By Marilisa Walker Following a heart wrenching break up of our nearly 11-year marriage, and after he ran our Chamber of Commerce award-winning businesses into the ground, stole all my money and drove off in our only car on a sizzling hot summer afternoon in August while I was taking a nap, I experienced "an overwhelming and overpowering feeling of not being able to make sense of it"—which is what I logged in my journal four months later. Throwing myself on the kitchen floor and sobbing uncontrollably, while these antics provided some emotional relief but horrified my dog—yet was I still left with an irreconcilable quandary. If I could only make sense of what happened between my hus …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Winning a court battle with a sociopath
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who we'll call “Juliet.” Juliet negotiated a settlement with her ex, the father of her daughter. Names and locations have been changed. In the final papers, I am moving to Delaware and he gets supervised visits in Delaware (until age eight) for much longer than I would have if I were forced to fight in court and let the judge decide. Plus I am not paying for him to visit in Delaware. He agreed to pay child support of $450 once he gets a job. My daughter won't leave Delaware with him until age 10, and she won't fly alone to California until age 12. And she only can leave for California over spring break and summer vacat …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Who We Used to Be
Editor's note: The following letter was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as “Panther.” This little bundle of words comes from a new survivor. I write this hoping that I can find these thoughts to be consolation for myself, as well as to share them with others for the same reason. Through reading various Lovefraud articles, I've realized that the veterans have so much invaluable advice to offer. However, at times I wonder how the voice of a survivor sounded right after the break. The reason this matters to me is because the veterans seem so much stronger than I feel right now. I cannot help but wonder, as I read through their wise words, if they have something I don't have, which e …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the Internet predator
Editor's note: Lovefraud recently received the following update from a reader who we called “Greta.” Hi Donna: I previously emailed you my story and you posted it on June 23, 2011 under Letters to Lovefraud: Hooked by an Internet predator. This is an update to my story. As I wrote to you last, according to his previous girlfriend in Italy that keeps in touch with me, my ex, the predator, had persuaded a church in Florida to buy him a bus ticket to New York City. The homeless shelter in New York City assisted him through Immigration to get a ticket back to Holland. After the FBI, CIA, and Interpol completed their investigations, Immigration issued him an airline ticket back to Ams …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Her son is psychopathic, and she fears for her granddaughters
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from reader whom we'll call “Grandma.” She would appreciate any advice to help her deal with her son and granddaughters. My son is categorically a psychopathic personality. In my mind, I can remember the tendencies starting about his high school years. I wonder why nobody else recognized this. Now he is the 29 year old father of 2 small girls. The youngest child, 3-1/2 years old, is telling stories of her father hurting her vagina. She is in counseling and the counselor is the one who reported this to law enforcement and to DSS. (The counselor believes it to be true.) However, because of my husband and my involvement in the lives …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He will not let me go
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call “Gloria.” She's from Australia, and “pokies” are slot machine parlors. She would like some advice. I am a lady that had both hips replaced, my back fused in 2 places, and my neck also fused in 2 places. I met my love fraud when going through a court case, on my hip. My son has a mental illness. Met him at the pokies. I thought I met a wonderful man, he helped me out with my son, totally looked after me through a hip op. Told me he would look after me even if I was in a wheel chair, and even be my carer. I met his family and his parents, got engaged, was on cloud 9. If I won my court case we would get mar …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I left my family and friends to marry him
Editor's note: Last year, Donna Andersen appeared in the premiere episode of "Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?" on the Investigation Discovery Network. The show recently aired on Discovery Home and Health, a Spanish language station, in Central America. Lovefraud has heard from viewers in Mexico and Guatemala. Following is an e-mail from a woman whom we'll call “Blanca.” I saw your history in Discovery Home and Health here at Mexico, and I was surprised because everything you described was like a part of my personal life. I'm part of those worldwide victims, sadly here at Mexico there are not specific laws to deal with his kind of situation. My story began by e-mail. I really don't know …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: No Such Thing as a Free Lunch
Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as “Peggywhoever.” The Perils of Gifts By Peggy Whoever We are taught to believe that people who give us gifts do so out of the goodness of their hearts. That they are kind, caring people. Gift-giving (including meals) makes us think that people love us, or like us at least. NOT. There are people that use gift-giving as a tactic for control, or for a mental tally they keep on what we “owe” them in the future. “I did this for you; therefore you should do this for me.” I propose that anyone who gives a gift should do so freely, willingly, and without expectations of a "payback." I have experienc …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I got out before any damage could be done
Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call “Lorna.” I thought I'd write and tell you a success story, thanks to all the information you provide to help people to survive a sociopath. I've met them at various times in my life, however, I was lucky that I never married or got pregnant or lived with one. A couple of years ago, one crossed my path, and in a short time caused a lot of disruption before I dumped him. I pretty much forgot all about the narcissistic sociopath since then. I wanted to watch the Will and Kate wedding live, but didn't have TV, and on the West Coast it would be shown at 3 a.m. I posted on the activities partners section of Craigslist hop …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He is forbidding me to see my son
Editor's note: Below is an email exchange that I had with a reader whom we'll call “Vera.” Her ex-husband is a sociopath and a lawyer. I am co-parenting with a sociopath and I am at my wits end. He is constantly using our son in his ongoing battle to torment me. The boy is still in elementary school and spends time with him alone at his mountain home. I am concerned that besides being emotionally abused as he is, he will be physically harmed. I am in a terrible bind though. Being a lawyer and a sociopath, he conned his way into custody by paying over $100,000 to hire the best divorce lawyer in town. Without a six-figure retainer or his manifest abuse of our son, I cannot amend the custody …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He is forbidding me to see my sonRead More