Well, 2013 has arrived so I'd like to wish a very Happy New Year to everyone here on Lovefraud. I'd also like to make an official announcement (thank you Donna) to say that my book has finally been published! Hoorah! It's been one heck of a journey getting to this stage, but it certainly feels worth it — the excitement tinged with a touch of fear (will people like it? Will it help others?) has meant that I've been gently fizzing for the past ten days. Why did I decide to pour my heart and soul out in a book that can be read by anyone who chooses? To be fair it's a question I'm asking myself more now than ever. Because the old worry monsters are once again rumbling inside me, but I won't l …
How to speed date a sociopath
By Sarah Strudwick Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of Dark Souls—Healing and recovering from toxic relationships. For the three years since I broke up with the psychopathic ex I have remained single. I've met a few wannabe boyfriends, but unfortunately they have turned out to be disordered, so I never took it past the going for a coffee stage. Like many other victims, I've focused on my own recovery and have even written a couple of books on it to help other women. During the time I was dating this man, whom I call "Oliver" in the book, I was also friends with another man. We had met long before on a dating site but never consummated the relationship (i.e. had sex), and h …
Time as a factor in healing
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Many times our friends, in an effort to be helpful, but not actually understanding what we have been through in a “break up” with a psychopath, may tell us, “It's time you move on with your life, and start dating again,” or words to that effect. Any time you lose something important in your life, you suffer what is known as “grief.” It doesn't matter if that something is a break up of a relationship, a job, a death of someone you love, or you lose the Miss America Pageant when you expected to win. Anything that was important and is lost causes grief. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD, an internationally known psychiatrist, studied grief in the terminally …
Who intentionally runs over turtles?
This is a story close to my heart. I live at the Jersey Shore. Every June and July, female turtles creep from the bay and go in search of high ground to lay their eggs. Hundreds, perhaps thousands, of them never make it. Their journey takes them across paved roadways, where many are squished. I've seen them. Research by two young men show that a certain percentage of the turtle killings are intentional. Nathan Weaver, a student at Clemson University placed a plastic turtle in the road near his campus. In the course of one hour, seven out of 267 vehicles, 2.62 percent, swerved in order to hit the turtle. Read: Clemson student's turtle project takes a dark twist, on …
Tim Blair, aka rapper Tim Dog, exposed by women who “invested” in his business schemes
Esther Pilgrim met Tim Blair on an online dating site. He was charming, attentive—then offered her a business proposition. Well, we all know how that goes. But turned out that Blair had run the same charade on multiple women from across the U.S. to the Netherlands to Australia. They worked together and turned the tables on him—with one women even going under cover. Watch the Dateline Show: Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy …
Tim Blair, aka rapper Tim Dog, exposed by women who “invested” in his business schemesRead More
The big problem with murderous sociopaths: They don’t look crazy
Ever since the terrible slaughter of children and teachers in Newtown, Connecticut on December 14, 2012, public officials and ordinary citizens have been looking for answers. What can be done to prevent future schoolhouse tragedies? People are calling for stricter gun control laws, or armed guards in schools. People are lambasting the entertainment industry for producing violent movies and video games, which can desensitize vulnerable teenagers to the real pain of killing. People are advocating more institutionalization of individuals who obviously suffer from mental problems. Commentator Charles Krauthammer—who is, by the way, a psychiatrist—provided a good analysis of each of these is …
The big problem with murderous sociopaths: They don’t look crazyRead More
Woman left five dead husbands
A white-haired grandmother, Betty Neumar, had been charged in the death of Harold Gentry. But weeks before the trial last year, Neumar herself died of cancer. Man's desperate bid to prove brother's killer was 'Black Widow' who left trail of five dead husbands in five states, on DailyMail.co.uk. Link provided by a Lovefraud reader. …
Reliability – either it is or it ain’t
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) What is the one characteristic that we must have, and must demand in those with whom we are associated? My thought is that it is reliability. Most virtues exist on a “sliding scale.” These vary from “all the way” excellence to total ineptitude. Most folks are some where in the middle and that is pretty acceptable. The one virtue, however, that is all or nothing is reliability. You are either reliable or you are not. It is sort of like dead or pregnant either you is or you ain't. There is no middle ground. If I employed someone, I would be willing to put up with just about any deficiencies, but not with unreliability. The unreliable person is bound to …
Schizophrenia and mass killing
Paul Steinberg, a psychiatrist in private practice, explains schizophrenia and how it may have caused Adam Lanza to open fire in the Newtown, Connecticut school. An interesting point in the article is his discussion of the Goldwater Rule, an ethical standard of the American Psychiatric Association that prohibits members from discussing people they haven't examined. Consequently, it prohibits the people who may understand what happened from explaining it. Our failed approach to schizophrenia, on NYTimes.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader. …
Triggered
I used to wonder exactly what it was that people were talking about when they said that an event or comment triggered them. I had a text book understanding, of course, but could not think of an event that personally triggered me, bringing back overwhelming feelings stemming from past abuses. Recently, however, it happened and I experienced something I never had before. Honestly, I am surprised it took as long as it did. It was not a proud moment, as retrospectively, I can now think of about five different ways that I could have better handled the situation. At the same time, I wouldn't really have changed it because of what it taught me. My reaction was honest, showed me that my prio …