused, and 34 percent said their lives were threatened.

A short film by Sharon Wright, called Tell Me That You Love Me, provides a chillingly accurate depiction of violence in an intimate relationship. It’s chilling and accurate because she experienced it.

Sharon explains why she made the film in a separate YouTube video. I cannot add anything to her words, except to thank her for making the film. It captures, in a little over five minutes, the horror of domestic violence, … Read more

Sociopaths victimize using human institutions like the courts

This summer I read a fabulous book, Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life by Evan Stark. It is a well written academic discussion of the topic of coercive control that also provides a history of domestic violence awareness in America. Although I highly recommend the book to anyone who advocates for victims, I do not agree with the premise that coercive control is about female victimization. I have known too may male victims to believe that this is a male —female issue.

The challenge then is to come up with a theory about intimate partner victimization that accounts for, rather than rejects the very cogent arguments put forward by clinician-researchers like Dr. Stark. Although … Read more

Lovefraud Lesson #9: Why do sociopaths marry?

In response to my last video about sociopaths and love bombing, a Lovefraud reader asked a question: Why do sociopaths marry? In this video, I answer the question. For more videos, visit the Lovefraud Video Page.

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Posted in: Donna Andersen

The cracks of a family’s hidden dysfunction

By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired)

I often go to auctions and flea markets looking for “hidden treasures” to add to my collection of pottery and handmade baskets of split oak. One of the things I have learned to do is to look for subtle or hidden flaws in the things that I like to collect.

It isn’t uncommon to find pottery items that have been chipped or broken and then carefully mended. Sometimes the cracks are very subtle and difficult to detect. It isn’t unusual for me to see an item and get all “excited” about it, then upon closer inspection, find that there are some hidden cracks.

I got to thinking about the “hidden cracks” that are … Read more

Contracts, Property, Civil Procedure, and Lawyering Skills

Today, I am piggy-backing on Cappuccinoqueen’s post from yesterday regarding Family Court.  I was accepted to law school for the Fall 2012 school year. The title contains a sampling of a “first year’s” classes.  As you can imagine, there’s a lot to accomplish prior to taking Family Law.  Although a remarkable opportunity, I plan to table this option for now.  However, I have not completely eliminated the possibility for the future.   Justice is something worth fighting for.  Whether I do it as an attorney or not, I will continue to do it.

What on earth possessed me to apply to law school? 

I cannot credit (or blame) one single person or event.  Rather, my desire to make Family … Read more

Family Court: A Psychopath’s Playground for Legally Sanctioned Abuse

As a young child, my parents always called me the “party police”.  I was the good girl who never liked to see people breaking the rules.  I never smoked, never drank underage, never did drugs, and never stole anything.  I grew up believing in justice and always believed that the courts and the police would protect me if and when I needed them.  That belief ended when I entered a custody war with Luc (my psychopath ex).

Going through a custody war with a sociopath will change the way you view the justice system.  In fact, most of my time in court with Luc felt more like an “injustice” system than anything that resembled justice.  The painful lessons … Read more

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