How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: This year, holidays without the sociopath

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Editor's note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." Holiday seasons are looming on the horizon. For those of us who are in recovery, this time of year can be very depressing, or very liberating. For those who are still embedded in the World of Spath, the holiday season can be more desperate than any other time of the year. Before escaping sociopathic entanglements, the Holiday Season is a time of withhold/reward, predictable outcomes, and ruined expectations. "Perhaps, this year will be better. Perhaps, he/she will make the changes and save the relationship." Well, if the spath isn't engaging in withhold/reward, they're engaging in …

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Leaving the Sociopath: Gathering Strength and Losing Fear

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By Mary Ann Glynn, LCSW [Masculine pronouns are used for the sake of simplicity. Women, of course, can also be sociopaths.] You are feeling more desperate and miserable in this relationship with this person who you thought loved you. Over time you have experienced feeling less valuable, as you find your needs no longer seem important to him. Your feelings are not important. In fact, when you try to emotionally connect or bring up a hurt, a need, or a concern about something he did, it only seems to threaten him and make them act like a cornered animal. And, in the end, he acts victimized and you feel like the bad guy. There are many things about you or what you say or do that he cannot …

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TARGETED TEENS AND 20s: He told me he loved me and would someday marry me

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Lovefraud received the following email from a young lady whom we'll call "Suzette." I'm only twenty years old & I feel like my soul has been snatched out of me. I met him in my neighborhood; we'd been acquainted for a year. He contacted me out of the blue about how hurt he was that his girlfriend cheated (Lie#1). We hung out, I was charmed & wooed and he told me he loved me, & would someday marry me because I was the one. He just didn't know if he could handle jumping into something serious. I settled for taking it slow. He claimed he fell on hard times (Lie#2), couldn't find a job (actually wasn't looking) and needed a place to stay. I have a giving heart and so I felt sorry …

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News reports say British TV star Jimmy Savile was a sexual predator for decades

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Jimmy Savile was one of the most well-know stars of British television. Everyone knew he was eccentric and many people apparently knew he was also a sexual predator who targeted young girls for decades. Jimmy Savile scandal on BBC.co.uk. 'If we blabbed on Jimmy, the family would have been left with nothing': Savile's abused great niece tells how paedophile DJ bought his relatives' silence, on DailyMail.co.uk. Britain's Jimmy Savile abuse scandal: how could his crimes have gone unnoticed for so long? on WashingtonPost.com. Links supplied by a Lovefraud reader. [youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/6nHDZfSl36g] …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: One-year anniversary of the SNAP that was my sanity speaking

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who uses the name "DamselflyNOTdistressed." OCTOBER 24, 2012 - Today is the one-year anniversary of my breakup from a SPath and the "nervous breakdown" that followed. My body and life at that moment felt viscerally like the total collapse of everything I thought I knew about myself. It was undoubtedly one of the worst moments of my life. And I am grateful. It had only been five months, and what a grand rollercoaster ride! We were fellow bohemians, and we met as nude models in a grand tableau vivant performance by an emerging and prolifically talented artist. Though my third time participating in such an exquisite …

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Mothers of boys accused of murder

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By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Sometimes I have felt like I was totally alone in having a son (child) who was capable of horrible things. Sometimes I have felt like I was alone in turning my son in to police for the crimes he committed. Though the crime I turned my son in for was for theft, I still felt alone in doing so, and was criticized by people, even family members, for doing it. However, two recent stories have ripped my heart out. I had been following the case of the missing 12 year old New Jersey girl, but the alleged murderers were caught and charged. Their mother turned them in to police. Here is the most recent news: Teens accused of killing Clayton 12-year-old Autumn …

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Rest In Peace Baby Boy – The Courts Failed Us

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On October 21, 2012 at 8:38pm my baby boy was officially pronounced dead.  I sit here typing and I am still in complete shock.  I wasn't sure I would ever be able to write about, but tonight as I sit here I realize that baby boy needs me to tell his story — our story.  It is a tragic story.  It is a story about a guardian angel and his mama.  It is a story about the day I lost my little angel, my soul, and my reason to keep living. 8:30am Friday October 19th: Baby boy had been running a fever and the night before his fever had spiked again causing another seizure.  I called the ambulance, per usual, and again was told that baby boy was fine and that Febrile Seizure are benign and that I shoul …

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Loving the sociopath who’s spared you

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(This article is copyrighted © 2012 by Steve Becker, LCSW. My use of male gender pronouns is for convenience's sake and not to suggest that females aren't capable of the behaviors and attitudes discussed.) It can be hard to hate or despise even the most terrible human being so long as he's inflicted his cruelty on others, but spared you. Take a sociopathic relative, even a close one. If somehow he compartmentalized his life, lived a “double life—”in any case, if you learned that he treated you (retrospectively even) with an exceptional, aberrant mercy that he denied his victims, you might very possibly remain “loyal” to him. You might still even “love” him. Various defenses are pertine …

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What should she do about a violent stalker?

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Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader: Your website has been very enlightening. I was dating a psychopath for a few months. Luckily I escaped before too long. He fits the traits TO A TEE! Everything this man said was a lie. I could go on and on about the things that happened but I am typing on my smart phone and am just looking for your advice on one thing for now. One of the things I found out he was lying about was the fact that he went to prison for murder. He is on parole.  After I left him (I am now 3000 miles away) he has been calling me sometimes 30 times a day. I had to call block and text block him. I am considering calling his probation officer to …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Before marriage, do your homework

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Editor's note: The following article was received by the Lovefraud reader who posts as "Adelade." It's been over a year since I discovered that the man that I married had been living a double-life before we ever even met. My vulnerabilities were the beacon that he gravitated towards: exiting an abusive marriage, loving to my children, spiritually "grounded," artistic and creative, and all of these attributes and vulnerabilities in addition to a "socially connected" family with a colorful history were exploitable and desirable. I believed his words and assertions because I wanted to. I "needed" to feel validated and valued because I couldn't provide this to myself, on my own. I've …

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