UPDATED FOR 2024. When you finally figure out that you're dealing with sociopaths, your state of mind is complete and utter shock. On the one hand, you are relieved to know that it's not you; something is definitely wrong with them. On the other hand, you still can't wrap your brain around their behavior.It's mind-boggling, and here's why:You probably caught some of the lies as you went along, but the sociopaths explained them away. Then you learned that the entire nature of the involvement, the entire reason they are in your life, is complete fabrication. It was never about romance, or shared goals, or family. It was about exploitation.Not only do the sociopaths exploit you and everyone …
7 reasons why psychopaths, antisocials and narcissists will not change
UPDATED FOR 2024. Once a psychopath, antisocial or narcissist is an adult, there is no therapy, and no medication, which will make him or her into a normal, loving person. This malignant person will not change.You may find this shocking. In these days of medical miracles, it's hard to believe that there is no treatment for someone who, on the surface, appears to be so normal.So why won't malignant people change? Here are seven reasons:For any therapy to work, you have to want to change. Malignants don't think there is anything wrong with them. Although you and other people are distressed by their behavior, they aren't. Therefore, they have absolutely no motivation to do the hard work of …
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10 translations of ‘I love you,’ when spoken by a sociopath
UPDATED FOR 2023. Most sociopaths are really good at proclaiming their love. They often say the words "I love you" so quickly that it surprises us — how can they already feel that way? We just met!When we question them, they respond, "You're the one I've been waiting for all my life," or, "I just know that we're perfect for each other," or something equally endearing.We want to believe them, so we do. They keep pouring it on, until we fall in love with them. The big problem, however, is that our love is real and theirs is fake.Sociopaths are incapable of love. Even though they sound sincere and convincing, they literally do not have the internal wiring that makes it possible for them to feel …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: What Would You Do?
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from the reader who posts as "SocioSibs." She asks, "what would you do?"What if you have reason to believe that someone you know is a serious danger to others? You've known this person almost all your life, grew up together in the same family.Until recently, this person had a huge menagerie of animals housed on an acre of land, including a horse, 13 dogs, 5 cats, turkeys & peacocks and possibly a parrot or 2. Yet when she abandoned the property, all but 2 dogs she took with her disappeared in a span of just weeks. Subsequent to this person's latest move (one of 25 or so over a half-century), you found a couple of canine c …
10 Reasons why sociopaths really are losers
UPDATED FOR 2023. If you're struggling to get over an encounter with a sociopath — whether a romantic relationship or some other involvement — keep this in mind: They are losers.They are not worth any emotional energy that you are spending on them, or any pain that you feel. Here's 10 reasons why: 1 Sociopaths cannot love the way you doThe root of serious personality disorders — antisocial, narcissistic, borderline and psychopathy — is an impaired ability to love. These people cannot feel empathy like you do. They are not interested in caregiving — a critical component of real love. People diagnosed as antisocials or psychopaths are not capable of love at all.2. Sociopaths can …
10 reasons why psychopaths get away with it
UPDATED FOR 2023. Why is it that psychopaths frequently get away with cheating, abuse, backstabbing, fraud, theft, and other nefarious activities — even murder? Here are 10 strategies that these exploiters may employ to escape accountability.They lie while looking you right in they eye, without a trace of nervousness or guilt. If they're caught in a lie, they easily lie to cover the lie. It's no wonder they are believed.They say they would NEVER do such a thing, and HOW can you possibly accuse THEM of such behavior? Everyone doubts you, and you even doubt yourself.If that's you, they ruin your credibility, often starting the smear campaign long before you even realize what they've done to y …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: When The Player becomes The Played
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman who we'll call Lorraine. She is 51 years old and lives in Australia. The name of the man she was involved with has been changed.I became involved with David, 49, after joining up to the dating site in September last year when I was emotionally down after a divorce and being on my own for awhile. I have heard both good and bad stories about online romances and was fully aware of women being ripped off financially. Well that was never going to happen to me, for I am too smart for that. But quite clearly not too smart for being taken emotionally.Within days of placing my profile complete with photo of myself I had received lots …
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Psychopaths as puppet masters
UPDATED FOR 2023. You and I feel personal satisfaction through accomplishment, or warm human relationships, or being of service to others.Psychopaths feel personal satisfaction through pulling the so-called strings and making people jump.They do something that they know will upset you just to see you cry. They trap you into no-win situations to watch you squirm. They devalue and discard you, so they can watch you fall apart.Why do they do this?Social motivationsThe answer lies at the heart of the personality disorder. According to Dr. Liane Leedom, psychopaths have an out-of-control power motivation.Researchers have identified four social motivations. These are basic motivations that people, …
If a sociopath cries at movies, does it mean he has feelings?
UPDATED FOR 2003. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Alana." She asks what it means when a sociopath cries.Thank you for this wonderful site. Unless you have been through it, no one can understand the insanity of a Narcissist/psychopath.There are three things that I have noticed about my Narcissist.Donna Andersen respondsBefore I address Alana's questions, I want to lay some groundwork.We all know that there is an infinite variety of people in the world. People all have different traits, behaviors, virtues, faults, habits, strengths, weaknesses, passions and fears.This applies to disordered people as well. Even when psychopaths, antisocials, narcissists and …
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Advice for dealing with sociopaths: Don’t take it personally
UPDATED FOR 2023: Lovefraud received this note from a reader; we'll call her Allison. She offers excellent advice for recovering from your entanglement with a sociopath: Don't take it personally. I want to thank everyone involved with the Lovefraud website. It is truly a gift. To the brave survivors, I wish you peace. I am a survivor myself. In fact, I'm divorcing mine as we speak. I will write my story another time because this time I only want to give a piece of advice that has helped me the most. When I was able to do this, the rest was easier to get through. I stopped taking it personally. It was not an easy task. I read everything I could get my hands on and while I learned his actions …
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