How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Boundaries, zero tolerance, closure, moving on

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Editor's note: This article about the importance of boundaries and belief in herself was submitted by a Lovefraud reader. It has been about a year since my story was posted on Lovefraud, Not one thing about him was real. It has been two years since I broke off the short relationship with this disordered man. It is a year and a half since he stalked me. I hope to share at least some practical points that have helped me in the healing process. It does get better. And it is a process. I wish I could say that others may be helped PRIOR to involvement with a sociopath, but as we all know, sometimes the inevitable entanglement occurs before we even realize we have been manipulated. This …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Hyper vigilance and PTSD

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Editor's Note: Lovefraud received this story from the member who writes as "Duped." She describes her hyper vigilance — and how it worked against her. In hindsight, I remember questioning the little green things on the dinosaur nuggets he prepared for dinner. I was surprised he'd made the effort, in response to much nagging about not pitching in. It was late and I'd just returned from teaching an evening class. An overload to pay the bills since he quit his job. We had been arguing a lot, or rather me complaining; him not working, cleaning, taking care of the kids or pets and not making so much of an effort as to prepare a meal or help me. I had been working my full-time job teaching, o …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Child of an undiagnosed sociopath

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Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader, we'll call him Allen, tells his story of being the child of an undiagnosed sociopath. I know the story starts way before my time with my dad, so I can only tell you what I saw growing up and what I now see in hindsight. I think the biggest thing that I see in him is that he takes no personal responsibility for anything. Somewhere in his late 20's he “found God” — whatever that really means to him — and it was right around the time that my mom finally left him because of physical abuse that he denies to this day. He says that he never laid a hand on her and then when I remind him that I was there that day and saw everything he still denies it. He claims …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: It did not feel right, but I dismissed my discomfort

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  Editor's note: The following story was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Greenfern." It is a classic story of sociopathic seduction. When I first met the S, I was very young, 22, and in a pretty bad spot. I come from a broken, abusive family and I have been pretty much on my own since 16. I was managing by putting myself through college, working full time, step by step. A year before I met the S, I was hit by a car and the recovery from that sent me into a depression and hardship. I had no family support or insurance, so I pulled myself up by the bootstraps and tried not falling behind. I felt alone and struggling, but managed. I feel like I was a strong young …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Pulled in by the child in the sociopath

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By PressEject It seems so odd. I wasn't exactly in love with this person! But I was entirely caught up in his breath, his every sentence, his needs and desires. He charmed me into thinking it was so much more that we shared. I sensed early on he was not exactly mature in conducting a one-on-one relationship. But I assumed I could help guide him and show him how to trust and become closer. He came across as unique, at times humble and often very sweet to be with. I heard his "story" and understood how difficult it had been for him trying to feel close to others and I was honored he felt he could be close to me. The story, a true "pity ploy," pulled me in. But I didn't think twice. …

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How psychopathic parents create complex trauma in their children

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By Dr. Kathy Ahern An earthquake strikes in the middle of the night. A four-year-old child is trapped in a demolished house. She is left without food or water, help or support for three terrifying days. In a different city another child the same age is neglected by her self-absorbed parents. They ignore her cries of hunger and fear for three days. Years later, the earthquake victim suffers no ill effects from her experience. The child who was physically and emotionally abandoned grows into an adult suffering from complex PTSD. The physical and emotional traumas were identical. So why the difference? Betrayal. The neglected child was dependent on her parents. She needed them. She …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Listen to the gift of fear

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Editor's note: The following story was submitted by a Lovefraud reader who learned the hard way that she should pay attention to the Gift of Fear.  There was something odd about his intense gaze. Even though I felt funny about the way he stared at me the first time we met, I ignored my discomfort. I met my former boyfriend after I had been attending services at a Unitarian Universalist Church for several weeks. We engaged in small talk for a few minutes then swapped numbers. Even though I felt somewhat uncomfortable, I ignored my gut feeling and gave him my number anyway. I was very needy and desperate for friendship. We went out to lunch after the services. Even …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: My ex-wife, the sociopath

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Editor's note: The following letter was sent by a Lovefraud reader about his ex-wife, a sociopath. I believe my soon to be ex-wife is a sociopath (Sp). I was the recent victim of an evil plot to move my family to Washington from Texas, but two and a half months before the big move, with my house sold, I caught her, the Sp, in Washington with another guy looking for property, through a series of intercepted emails. This was one of two trips the Sp had taken, lying about the trip, saying she was going on a job interview. After I confronted her about the infidelity, I filed for divorce and took it upon myself to avoid any further confrontation with the Sp. I vacated the house and set up a …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: My journal entry about susceptibility to the sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader sent the following entry from her journal. "About 2 1/2 months since the sociopath revealed himself for what he was, I'm now assessing how I made myself so vulnerable in the first place," she wrote. "Shockingly I realize I likely still am... still am as vulnerable... until I do my next needed self-work: truly healing my relationship with myself. Deeply." The following piece represents a step in her healing. I was thinking about whether I'd ever be able to reclaim my memories, once sweet, once preciously loving, of the past two years — ever since the sociopath revealed himself for the liar and deceiver that he is via his cruel d …

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Smear campaign set me up as the abusive parent

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who describes how her husband's smear campaign set her up at the abusive parent. He accused me of cheating on him which he kept these accusations going for the last two years of our marriage never believing me. He went to my family and friends crying and carrying on that I was cheating also that I was taking household money to buy drugs off the streets (didn’t happen I didn’t do this). He stalked me at my work — used a GPS tracking device and recording device on my van. He had altercations with management and the members of the country club I worked at. He never let me sleep, always creating a fight at night so I was sleep …

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