How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Cognitive Dissonance and the Psychopath

//  by //  86 Comments

Editor's note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Betsybugs." The term cognitive dissonance is used to describe the feeling of discomfort and confusion that results from holding two conflicting beliefs. When there is a discrepancy between beliefs or beliefs and behaviors, something must change in order to eliminate or reduce the mental conflict. Psychopaths use cognitive dissonance to entangle victims, to keep victims confused and docile and to create pain. My story is a story of cognitive dissonance. My cognitive dissonance began in childhood when my father would go into rages, chase one of his daughters into a corner and beat the living daylights …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Cognitive Dissonance and the PsychopathRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I lost myself in the relationship with a sociopath

//  by //  83 Comments

Editor's note: The following article was submitted by a reader who writes as "Buffalo Girl." The boy across the street. I remember him back in the late 70's. My family had moved into the new neighborhood. I was 12. He was the popular 13-year-old who always hung out with the cool boys who were years older than him. And they seemed to idolize him. I remember the second day in my new catholic grammar school ”¦”¦ me, the new girl, and him already there for years. But the teachers were fed up with him. Second day of school. The head nun and a few teachers surrounded him in the hall. They were already frustrated and ganged up on him. Saying they've had enough and were not going to take anoth …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I lost myself in the relationship with a sociopathRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The sociopath didn’t take it all from us

//  by //  14 Comments

Editor's note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." I've experienced so much personal loss as a result of my second marriage that I don't know if I'll ever recover.  I lost my belongings, all of my inheritance, and I nearly lost my will to live.  When I returned home and the hot water wasn't coming out of the spigot, I took my little flashlight down to the basement - dirt and gravel floor, unheated, and housing a dead furnace.  I opened the door to the basement and was met with a wall of warm, moist air and the sound of running water.  It was 27 degrees, outside, and 37 degrees inside the shell of the dwelling where I'm currently liv …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The sociopath didn’t take it all from usRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Lured and caught by a sociopath

//  by //  92 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following article from a reader called "Makemenew2012." The Lure I met my second husband, an African immigrant, on a social media site in early January of this year. Mr. C (as I'll refer to him) connected with me through a mutual acquaintance and began sending me e-mails every day. At first, his messages seemed rather innocent— Mr. C asked how my day was going, what the weather was like, etc. But after a few days, he began fishing for information, inquiring about my husband and children. The first time, I ignored his question and responded on my own behalf. The next time, I replied that I didn't have a husband or children. And that was his cue to st …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Lured and caught by a sociopathRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Trail of Water, Tears and Betrayal

//  by //  52 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who writes as "Esther." I am watching with horror as I see the devastation of Hurricane Sandy. The water and photos of devastation bring back memories for me of my experiences in South Florida—three hurricanes back to back destroyed my home. I was married to the sociopath at that time. He enjoyed the attention and the chaos. I was devastated and overwhelmed. The insurance adjusters, claims, trying to get tarps to protect the home from further rain and damage, the ceiling collapsing and the black mold that began to appear on the walls after the power was restored. Contractors could not be found, and the predators looking f …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Trail of Water, Tears and BetrayalRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This year, holidays without the sociopath

//  by //  65 Comments

Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." Holiday seasons are looming on the horizon. For those of us who are in recovery, this time of year can be very depressing, or very liberating. For those who are still embedded in the World of Spath, the holiday season can be more desperate than any other time of the year. Before escaping sociopathic entanglements, the Holiday Season is a time of withhold/reward, predictable outcomes, and ruined expectations. "Perhaps, this year will be better. Perhaps, he/she will make the changes and save the relationship." Well, if the spath isn't engaging in withhold/reward, they're engaging in …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This year, holidays without the sociopathRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: One-year anniversary of the SNAP that was my sanity speaking

//  by //  63 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who uses the name "DamselflyNOTdistressed." OCTOBER 24, 2012 - Today is the one-year anniversary of my breakup from a SPath and the "nervous breakdown" that followed. My body and life at that moment felt viscerally like the total collapse of everything I thought I knew about myself. It was undoubtedly one of the worst moments of my life. And I am grateful. It had only been five months, and what a grand rollercoaster ride! We were fellow bohemians, and we met as nude models in a grand tableau vivant performance by an emerging and prolifically talented artist. Though my third time participating in such an exquisite …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: One-year anniversary of the SNAP that was my sanity speakingRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Before marriage, do your homework

//  by //  54 Comments

Editor's note: The following article was received by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." It's been over a year since I discovered that the man that I married had been living a double-life before we ever even met. My vulnerabilities were the beacon that he gravitated towards: exiting an abusive marriage, loving to my children, spiritually "grounded," artistic and creative, and all of these attributes and vulnerabilities in addition to a "socially connected" family with a colorful history were exploitable and desirable. I believed his words and assertions because I wanted to. I "needed" to feel validated and valued because I couldn't provide this to myself, on my own. I've …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Before marriage, do your homeworkRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He assured me he would never, could never hurt me like that again

//  by //  68 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Bernice." I had been out of an 18-year marriage for a year when I met my lovefraud. My husband was a selfish man who enjoyed his pornography. At the beginning I tried to be the good wife, experience things with him. The pornography I just couldn't bring myself to enjoy. I explained to him that for me it was a major turn off, almost sickening some of it. All that accomplished was him watching alone. When the children came along we only grew further apart. Over the rest of the marriage he became more and more independent from the children and I, often treating us like we were an inconvenience. He would …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He assured me he would never, could never hurt me like that againRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A hard fought battle, but no regrets

//  by //  20 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following from the reader who posts as "RobertInSeattle." I've been running into sociopaths all my life often when I least expected it. And believe me when I tell you the more I learn, the less I know! As I've been delving into all of this more deeply than I ever have in the past (all because of my breakup earlier this year with my most recent sociopath encounter), it's finally gotten me to looking much farther back into my own long history with them. There was so little discussion and certainly few if any online support groups in years past that actually addressed sociopathy when I went through my first divorce which started back in 1989. Many …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A hard fought battle, but no regretsRead More