You're shattered. You thought you finally met your soul mate, the person you were waiting for all your life. This charming, charismatic and attentive romantic partner swept you off your feet in a whirlwind romance. It was good — no, it was fabulous — until it wasn't. Perhaps you were subjected to the "devalue and discard" routine. Or you discovered that your partner wasn't the person he or she claimed to be. However it happened, you are heartbroken. I talk to a lot of people, both men and women, who are, or were, romantically involved with sociopaths. They're devastated, of course. But what is truly mind blowing is the level of deception that they experienced. What they felt as a true, …
I am trying to remember who I was before he decimated me
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as "msescue." I was married to a narcissist for 10 years and we had one daughter together. He was 4 years younger than me, had never been married and was a cute nervous wreck when we went out. It made me feel beautiful and empowered that at nearly 30 years old, I was able to attract a younger man who was NERVOUS to meet me. Our relationship moved quickly. We became pregnant after dating for only 8 weeks. But he was ecstatic about it and he was amazing throughout my entire pregnancy and our daughter's infancy. He treated me like a queen and it felt so good to finally feel like I had found someone who loved me for …
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A sociopath’s capacity for deception and betrayal is almost unfathomable
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 50A: Oh My GOD! On my lawyer’s advice, I called all the locksmiths in the area, and they agreed to refuse Paul entry to the house without my consent. Fortunately, the threat of me moving out with the kids and incurring the rent of an additional apartment big enough for two kids, two dogs, and me had worked. Paul never moved back into the house. At one of my early meetings with …
A sociopath’s capacity for deception and betrayal is almost unfathomableRead More
Never Good Enough (My childhood adaptation to abuse)
By Eleanor Cowan I was eleven years old. “Do you know what you are? asked Mother, thrusting open my bedroom door to find me, as she knew she would, in a predictable spot reading a predictable book. “I’ll tell you who. You’re a big, fat, lazy nothing.” Waving her souvenir from Mexico, a horsewhip, she flicked my hair up at the back as I hit the stairs to begin new tasks. Even though I weighed less than a hundred pounds, even though my chores were done and I’d earned the right to read for awhile, I did not defend myself. There was no talking back, no disrespect, no arguing. Only one rehearsed sentence was permitted. I said it: “Yes, mother? What can I do to help?” Standing up for myself …
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What you need to know to get a restraining order against a sociopath
Lovefraud Continuing Education webinar Obtaining Injunctions Against a Sociopath Presented by Megan Lyons, Esq. Tuesday, Aug. 1, 8-9 p.m. ET • $25 More info Sometimes sociopaths will not leave you alone. The involvement is over and you want to move on, but the sociopath is stalking you. Or, you can't totally escape the person — perhaps you have children together — and the sociopath uses every communication and exchange as an opportunity to harass you. An injunction or restraining order can help, but because sociopaths are so slick, it can be difficult to convince a judge that you need it. Attorney Megan Lyons will address all of these issues in her upcoming webinar. She'll explain: The …
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What sociopaths want from sex
Many, many people who were romantically involved with sociopaths have told me that the sex was amazing. Earth-moving. The best they ever had. At least, that's how it was in the beginning, while the sociopath was still reeling them in. The targets thought this amazing sex was proof of the real connection between themselves and the sociopath, proof that the two of them were wildly, deeply in love. The truth is that sociopaths are incapable of love. Oh, they're capable of feeling attraction. And they're capable of proclaiming love, very convincingly (especially when they're looking for sex). But they are not capable of genuine concern for another person's welfare, which is a key component …
New Zealand woman steals $170,000 from her mother — and loses half to love fraud
Irakau Ada Pehi, 60, who lives in Taranaki, New Zealand, was supposed to manage her 86-year-old mother's finances. Instead of paying expenses according to her mother's wishes, the woman stole $170,000. Of that money, Pehi made for bank transfers, totaling $81,000, to an overseas bank. It turned out to be a Nigerian love scam. Pehi pleaded guilty and was sentenced to a year of home detention and 200 hours of community service. Fraudster loses half of $170k she stole in Nigerian love scam, on stuff.co.nz. …
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One trait or behavior does not make a sociopath – look for a pattern of traits and behaviors
I once heard from a man, whom we'll call "Jeff," who wanted to know if the woman he was involved with, "Amanda," was a sociopath. It started as a friendly involvement, with Jeff trying to help Amanda out. Amanda, who was from a foreign country, called Jeff her "best friend." Jeff eventually started to have feelings for her. But then came a series of unsettling experiences: Amanda made pornographic videos, which were posted on the Internet. Amanda worked as an escort. Jeff offered to pay her rent, so she wouldn't have to be an escort, and Amanda agreed—and continued being an escort anyway. Then Jeff asked Amanda to sign a contract promising that she wouldn't be an escort. She …
The sociopath’s “discard” is soul destroying — you learn your “soul mate” is pure fabrication designed to con, exploit, and hurt
Every week, a chapter of my book, "Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned" (available via Amazon.com, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post. Chapter 49B: Clarity And Its Consequences With each interaction with Paul, each toxic email, each review of my scary financial situation, each new piece of evidence confirming who and what Paul really was and how much my soul and strength had been sapped in his presence over nearly two decades, depression loomed and increasingly would not be denied. It was as if the earth opened up and …
Buzzfeed reports R&B star R. Kelly keeps a “cult” of women
R. Kelly, a music superstar who has won multiple Grammy awards and sold more than 40 million records, allegedly keeps six women living in his properties in Chicago and the Atlanta suburbs, according to a report on Buzzfeed. The mother of one of the women, a 21-year-old aspiring singer, says her daughter is "being held against her will" in a "cult." The daughter says she's doing fine. Buzzfeed writes: Three former members of Kelly’s inner circle — Cheryl Mack, Kitti Jones, and Asante McGee — provided details supporting the parents’ worst fears. They said six women live in properties rented by Kelly in Chicago and the Atlanta suburbs, and he controls every aspect of their lives: dictating …
Buzzfeed reports R&B star R. Kelly keeps a “cult” of womenRead More