How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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From Reality Show Central: Desperate Meth-lab Operators of Some Special County

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Editor's note: Here is the first of the satirical pieces by the Front Porch Talker. For background, see "My life with a sociopath," posted yesterday. The name of the county has been changed. By The Front Porch Talker  (A.K.A. Professor Smarty-pants) Well, I guess you have to use that word: desperate.  After all, this is a Reality Show, right?  And, I am a ”˜desperate Meth-lab operator' who is from Some Special County, Washington. We are filming on-location from inside of my Meth-lab trailer, which is actually a double-wide—there's a difference.  In my double-wide is where I actually operate my Meth-lab business. And, for all intents and purposes, I am an operator. It is all authentic an …

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My life with a sociopath

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Editor's note: A Lovefraud reader who calls herself "The Front Porch Talker" is sorting through her devastating experience with a sociopath through her creative writing. Following is her introduction. Tomorrow, Lovefraud will publish one of the satirical pieces she has written based on her experiences. Part One: My Life with a Sociopath By The Front Porch Talker The Sociopaths in my life:  “MP,” "DI" (both women), and "JP," (a man) PART ONE:  (I can only imagine telling this story in small parts. I hope that works for you). I have tried to see this whole picture of what happened to me from a psychological standpoint. Then, I tried to see it on a philosophical level.  But in th …

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What is on that computer? Ask Scout

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If you're looking for evidence about what your spouse is really doing on his or her computer—evidence that you can use in court—look into the Scout. The Scout is a device and service offered by Catch-A-Cheater.net. It was invented by Rob Moody, a forensic data specialist with 15 years of experience finding information on hard drives for corporate, government and law firm clients. What kind of information can a computer forensic examination find? Here are some examples from Moody's case files: • Trip with the mistress: A guy used a travel agent to book and pay for a trip for himself and another person, who was not his wife. The trip was confirmed via text. He thought the text was dele …

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Love Fraud is a new classic on sociopathy

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By Steve Becker, LCSW Steve Becker, LCSW, profile on the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide. In Love Fraud: How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan, Donna Andersen has written the most compelling nonfiction account of a relationship with a sociopath I've ever come across. In her Introduction, Andersen is careful to assert as “opinion,” rather than fact, that her ex-husband, James Montgomery—her central, but by no means only—subject in the book, is a sociopath. From my careful reading of Love Fraud, I'd suggest no such qualification is needed: Montgomery seems to me to embody the classic sociopath perfectly. This book is many things: it is, first of all, a flat-out “pag …

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Domestic violence and digital abuse

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In a local tragedy a week ago, a woman, Tracy Coleman, her brother and her 13-year-old son were shot to death by the woman's boyfriend, Sharif Whitlock. The murders took place 45 minutes after the woman had filed a domestic violence complaint against her boyfriend. The perpetrator fled the scene and later hanged himself. The case was the lead incident in a story published yesterday by my local newspaper, the Press of Atlantic City. It was entitled, Hamilton Twp. shooting deaths show familiar domestic violence outcome. The well-done story focused on the larger issue of domestic violence. In Atlantic County, New Jersey over the last two years, 13 people have been killed in domestic violence …

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What can we learn from Joran van der Sloot a sociopath?

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Geraldo Rivera provided his analysis of the ”¦ Natalee Holloway disappearance case. Prime suspect Joran Van Der Sloot has given a series of interviews proclaiming his total innocence. "The lie that he has fastened on," Rivera pronounced, "is that he took her on the beach but didn't have sex because he didn't have a condom, then left her on the there. It's at odds with the story he told earlier, but as he tells this story he becomes more confident and more glib. I believe there is a pathological aspect to this man." The Factor concurred that Van Der Sloot seems psychologically unbalanced. "I can't figure out why he wants do these interviews because he comes off as a sociopath. If he makes one …

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Love Fraud: A courageous work helps readers comprehend the reality of sociopaths in our midst

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By Fannie LeFlore, MS, LPC, CADC-D Fannie LeFlore profile in the Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide Habitual liars and cheaters, con artists and swindlers are extremely self-centered and controlling people. They focus on manipulating other people simply as a way of life, for their own benefit. People like Donna Andersen clearly know what this kind of evil looks like. They know because they once trusted people who turned out to be sociopaths—people who deceived them intentionally, who took from them both tangible and intangible things of value, through encounters in romantic, familial or business relationships, whether over a period of hours, days, weeks, months or years. Now, with t …

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Is He A Narcissist? Is He Salvageable?

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This is a big topic, and I fully intend to flesh it out in future posts. But allow me, here, to consider this question from the perspective of the work I do with couples. It is often surprisingly easy, from a couples therapy perspective, to weed out the narcissists from the non-narcissists; and more importantly, the salvageable from the unsalvageable narcissists. Narcissists, as we know, will struggle to see things from their partners' perspective. But let's be clear: it is the reasons they struggle with this, not that they struggle with it, that signals their narcissism. At the risk of oversimplifying, narcissists struggle to appreciate their partners' perspective fundamentally …

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Trust, oxytocin and testosterone

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Researchers have found that a pulse of the brain hormone oxytocin—instigated by a soft touch or caress—enhances trust, and a squirt of testosterone makes people more skeptical. Although this article doesn't address it, these hormones have implications in dealing with sociopaths. The predators instinctively seem to know that proclaiming their love for a target, and getting the person into an intimate relationship, makes the target more likely to trust them. And then the sociopaths go to work as exploiters. Read She doesn't trust you? Blame the testosterone on NYTimes.com. Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader. …

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“Beware of Greeks bearing gifts”

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By Ox Drover When I was a kid growing up, one of the “old sayings” that was bandied around the family was the one about “Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.” As a small child this didn't make any sense, since there weren't any Greeks that I knew of living anywhere around where we lived in central Arkansas. (The phrase actually refers to the story of the ancient Greeks invading Troy by hiding soldiers in a massive wooden horse that was given to the city as a gift—the Trojan Horse.) This saying could have been paraphrased as “beware of ANYONE that you don't trust bearing gifts.” Many cultures teach their children that if someone does a favor for you, the “law of reciprocity” means you are …

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