This past weekend, my wonderful husband, Terry Kelly, and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary with a short getaway to New Hope, Pennsylvania. We stayed at a nice hotel, went to a museum, ate some delicious meals. But mostly, we celebrated our love for each other, still going strong after all these years. Yes, a happy marriage is possible after the sociopath. Life brings challenges and we’ve certainly faced our share. But the issues were never about problems in our relationship. What’s our secret? I’d say caregiving. I’ve explained many times that researchers have identified three social drives that are components of romantic love: Attachment — wanting to be with your special …
A Lovefraud reader’s happy ending
UPDATED FOR 2022 — a reminder to everyone that there can be love after the sociopath. Several years ago, Lovefraud heard from a reader whom we called "Rochelle." After 30 years, she'd reconnected with the first boy she ever loved. It felt like her chance to finally have the love she always wanted. Except that the boy, now a man, was a sociopath, and the love was a mirage. Rochelle knew he was disordered, but still she pined for him. She asked, "When does it get to the point where he stops taking up space in my brain?" Here's her story: Getting the sociopath out of your head She later wrote a Letter to Lovefraud detailing her experience: How sociopaths twist words and a …
Yes, there can be love after the sociopath
Relationships with sociopaths are devastating. At one time we thought we’d found the person we’d been waiting for all our lives. Then we were unceremoniously discarded. Eventually we learned that the whole relationship was a lie. We feel like we are emotionally ruined forever. But I’m here to tell you that there can be love after the sociopath. I know, because I lived it. My first book, Love Fraud, is the story of my marriage to a con artist. I describe in detail how he seduced me, then exploited me. But the book is more than that — it is also the story of my recovery. In fact, the sociopath’s betrayal shattered my emotional defenses, which had the effect of enabling me to truly open my …
Healthy shame, toxic shame and sociopaths
As human beings, we’re not perfect, and sometimes we learn this the hard way. Shame is the unpleasant, unsettling emotion that we feel when we discover a defect in ourselves. Although we feel badly, shame can actually be constructive — it can motivate us to learn, improve, or make amends. This is healthy shame. Toxic shame, however, is destructive; we feel weak, pathetic and worthless. Sociopaths never feel healthy shame, and they push us to feel toxic shame. At the most basic level, shame is a defense mechanism, according to the National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICABM). It enables us to learn how to keep ourselves safe from harm. This was important i …
In the New Year, true emotional recovery from the sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2022: It's the New Year, the perfect time to reflect on what we truly want in life. If you are or have been involved with a sociopath, your most ardent wish is probably for recovery. Here's the secret that will enable you to achieve your desire: All true healing is internal. Therefore, be sure to work on your emotional recovery. You may feel like I'm stating the obvious, because you feel like crap, and you want to feel better. Or worse, you are numb, and you can't feel anything. You may believe that fixing some external problem caused by the sociopath will enable you to feel better. If you can just finalize the divorce, get custody of the kids, move away, get your money b …
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Should You Fear the Death Card in a Tarot Reading?
Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, explains what the Death Card in a Tarot reading really means, and why it may portend great things for you. Read more about Liberty. As a psychic and medium, over the past few decades I've had many clients come to me because they feel trapped in a relationship with a sociopath. Whether it's a family member or a romantic partner, they feel helpless and don't know how to move forward — which is why they've contacted me for guidance. Sometimes I've used Tarot cards in my readings. Provided the reader is experienced and "in alignment," Tarot is an excellent tool to gain clarity on …
The Secret for How To Cope With Change
Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, explains that everything in life changes. Then she offers you the secret for how to cope with change when it happens in your life. Read more about Liberty. It always amazes me to consider the wide range of emotions that the word "change" can evoke. Even without context, some people absolutely love it, relishing a new adventure, the next challenge, or an opportunity to expand themselves or their lives in some way. And then there are those people who dread it. They fear it more than almost anything else and do not know how to cope with change. But of course, …
Love Does Not Conquer All
Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, explains why love does not conquer all — especially if the person you love is a sociopath. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest Love does not conquer all. That's the truth. The story of Romeo and Juliet pretty much sums it up. Sure, it was fiction. But it was a case of art imitating life — if not literally (which is, unfortunately, sometimes the case), certainly figuratively. What we'll do in the name of love...really, it's quite shocking at times. I don't know what happens to our brains when we love someone but the image of putting a plastic bag on a hot frying pan …
The Serenity Prayer: Letting Go of What No Longer Works for You
Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, reminds us of the beauty and power of the Serenity Prayer, and how it can help us let go of what no longer supports us. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest As you've landed on this site, I'm guessing you've been slammed with a lot of lessons on "letting go." Perhaps you've had to let go of dreams, your home, family members, a relationship, your lifestyle, the past, or a long list of other aspects of your life. It can feel completely devastating. You might even feel like it's more than you can bear. I can relate to that; I've been there myself, many times, so I do …
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How Feeling Unlovable Leads to a Need for Perfection
Editor's note: Liberty Forrest, author of several self-help books and a certified Law of Attraction Life Coach, explains how she developed a need for perfection based in fear, and how she let it go. Read more about Liberty. By Liberty Forrest I've been a perfectionist about many things in my life and thankfully, have let go of most of that tendency. The need for perfection came from a massive fear of failure. And the massive fear of failure came from a deeply rooted belief that I was not lovable. If I could just be good enough, I would be worthy of love. Of course, that wasn't in my conscious mind but that's what was going on. Being taken from my birth mother after bonding with her, …
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