In her new book, The Other Side of Charm Your Memoir, author H. G. Beverly gives voice to the emotional experience of being married to, or more appropriately, ambushed by, a psychopath. She captures the shock, outrage, disbelief and confusion better than any book I've ever read. The basic story is that Helen Beverly knew the man, whom she calls Wyatt, for almost her entire life. They both grew up in farm country, and she married him when she was 24. After the wedding he immediately embarked on a subtle campaign to subjugate her. The first step was to convince her to drop out of veterinary school. After all, they agreed that they wanted a family, and they agreed that she should stay home …
Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW: Intensity, Charm, and Sex
By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW, located in Bernardsville, New JerseyMost partners described sex with their sociopath as having been more intense than they had ever experienced. It's one of the factors that confused them into thinking they were with the right person. Sociopaths have the ability to be dynamic, charismatic, attractive, sexy, even hypnotic when they are in predatory mode, in either an extroverted or a subtle way. What fuels this charismatic energy, this sexual electricity? I have come to the conclusion that it has to do with their underlying rage. How does rage translate into charm and sexual intensity, you ask? Just under the surface rage Sociopaths build their false selves …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: He loves, he proposes, he gets money, he abandons
Editor's Note: This Letter to Lovefraud was submitted by a reader from Italy whom we'll call "Alessia." It all started a year and a half ago when I went through a huge crisis with my life that led me to make a decision to simply leave everything and go out of my country (Italy) on a long luxury vacation of four months. Knowing my destination from a past visit, and based on past decision to make this destination my second home, part of my plan was to buy a house on the beach in this four-month period. Arriving to my destination I didn't waste a second. I made a contact to real estate agency and asked to view some houses. Searching for real estate They sent me a 70+ year old real estate …
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Read ‘A Narcissist’s Love Letter’
It's Valentine's Day, the day when many people celebrate love, including sociopaths (which, here on Lovefraud, include antisocials, narcissists. and borderlines). These exploiters do not experience love as we do. But they are often very good at faking it. They profess their love, make promises of future happiness and create grand gestures to demonstrate their love which we may later realize was a demonstration for an audience, not for us. So when they say, "I love you," what do they mean? This post on ThoughtCatalog.com, by John Howell, answers the question. A Narcissist's Love Letter Thank you to Sarah Strudwick for sharing this link. …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Every day was an absolute psychological torture
Editor's Note: This letter was sent in by a European Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Lizbeth.” I had a relationship with a psychopath when I was young and naive. He completely wrecked my life. At that time I was a 20 year-old University student. I was not stupid, but I still fell for his con. He was a few years older and already graduated from University. Every day was an absolute psychological torture. He completely humiliated me every day for utter nonsense. For instance, if I was ten minutes late, it would be a complete fall out. Or I would take a Spanish course, well that was the end of it, since I did not ask his permission to do so. Worst of all, nobody supported me. Mom fell f …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I learned that I am strong and extremely capable
Editor's Note: Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of "Dark Souls Healing and recovering from toxic relationships." By Sarah Strudwick It has been nearly four years since I sold my house as a result of what happened with the man I call “Oliver” in my book. Occasionally I still get the odd email from readers who tell me how much the book has helped them. At the time of selling our family home I wasn't sure whether it would be possible to have a stable financial future ever again. With a pile of debts looming and two properties that were literally falling apart I certainly didn't know what my future would hold. Like most people, I've fallen down before but it certainly wasn't at …
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Recovery From a Sociopath: The fake victim and the real victim
by Quinn Pierce When I first met my ex-husband, I was moved by the amount of compassion and sympathy he showed for the traumatic experiences of my past. To me, it was an endearing quality for someone to be so caring and supportive. He kept telling me how honored he was that I trusted him enough to tell him things I hadn't talked to many people about before. Ulterior Motives I look back with cringe-inducing clarity, and I recognize several ulterior motives for his false compassion. For one, he was assessing me as a partner. He learned that, at the time, I was a very secretive person. I had a select few people I confided in, and I was not one to talk to others about my own painful exp …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: With this man, I felt physically ‘poisoned’
Editor's note: The following letter was received from a Lovefraud reader named Paula. Dear Donna, I read your story and the one about Lance Larabee. The man I was friends with was also a pilot, so that one caught my eye. I must say that I felt physically "sick" hearing all of the just disgusting ways in which Lance violated boundaries with his poor girlfriend despite her very obviously courageous attempts to "protect" herself with all those promissory notes. By the end of the story, it was predictable that expecting him to write his life insurance policy over to her in order to pay her back would never happen. I could almost see him laughing at that, which made me literally feel …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: With this man, I felt physically ‘poisoned’Read More
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I loved him and supported him … all while he was lying, cheating and using me
Editor's note: The following letter was received from a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Nicolette.” Names have been changed. I met “Jackson” online. I wasn't looking for a relationship exactly, just checking to see what was out there. He was the very first person to message me and he was exactly my type. We became Facebook friends and chatted for a couple days he seemed to have all the same interests — art, music, travel, etc. He seemed to have lived an interesting life as a touring musician in some well known bands. Now, he had just moved back to Florida, bought a house, and was building a recording studio in his home. That was his big new venture and he was confident with his connecti …
I believe emotional rape is a crime
Editor's note: Joyce M. Short is the author of a just released book, “Carnal Abuse by Deceit.” The book chronicles her life with a predator, the subsequent aftermath and her road to recovery. It also provides advice for victims and their supporters, and discusses the issues surrounding criminalization of rape-by-fraud. By Joyce M. Short "No Contact" Is the First Step, But Not the Last! The concept of NO CONTACT enables us to distance ourselves from harm, and regain emotional balance. But it's not all we need to do. We need to come to grips with the real injury that we've endured in order to cope with our losses. Partially in an effort to cope with mine, I wrote my book, Carnal Abuse by …