This, for me, has been a week of extreme highs and lows. And, as usual, has once again provided me with the perfect material for today's post. Among the highs was finding and securing the perfect living solution for my son when he starts university — that's a massive weight off both of our shoulders, and a cause for great celebration! The lows? Well, they've been triggered by a piece of particularly unexpected news — and an announcement that I would therefore like to make to all of you here on Lovefraud. I discovered just at the end of last week that the publication date for my book has been moved. Not by the couple of weeks I might have expected, since I was already aware that the libel i …
Our pasts matter: looking back, moving forward
By: Linda Hartoonian Almas, M.S. Ed Recently, I've spent a fair amount of time reflecting on my life, especially my childhood. I've also spent some time writing about these reflections. I can't say exactly what caused me to embark on this mental "roots" journey, but I can say that I identified some remarkable realities, along the way. These realizations helped me understand my vulnerabilities. This, in turn, brought clarity regarding what may have made me so attractive to an individual with psychopathic features. It helped me understand what it was about my past that encouraged me to allow a large portion of my adult life to be swallowed whole by disorder and dysfunction. It matte …
Does the sociopath treat the next wife better?
Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader: I always knew there was something wrong with my ex-husband, and friends and family did as well. There were lies, gambling, cheating, drug use, rehab 3 times, head games. He would drive erratically with our son and I in the car (even when our son was very little). He would speed up if there was a cat or other animal in the road. I would always completely freak out so he never ran one over when I was in the car, but I wouldn't be surprised if he did when I wasn't. (I could tell his counselor in rehab #3 knew there was more to his problems than just drug addiction.) He was clean for a long time and that's when I realized it wasn't t …
Shifting The Blame
Well, I'm delighted to report that my son completed all his exams last week — and is confident that he did well. Recognizing his ability to respond to the challenge, he did everything within his power to make the most of the situation, staying calm and able to think as clearly as possible in a highly pressured situation. So, regardless of what happens next (the results are published in a couple of weeks) the fact remains that he's done his very best, and it's over. Which is why, this week, I decided to expand on the subject of blame and responsibility. There's a huge difference between thinking in those two opposing terms. There's also, of course, a huge difference when people choose to u …
We are valuable, and the psychopath can’t take that value
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) One of my cousins, a lovely lady in her early 80s, who still has every marble she ever had and a heart as big as a wash tub, sent me the following story in an e mail. I had heard the story years ago, but hadn't read it in a long time, but today when I read it, I thought about how the psychopathic experience makes this a very valuable analogy. A well-known speaker started off his seminar holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He ”¦ proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants i …
We are valuable, and the psychopath can’t take that valueRead More
Finding the pieces of my soul
Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." She previously wrote, "Lessons from Jurassic Park: Sociopaths simply are." When I first realized that my marriage was over, I was literally overwhelmed with the ensuing emotions that followed my initial discovery. After the exspath left and I had an opportunity to do some in-depth financial research, the emotions centered around fear and despair. Fear with regard to my immediate and foreseeable future, and despair with regard to the gravity of the obvious marriage-for-money-only. I've been grappling with fear and despair for a good while, now. Sometimes, I have fits of one (or, both) that …
Reclaiming Our Power – One Decision At A Time
Thank you for your continuing comments after my posts. I feel deeply honoured to be here, and I am so glad that my stories seem to help in some way - it makes all the bad experiences worthwhile! As each new week arrives, and the time comes to writing an article, I look back and search for something that has hit home in some way shape or form. Something that has made a difference to me and that, therefore, I hope will be of value to my friends here on Lovefraud. This week there have been a couple of things — a photograph that a friend sent to me was one of them. It was one of those quotes that tends to do the rounds on social media sites. One with a photograph and a motivational or p …
Taking care of ourselves–FIRST!
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Wearing my “nurse Joyce hat” is part of what I am, although I am retired. Even though I am no longer in practice giving out specific medical advice to patients and billing insurance companies, Medicare and private payers for the advice, I still am inclined to look at things from a medical point of view. One of the things I used to teach my diabetic patients about their condition was that I was the “coach” and they were the “team.” I could not get out on the field of life and play the “game” they had to do it. But if I were not a good “coach,” and didn't teach them the “rules of the game,” they were not going to be able to play a good game. I told them t …
Stolen Time
By: Linda Hartoonian Almas, M.S. Ed Last year, I re-connected via social media, with a childhood friend who I had not seen in years. As mothers with children of similar ages, we had a lot to catch up on. As we did, I learned that she has two children who are suffering from a misunderstood and often misdiagnosed disorder. She is a wonderfully positive person, who freely discusses her children's struggles, in hopes of educating others about the issue. She advocates fiercely for them, yet seems to successfully strike a balance between speaking on their behalf and encouraging their independence. The same, only different Over time, as I learned more, I found that I identified with …
Lifters And Drainers – Finding Sanity After Crazy!
As is my usual way here on this site, I'm writing this week about something that's hit home to me once again. This time, it's about the subject of Lifters and Drainers, Boosters and Bursters, Gremlins and Heroes”¦. Yes, I have plenty of terms for the subject I'm about to explain. But what, exactly, am I talking about you may ask? Well, I'm talking about how we are influenced in the ways in which we operate. Taking both extremes, it's the differences between whether we feel up, positive, poised and ready, or whether we feel tired, drained, despondent and depressed. Specifically in this case, I'm going to focus on two direct ways in which we are influenced — the people around us, and our ow …