How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: He loves, he proposes, he gets money, he abandons

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Editor's Note: This Letter to Lovefraud was submitted by a reader from Italy whom we'll call "Alessia." It all started a year and a half ago when I went through a huge crisis with my life that led me to make a decision to simply leave everything and go out of my country (Italy) on a long luxury vacation of four months. Knowing my destination from a past visit, and based on past decision to make this destination my second home, part of my plan was to buy a house on the beach in this four-month period. Arriving to my destination I didn't waste a second. I made a contact to real estate agency and asked to view some houses. Searching for real estate They sent me a 70+ year old real estate …

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Read ‘A Narcissist’s Love Letter’

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It's Valentine's Day, the day when many people celebrate love, including sociopaths (which, here on Lovefraud, include antisocials, narcissists. and borderlines). These exploiters do not experience love as we do. But they are often very good at faking it. They profess their love, make promises of future happiness and create  grand gestures to demonstrate their love which we may later realize was a demonstration for an audience, not for us. So when they say, "I love you," what do they mean? This post on ThoughtCatalog.com, by John Howell, answers the question. A Narcissist's Love Letter Thank you to Sarah Strudwick for sharing this link.   …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Every day was an absolute psychological torture

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Editor's Note: This letter was sent in by a European Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Lizbeth.” I had a relationship with a psychopath when I was young and naive. He completely wrecked my life. At that time I was a 20 year-old University student.  I was not stupid, but I still fell for his con. He was a few years older and already graduated from University. Every day was an absolute psychological torture. He completely humiliated me every day for utter nonsense. For instance, if I was ten minutes late, it would be a complete fall out. Or I would take a Spanish course, well that was the end of it, since I did not ask his permission to do so. Worst of all, nobody supported me. Mom fell f …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I learned that I am strong and extremely capable

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Editor's Note: Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of "Dark Souls Healing and recovering from toxic relationships." By Sarah Strudwick It has been nearly four years since I sold my house as a result of what happened with the man I call “Oliver” in my book. Occasionally I still get the odd email from readers who tell me how much the book has helped them. At the time of selling our family home I wasn't sure whether it would be possible to have a stable financial future ever again. With a pile of debts looming and two properties that were literally falling apart I certainly didn't know what my future would hold. Like most people, I've fallen down before but it certainly wasn't at …

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Recovery From a Sociopath: The fake victim and the real victim

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by Quinn Pierce When I first met my ex-husband, I was moved by the amount of compassion and sympathy he showed for the traumatic experiences of my past.  To me, it was an endearing quality for someone to be so caring and supportive.  He kept telling me how honored he was that I trusted him enough to tell him things I hadn't talked to many people about before. Ulterior Motives I look back with cringe-inducing clarity, and I recognize several ulterior motives for his false compassion. For one, he was assessing me as a partner.  He learned that, at the time, I was a very secretive person.  I had a select few people I confided in, and I was not one to talk to others about my own painful exp …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: With this man, I felt physically ‘poisoned’

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Editor's note: The following letter was received from a Lovefraud reader named Paula. Dear Donna, I read your story and the one about Lance Larabee. The man I was friends with was also a pilot, so that one caught my eye. I must say that I felt physically "sick" hearing all of the just disgusting ways in which Lance violated boundaries with his poor girlfriend despite her very obviously courageous attempts to "protect" herself with all those promissory notes. By the end of the story, it was predictable that expecting him to write his life insurance policy over to her in order to pay her back would never happen. I could almost see him laughing at that, which made me literally feel …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I loved him and supported him … all while he was lying, cheating and using me

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Editor's note: The following letter was received from a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Nicolette.” Names have been changed. I met “Jackson” online. I wasn't looking for a relationship exactly, just checking to see what was out there. He was the very first person to message me and he was exactly my type. We became Facebook friends and chatted for a couple days he seemed to have all the same interests — art, music, travel, etc. He seemed to have lived an interesting life as a touring musician in some well known bands. Now, he had just moved back to Florida, bought a house, and was building a recording studio in his home. That was his big new venture and he was confident with his connecti …

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I believe emotional rape is a crime

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Editor's note: Joyce M. Short is the author of a just released book, “Carnal Abuse by Deceit.” The book chronicles her life with a predator, the subsequent aftermath and her road to recovery. It also provides advice for victims and their supporters, and discusses the issues surrounding criminalization of rape-by-fraud.  By Joyce M. Short "No Contact" Is the First Step, But Not the Last! The concept of NO CONTACT enables us to distance ourselves from harm, and regain emotional balance. But it's not all we need to do. We need to come to grips with the real injury that we've endured in order to cope with our losses. Partially in an effort to cope with mine, I wrote my book, Carnal Abuse by …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: An intense relationship, until he threw me back

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Editor's note: This letter was sent in by Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "Renata." I know, as far as abuse stories go, this isn't a doozy. I'm sure other women and men have gone through far worse. And that is precisely why I want to share my story, because, even though this guy isn't a major abuser, he's a manipulative, conniving and voracious predator. He will believe he is using his charm and "kindness" to befriend women who are vulnerable and heartbroken, giving them something to feel good about, over and over. He will lead them down the rosy garden path, all the while knowing that he has NO intention of reciprocating a safe and loving relationship. He only uses his "victims" for …

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Narcissistic men and hostility towards women

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Psychologist Dr Scott Keiller from Kent State University at Tuscarawas conducted a study with 104 men to measure attitudes regarding traditional roles of men and women. He found that narcissistic heterosexual men are more likely to have hostility toward heterosexual women than toward gay women or men.  The narcissists perceive heterosexual women as having more control over whether their sexual desires are fulfilled. A man with attitude, from Science Centric Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.   …

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