How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Gasoline and Fire Psychopathic Relationships and Last Minute Redemption

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By Ox Drover Most of us know that when you combine gasoline and fire there is not only a larger fire, but an explosive one. Our here in the boondocks we have occasion to burn brush piles or even trash sometimes and anyone except some pure idiot knows you never use gasoline as an accelerant for burning anything, you use diesel. Diesel fuel is more akin to what they call fuel oil up north and they fuel their household heaters with it.  It ignites slowly without a lot of vapor and burns steadily, not causing an explosion. Gasoline on the other hand, starts to vaporize as soon as it is poured out and when you strike a match to it, that vapor cloud explodes into a huge fireball, engulfing …

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How can you know when you’ve encountered a sociopath?

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"The motivation (for lying) is particularly baffling in endogenous deceit when the psychopath may appear to have everything he wants yet continues quite predictably to commence the manipulative cycle." So says Dr. Reid Meloy in The Psychopathic Mind, p121. "I don't think they even eat an ice cream cone just for pleasure, I think they do everything for the effect it has, or the image it presents. It isn't about what is REAL it is about what they can appear to be. To them, I think, if they can get others to believe it, then it becomes "reality" as far as they are concerned." So says Ox Drover in a comment on this blog. There is complete agreement about one thing regarding sociopaths, …

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Donna Andersen interview on Marieclaire.com

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The public relations folks for the Investigation Discovery TV show, Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?, arranged for me to be interviewed by a blogger at Marieclaire.com. She asked me how people get deceived by con artists, which gave me an opportunity to talk about sociopaths. Read Are you dating a cheater?, at Marieclaire.com. …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Delete yourself from the lie

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A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story. It's Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life. Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels... WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before.... Like I told you the …

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Why you still want your sociopathic partner

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Lovefraud frequently hears from readers who have been discarded by sociopaths, but still feel like they're in love with them, and can't get them out of their minds. We frequently tell these readers that sociopathic relationships are very much like addictions. Now, there's proof. A recent study found that "the pain anguish of rejection by a romantic partner may be the result of activity in parts of the brain associated with motivation, reward and addiction cravings," according to Science Daily. Read Romantic rejection stimulates areas of brain involved with motivation, reward and addiction on sciencedaily.com. Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader. …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Do I drop the restraining order again?

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Editor's Note. Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a woman who we'll call “Ursula.” Nine times, Ursula has filed a restraining order against her husband. Eight times she dropped it. She is due in court within a couple of weeks on the ninth order. He is pressing her to drop it, and she is wavering. It has been 8 long years, 9 restraining orders and a child and marriage together. From the first date he brought 2 roses, one because I was beautiful, the second in I was worth it at the end of the date, go figure. Then he let me into the passenger's side of the car and he came into through the drivier's side and said I failed because I didn't reach over and unlock his door before he got …

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Trust, oxytocin and testosterone

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Researchers have found that a pulse of the brain hormone oxytocin—instigated by a soft touch or caress—enhances trust, and a squirt of testosterone makes people more skeptical. Although this article doesn't address it, these hormones have implications in dealing with sociopaths. The predators instinctively seem to know that proclaiming their love for a target, and getting the person into an intimate relationship, makes the target more likely to trust them. And then the sociopaths go to work as exploiters. Read She doesn't trust you? Blame the testosterone on NYTimes.com. Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader. …

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“Beware of Greeks bearing gifts”

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By Ox Drover When I was a kid growing up, one of the “old sayings” that was bandied around the family was the one about “Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.” As a small child this didn't make any sense, since there weren't any Greeks that I knew of living anywhere around where we lived in central Arkansas. (The phrase actually refers to the story of the ancient Greeks invading Troy by hiding soldiers in a massive wooden horse that was given to the city as a gift—the Trojan Horse.) This saying could have been paraphrased as “beware of ANYONE that you don't trust bearing gifts.” Many cultures teach their children that if someone does a favor for you, the “law of reciprocity” means you are …

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The self-fulfilling prophecy

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By Ox Drover My first encounter with a self-fulfilling prophecy (though I didn't call it that name) was back when I was a band-aid-covered kid learning to ride a bicycle. I kept hitting rocks on the streets on which I rode, and even though I did my best to avoid those rocks and the inevitable spills that hitting them meant, it seemed I could never miss a one. I seemed to hit them all. When I would see a rock ahead I kept my eye on it so I could avoid it, but somehow always seemed to hit the darn thing even though I was trying to be careful to avoid it. I felt like I was doomed to hit every rock on the road. One day my stepfather mentioned to me that if I would not look at the rock …

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