I can't believe that it is Labor Day. Here in the U.S., it's the holiday that marks the end of summer, and all I can wonder is, where did the summer go? Yesterday, my husband, Terry, complained about a "time leak"—he swears that an hour is now only 40 minutes long. Actually, of course, time keeps moving at the same pace, with the exception of the "leap second" added on June 30, 2012. (This apparently caused software problems all over the Internet.) Yes, time marches on—and we can use this to our advantage in recovering from the sociopath. Involvements with sociopaths cause serious damage to our emotions, psychology, health, finances, social connections—to our very lives. We can recove …
What did the sociopath give me and why is it so hard to let it go?
Editor's Note: The following was posted as a comment by the Lovefraud reader, NewLife43. I thought everyone should see it. I had a small epiphany today while driving back from the grocery store. What, exactly, did the spath give me that I find so difficult to let go? I have been married twice before and when those marriages were over, I was sad and wished that they hadn't ended the way that they had. But neither one of them was like this 8 year relationship! I was still the same person, what was so different this time? Why couldn't I release it and move on with my life? Neither one of my ex-husbands were like the spath. In fact, NO ONE had ever made me feel like he did. And by that I …
What did the sociopath give me and why is it so hard to let it go?Read More
Beware of the “Psychopath Drama Fueler”
Psychopaths are good at draining our finances and leaving us emotionally wrecked. Since I am still going through my custody battle (and likely will for a long time), I constantly think about ways I can make this experience less painful. Dealing with the aftermath of having a child with someone who has a personality disorder is traumatic. If I have learned one lesson this past year its how important it is to find peace in this sea of chaos. Even after instituting as much "no contact" as is possible my child's psychopathic parent, I have come to realize that there are people who like to fuel the drama of a psychopath for either entertainment or financial reasons. These people don't …
My Brown Eyed Girl – Life DOES continue after the sociopath
Greetings to all my friends here on Lovefraud. I have been silent for a couple of weeks because I've been dealing with a few personal things I would now like to share with you. I already posted the story on my own blog and, after chatting with Donna (who is always so kind and supportive) I've realised that while my story is not about the usual sociopath or survivor message, it may possibly be of value. So here it is - with a few added words just for everyone here. I hope you like it... It felt so deliciously peaceful just floating there in the nothingness. The noisy mind-chatter all but disappeared, I was happily allowing myself to drift off to sleep, enjoying the half-way-ness of being …
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The cracks of a family’s hidden dysfunction
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) I often go to auctions and flea markets looking for “hidden treasures” to add to my collection of pottery and handmade baskets of split oak. One of the things I have learned to do is to look for subtle or hidden flaws in the things that I like to collect. It isn't uncommon to find pottery items that have been chipped or broken and then carefully mended. Sometimes the cracks are very subtle and difficult to detect. It isn't unusual for me to see an item and get all “excited” about it, then upon closer inspection, find that there are some hidden cracks. I got to thinking about the “hidden cracks” that are found in dysfunctional families as well. In my own …
How to get revenge against the sociopath
You've finally figured out what is wrong with an individual who has taken advantage of you, abused you, perhaps even assaulted you. Reading Lovefraud, you realize that he or she is a sociopath. Now, you're an emotional wreck. You've been profoundly betrayed. You're justifiably angry. Plus, the sociopath has caused you real problems. Perhaps all your money is gone. Or you're in a vicious child custody battle. You've lost your job, your savings or your home. You suffer from anxiety, depression or PTSD. You feel so far down that you don't even know which direction is up. You are outraged by the sociopath's actions. You are further outraged that after this individual bulldozed through y …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Now I can honestly say to a victim, ‘I understand how you feel’
Editor's note: This Lovefraud reader formerly posted under the name of "Adelle." Her articles include "A thank you note to my sociopath" and "If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it." In the past I have written under the name of Adelle in an effort to keep my stalker from finding me. I dated this man and lived with him for about two years; he knows one of my passions is writing. I've written a few articles that have been published; he knows my style so it didn't take him long to figure out I was “Adelle.” The fact that while I was still living with him I would get my support from Lovefraud also made it easy to find my writings. He knows a lot about me; of course he does ”¦ that is what soci …
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Mourning the man who never was (because he is a psychopath)
Before I had children, I always dreamed that my children would have a wonderful relationship with both me and their father. Given the close relationship that I have with my father, I could never have imagined a situation where I would NOT want my child's father to have access to him/her. (Until now, of course) Here is a quick example of how I felt about my father as a child and why I dreamed for my child to have the same: (This conversation took place as my father was tying my shoes.) Young Cappuccino Queen (circa age 5): Daddy, when I grow up can I marry you? My father (holding back laughter): No baby girl, I am already married to your mother. Cappuccino Queen: But Daddy, I …
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Keep Shining, Beautiful Ones
This week I saw a quote on Facebook that spoke to me loud and clear “Keep shining, beautiful ones. This world needs your light” — because it immediately made me think of everyone here on Lovefraud. I imagined each and every beautiful person who reads and contributes to the site, and as I did so, my heart warmed and prompted a smile”¦ and moist eyes. Why did I think of this community? Because I truly believe that our experiences ultimately help all of us to shine more brightly as a result. At the same time, I fully appreciate that this notion may still seem to many to be a long way off, or even an impossibility to some people here — perhaps that was what prompted the tears? Well, that toget …
About Stolen Lives
Over the years, hearing many victim stories, I often felt the pain and loss of “stolen lives.” Note that having one's life stolen is not the same process as giving one's life away. There are some who spend 30 or more years in a relationship with a sociopath/psychopath and it is important people understand that there is always coercion involved in the process of making and maintaining these relationships. Consider that the coercive behavior that begins and maintains relationships occurs on a continuum from persuasion, to lying/manipulation to taking someone physically by force. The point is that there was never informed, freely given consent. If the victim had known the truth of what they w …