How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This is What Five Months No Contact Looks Like

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Editor's Note: This article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Snow White." She previously wrote "He is not Prince Charming, and you are not Snow White." After months of pursuit and ultimate seduction by a psychopath, which eventually lead to an affair with this man, I can now honestly see that I am making my way down the road to recovery. When I first started to open my eyes and began noticing red flags in the psychopath's behavior, coupled with the deep sadness I was experiencing about ending my marriage, I took the first gigantic step of actually listening to MY feelings. Even though the love bombing was so intense and the psychopathic bond well established to the point …

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Our Silence Is Their Greatest Weapon

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This week I'd like to tell you a true story — although details have been changed to protect privacy. It concerns a recent dinner conversation I had with a well-balanced, well-educated, professional gentleman who has worked at the same company for over a decade. Why? Because he believes in what they do, he loves his job, and he loves the people who work there. This man is articulate, intelligent, great company, happily married and by any measure has made a success of his life — I'll call him James. So, you can imagine my surprise when, in a quiet moment, this strong man took me aside to confide in me about the horrors he had suffered at the hands of a female boss who had recently left the bus …

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After the sociopath, make the decision to recover

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Finally, you realize what is wrong with your romantic partner: He or she is a sociopath. Finally, the behavior that was so confusing makes sense. The person you loved, and who you thought loved you, has a personality disorder. Now you realize that anything your partner told you could have been a lie. Now you know why your partner could be so cruel, then tell you how much he or she loved you, practically in the same breath. Now you realize that there never was any love, that your entire relationship was exploitation, and nothing more. Now what do you do? How do you move forward? How do you recover? Many of your friends and family tell you, "Just put it behind you. Get over it. Move …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: 30 years married to a sociopath

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Editor's note: The following article was sent by the reader who posts as Opal Rose. July 24, 2012, was my 30th wedding anniversary. I found the Lovefraud web site in August 2009 after finding a directory on my computer put there by my husband while his computer was being repaired. Unbelievable and worse than I could have ever imagined — porn, violence-against-women-porn, sex dating sites for college age women, e-mails to specific responders to ads. The dude was busy. A frantic visit to my workplace Employee Assistance Program gave me the concept of “Narcissistic Personality Disorder,” but subsequent searches led me to the checklist for “Sociopath.” I distinctly remember my jaw dropping whe …

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How our thoughts affect our lives

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By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)  “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”  (Proverbs 23:7) I was watching the movie Iron Lady today and a few lines of the character Margaret Thatcher jumped out at me and made me think of that verse above from the Bible. Here are the lines from Mrs. Thatcher, as she was speaking with her physician. Watch your thoughts for they become words, Watch your words for they become your actions, Watch your actions For they become  your habits Watch your habits for they become your character Watch your character for it becomes your destiny What we think we become. How many times do we prove those words, originally attributed to the ancient Chine …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Letting go of monetary justice is releasing the ties that bind

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we'll call "Filippa." I've been reading Lovefraud for years. I've also been in a legal battle with the ex that has been clinically diagnosed as narcissist, OCD, paranoid that has a father of the same, with millions who loves to be in legal battles for sport, and whose motto is, "I'll show you how to screw over an ex-wife." Yesterday, seven years later, we finally went to trial. Yesterday, I figured it out ”¦ releasing all his obligations to me, means I free myself of him ever having any more control to manipulate the legal system to harass me or my children. I gave up $150K for full legal and physical custody. He …

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Real Love After The Sociopath

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I don't remember the number of times that my friends warned me not to shut down after it all happened. How many times they'd ask me not to lose myself. To avoid becoming bitter and lonely. To stay open, despite my pain. “With what you've been through you have every right to never trust anyone again” they'd say “but please don't let this experience change you from being the loving bubbly person that you are — time will heal. Stay open” Yes, I am very lucky indeed to have such wise and loving friends. I count my blessings and am grateful for such levels of support — particularly during the early days after discovering the truth.  At the time I thought they were referring to my ability to …

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Why Counseling Therapy?

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Editor's Note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." My first encounter with counseling was when I was a “troubled” teenager. I've seen several counselors since then for various reasons. At no time was I completely honest or truthful and certain issues were “addressed,” but they were never “managed.” This was mainly due to my own shame in admitting that I had issues at all, but also due to the chosen counselors merely hearing words out of my mouth and nodding, writing, and asking, “Well, how do you feel about that?” Personally, I felt that they each should have been able to see through my fears and pinpoint where I needed to start. But, counselor …

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Me-Muscles… It’s All About The Questions

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I've had an extraordinarily busy and amazing week working with a fantastic group — which is why I simply didn't have the time to post anything last week. My apologies. The workshop sessions were intensive, running through from early morning to late evening, and yes, it's tiring work — both for me as well as for the delegates and, of course, my training team. But goodness me it's worth it. How do I know? The room filled with smiling faces tells me so, and it makes me feel glad. So this week I've decided to share some of the techniques we were exploring over the course of the workshops — because there are many that, in my experience, also apply to dealing with the sociopaths among us. The f …

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With the Penn State report, a public understanding of unbelievable betrayal

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Yesterday, Louis Freeh, former director of the FBI, released the report of his investigation into the Penn State scandal. Jerry Sandusky, the former assistant football coach under the legendary Joe Paterno, was convicted last month of 45 charges related to his abuse of young boys, and Freeh was retained by the university's board of trustees to find out exactly what happened and why. Freeh's report is scathing. The front page of this morning's Philadelphia Inquirer proclaimed in the largest headline typeface I've ever seen: DAMNING JUDGMENT  Under the headline were the photos of the four Pennsylvania State University officials who the report says enabled, through their inaction, Jerry …

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