How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I learned that I am strong and extremely capable

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Editor's Note: Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of "Dark Souls Healing and recovering from toxic relationships." By Sarah Strudwick It has been nearly four years since I sold my house as a result of what happened with the man I call “Oliver” in my book. Occasionally I still get the odd email from readers who tell me how much the book has helped them. At the time of selling our family home I wasn't sure whether it would be possible to have a stable financial future ever again. With a pile of debts looming and two properties that were literally falling apart I certainly didn't know what my future would hold. Like most people, I've fallen down before but it certainly wasn't at …

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Recovery From a Sociopath: The fake victim and the real victim

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by Quinn Pierce When I first met my ex-husband, I was moved by the amount of compassion and sympathy he showed for the traumatic experiences of my past.  To me, it was an endearing quality for someone to be so caring and supportive.  He kept telling me how honored he was that I trusted him enough to tell him things I hadn't talked to many people about before. Ulterior Motives I look back with cringe-inducing clarity, and I recognize several ulterior motives for his false compassion. For one, he was assessing me as a partner.  He learned that, at the time, I was a very secretive person.  I had a select few people I confided in, and I was not one to talk to others about my own painful exp …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: With this man, I felt physically ‘poisoned’

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Editor's note: The following letter was received from a Lovefraud reader named Paula. Dear Donna, I read your story and the one about Lance Larabee. The man I was friends with was also a pilot, so that one caught my eye. I must say that I felt physically "sick" hearing all of the just disgusting ways in which Lance violated boundaries with his poor girlfriend despite her very obviously courageous attempts to "protect" herself with all those promissory notes. By the end of the story, it was predictable that expecting him to write his life insurance policy over to her in order to pay her back would never happen. I could almost see him laughing at that, which made me literally feel …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I loved him and supported him … all while he was lying, cheating and using me

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Editor's note: The following letter was received from a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Nicolette.” Names have been changed. I met “Jackson” online. I wasn't looking for a relationship exactly, just checking to see what was out there. He was the very first person to message me and he was exactly my type. We became Facebook friends and chatted for a couple days he seemed to have all the same interests — art, music, travel, etc. He seemed to have lived an interesting life as a touring musician in some well known bands. Now, he had just moved back to Florida, bought a house, and was building a recording studio in his home. That was his big new venture and he was confident with his connecti …

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I believe emotional rape is a crime

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Editor's note: Joyce M. Short is the author of a just released book, “Carnal Abuse by Deceit.” The book chronicles her life with a predator, the subsequent aftermath and her road to recovery. It also provides advice for victims and their supporters, and discusses the issues surrounding criminalization of rape-by-fraud.  By Joyce M. Short "No Contact" Is the First Step, But Not the Last! The concept of NO CONTACT enables us to distance ourselves from harm, and regain emotional balance. But it's not all we need to do. We need to come to grips with the real injury that we've endured in order to cope with our losses. Partially in an effort to cope with mine, I wrote my book, Carnal Abuse by …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: An intense relationship, until he threw me back

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Editor's note: This letter was sent in by Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Renata." I know, as far as abuse stories go, this isn't a doozy. I'm sure other women and men have gone through far worse. And that is precisely why I want to share my story, because, even though this guy isn't a major abuser, he's a manipulative, conniving and voracious predator. He will believe he is using his charm and "kindness" to befriend women who are vulnerable and heartbroken, giving them something to feel good about, over and over. He will lead them down the rosy garden path, all the while knowing that he has NO intention of reciprocating a safe and loving relationship. He only uses his "victims" for …

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Narcissistic men and hostility towards women

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Psychologist Dr Scott Keiller from Kent State University at Tuscarawas conducted a study with 104 men to measure attitudes regarding traditional roles of men and women. He found that narcissistic heterosexual men are more likely to have hostility toward heterosexual women than toward gay women or men.  The narcissists perceive heterosexual women as having more control over whether their sexual desires are fulfilled. A man with attitude, from Science Centric Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.   …

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Letters to Lovefraud: He flat out admits he is a sociopath

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Editor's note: The following letter was sent by 26 year-old Lovefraud reader “Clarissa.” Names have been changed. My name is Clarissa. I have just ended a relationship with someone who I believe is a sociopath. I'm having a difficult time accepting and trying to understand this relationship and getting over the events that occurred. Reconnecting with Blain after so many years I will call my ex “Blain.” I had dated him briefly in high school and broke up with him. He randomly contacted me online 9 years later and was very persistent in me going for a coffee with him. At first I ignored him but when I saw he kept messaging me I said ok, I ended up meeting him and didn't think anything …

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Married to a Sociopath: Illusions and Distractions

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By Quinn Pierce I watched a special on television once about a magician.  The show revealed secrets behind the magician's act.  I remember watching the assistant disappear through a trap door.  The door was situated beneath a table that was sitting on an angle which the audience couldn't see. It occurred to me that living with a sociopath is not unlike living with a magician.  A sociopathic spouse creates an illusionary life complete with spontaneous tricks, secrets, and a hidden escape route. Distraction With a Touch of Flair Most arguments within my marriage were subject to a minimum requirement of drama.  It was very unusual for a topic to be discussed at face value; usually, my ex …

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Research on trusting your gut

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Lovefraud advocates trusting your gut, instincts or intuition when it comes to romantic relationships. Jim McNulty, a psychology professor at Florida State University, just published research that tested how "automatic attitudes" and "semi-conscious attitudes" predicted long-term happiness in romantic relationships. Gut feelings might be best predictors of marital bliss, on IndividualHealthNews.com. Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.   …

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