How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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How loss through suicide creates perfect targets for sociopaths

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By Eleanor Cowan The generous invitation to a "Survivors of Suicide Loss Retreat," a day of comfort for those left behind, could so easily have been ignored by me. After all, it's been 46 years since my depressed mother climbed over the railing of her high-rise balcony in Toronto. I’ve done a great deal of recovery work since then. I researched the negative domino effect of Mum’s life: abused by her alcoholic father, unprotected by her co-dependent mother, denied the privilege of marrying the man she loved because he wasn’t Irish, followed by her hasty marriage to an unhappy religious man, who was a widower – and Irish. “Why did you marry a man you didn’t love, Mom?” I asked her one …

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My sociopathic partner: Once the smoke begins to clear…

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Chapter 1-wow!  You’re an amazing guy! It all began innocently...my daughter's halloween party invite which happened to include an invite of his daughter too. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the horror insanity and chaos we were about to embark on. Perhaps it was the recent loss of my mother...or the stress of having an aging father to care for...or a sister who is only interested in the financial gains she feels entitled to...maybe it was a transition from a single mom to a single mom with an aging sick Dad coming to live with us...maybe it was a fear of being forever alone and unable to date in any normal sense of the word...but whatever the cause he targeted me like w …

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Living with a Sociopath

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Well where do I start? I guess right from the beginning. 1999 I was 31 when I met the most handsome charming man in the world, I had travelled well, I used to be a holiday rep abroad, so I thought I was a pretty good judge of character…….. I met him on a night out with friends, on a Saturday Night, we talked all night long, I even went back to his place (no funny business) and we talked all night there too!! We arranged out 1st date the following Mon, what a great night we had, he even told people that we were on our honeymoon, such a laugh as is was our very 1st date!! Things progressed very very quickly we met in June, engaged by Sept and living together by October, and it wa …

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Explaining love addiction with a sociopath

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According to Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, romantic love is an addiction. The drive to find a romantic partner is buried deep in the brain, and biologically intertwined with the brain's reward system, which is linked to wanting, motivation, focus and craving. To hear Dr. Fisher explain this, watch the video. Dr. Fisher points out that when you love someone and are rejected, the addiction is worse. Not only do you continue to feel the intense romantic love, but you love your beau even more. Your love becomes an obsession. It turns out that the brain system associated with rewards becomes even more active when you can't get what you want. So what happens when you fall in …

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After the sociopath, a man with borderline personality disorder

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Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from reader Victimcindy. Donna Andersen  responds after the letter. My first relationship, after my 18-year marriage to a sociopath, was to a borderline personality disordered (BPD) man. Do you find this common as the disordered traits are opposite in some areas?  We think we are getting something new and healthy. Spath vs BPD: sex My spath-ex withheld sex as power. The borderline was highly sexual. My spath-ex was charming, but lacked empathy and was emotionally unavailable. He also abused substances, was opportunistic with casual sex outside marriage and secretive. Spath vs BPD: love The borderline was vulnerable, overly e …

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Cognitive dissonance: Vicky Cilliers can’t accept that her husband tried to kill her by tampering with her parachute

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Emile Cilliers, a British army sergeant, was convicted last week of attempting to kill his wife, Vicky. The two were avid skydivers, and in April 2015, he tampered with her parachute before a jump. She fell 4,000 feet, but miraculously survived. Earlier in the week, Emile Cilliers damaged gas fittings in their home. If the gas had exploded, it would have killed Vicky and their two children. But even though the court found him guilty, Vicky Cilliers can't believe her husband was capable of murder. Read this story: 'I still can't believe he tried to murder me': Tearful wife of Lothario army sergeant refuses to accept his conviction for cutting her parachute, says she has NO plans …

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Sometimes “no contact” is not an option

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For more than two years, I’ve shared my story and relevant insights here once a week. That’s coming to a close.  My book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath chronicles my marriage and the painful lessons learned. My book, Narcissists, Sociopaths & Wolves  includes a summary of some of the warning signs of being in a relationship with a sociopath. I hope the excertps I've shared from them have been helpful. I didn't know. Before I married “Paul” (not his real name), I never imagined my life could be so derailed and that my soul could be turned to dust. I didn’t know sociopaths are common, often hiding in plain sight. I didn’t know that they feed off of the thrill of manipulation (which …

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Are you changing in ways you don’t like? Maybe your partner’s a sociopath

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Sociopaths are fueled by our reactions to them—so sociopaths trigger our emotions. What are the signs this is happening?  Looking back on my unwitting marriage to a man I now believe is a sociopath, I realize that some of the warning signs that I was in a relationship with a sociopath were changes in my own behavior. My book, Husband, Liar, Sociopath chronicles that marriage and the painful lessons learned. My book, Narcissists, Sociopaths & Wolves  includes a summary of some of the warning signs of being in a relationship with a sociopath. It took me way too long to understand this, but since sociopaths are fueled by our emotional reactions to them, they trigger our emotions on pur …

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Find yourself explaining common courtesy and common use of language? Maybe he’s a sociopath!

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Confusion over common courtesy, typical use of language, and purposeful misrepresentations If you find yourself in conversations that come down to common courtesy, common understanding of language, or purposeful misrepresentations (especially if the language used creates a misunderstanding but is not an outright lie), get out, and get out fast. Sociopaths are masters of: doublespeak word salad playing games with semantics planting distracting misinterpretations of events purposefully misleading. The result is that you get tied up in knots just trying to agree upon the basic facts or “normal” human behavior. This is a warning sign! Most people want to communicate effe …

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Signs of a sociopath: Double standards

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Signs of a sociopath: Double standards (continued) After a sociopath has won you over , things start to change that erode "you" and shift the power to the sociopath. Looking back on my horrible, unwitting marriage to a man I have come to believe is a sociopath, one of the things that emerged was double standards. At first, our relationship seeming loving and mutually respectful, but over time, things changed drastically. Eventually, he expecting me to honor all commitments to him  even when circumstances had changed significantly, but he felt free not to honor his commitments to me.   Sociopaths may even try to put you in their debt purposely by accusing you of reneging on promises a …

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