UPDATED FOR 2021 — Evil exists. That was the revelation posted back in 2014 by Richard Cohen, a columnist with the Washington Post. The world once again appears to be a dangerous place, so it seems appropriate to revisit this concept. The impetus for Cohen’s column was the atrocities committed by the Islamic State — the jihadists who overran Iraq, murdered anyone they didn't like, and beheaded American photojournalist James Foley. "I used to not believe in evil," Cohen wrote in his article, The Islamic State is evil returned. Now he does. Cohen compares the acts committed by the Islamic State to those of other purveyors of brutal atrocities Adolph Hitler and the Nazis. In the gener …
What do toxic bosses and toxic spouses have in common?
Editor's note: Caroline Parsons is an attorney from Queensland, Australia. Today she points out the big similarity between toxic bosses and toxic spouses. Learn more about Caroline Parsons on the Lovefraud Announcements page or in her author profile. By Caroline Parsons, Esq. A “toxic” boss can be described in broad terms as being self-centred, controlling (or micro-managing), manipulative and threatened by initiative. Toxic workplaces are generally characterised by in-fighting, mistrust, lack of communication and high turnover. Mis-managers enjoy pitting employees against one another, making empty promises, stealing the limelight and blaming poor performance on their employees. A “toxic” …
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Sociopathy is a spectrum — but not so bad is still bad
The New York Times publishes a feature called "Modern Love." Last week they ran an article by a woman who wrote that sociopathy is a spectrum disorder, and she has it. The author, Patric Gagne, says she knew since age seven that she was different. Because she lacked empathy and emotions, she would get in trouble for the adrenaline rush, just to be able to feel something. She was eventually diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. Recognizing that getting in trouble could lead to problems in her life, she stopped breaking into houses and instead earned a Ph.D. in psychology. She also got married and had children. Here's the article — please take a few minutes to read it: He m …
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Range of sociopathic behavior: From sleazy to serial killer
UPDATED FOR 2020: Lovefraud recently received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Jason." It's an opportunity to explain the range of sociopathic behavior. My best friend of 20 years I believe is a sociopath. It's very sad because you want to give a person the benefit of the doubt, but after awhile it becomes apparent. He displays all the characteristics of the sociopath. I'm smart, but I can't convince myself with 100% certainty that he's a sociopath (maybe most people can't.) It's hard to reconcile with it. Is there any advice you can give me? Yes, Jason. First I'll give the somewhat easy explanation; then I'll give the more technical explanation. Cluster of traits and …
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The smear campaign: when sociopaths lie about you
UPDATED FOR 2020: It's bad enough that sociopaths lie to hook you. But they also lie about you, which is known as the "smear campaign." Anything they tell you about themselves may be false — their age, education, credentials, family details, income, criminal record, job or work history. And of course, sociopaths typically lie about their relationship history and status. They claim to be single when they are married; they claim to be childless when they have many offspring — even with multiple partners. Sociopaths lie — it's the key characteristic of the disorder. When you fall for the lies, you feel like a chump. But what often turns out to be even more devastating is the lies they tell …
Comparing relationships with sociopaths and borderlines
UPDATED FOR 2020 — Editor's Note: Lovefraud received the following email from reader Victimcindy about relationships with sociopaths and borderlines. Donna Andersen responds after the letter. My first relationship, after my 18-year marriage to a sociopath, was with a borderline personality disordered (BPD) man. Do you find this common, as the disordered traits are opposite in some areas? We think we are getting something new and healthy. Comparing relationships with sociopaths and borderlines Spath vs BPD: sex My spath-ex withheld sex as power. The borderline was highly sexual. My spath-ex was charming, but lacked empathy and was emotionally unavailable. He also abused substances, w …
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The sociopathic behavior of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., CCBP, BC Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy (MSBP) is a mental health problem in which caregivers make up or cause illness or injury in a person who is under their care, according to Michigan Medicine. The victims are usually children, the disabled, or the elderly. Some experts view MSBP as a type of sociopathic behavior, specifically as a subgroup of borderline personality disorder. What does this syndrome look like? Three different experiences of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy Chloe is a grown woman who has childhood memories revolving around doctor visits, her mother's illnesses and her mother's concern about others being sick. Her mother insisted on caring for …
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Yes, many rioters are sociopaths
All across America, protests against the death of George Floyd while in police custody have devolved into riots, looting, arson and vandalism. I am willing to bet that many of the rioters are sociopaths, or followers of sociopaths. Atlantic City, New Jersey, where I live, was targeted. I went for a walk on the Boardwalk last Monday morning, as I do once or twice a week. I passed multiple stores that were boarded up — one of them after windows were smashed. The Boardwalk has been desolate since March, ever since the coronavirus closed all the casinos, restaurants and stores. Things have been eerily quite, but nothing was boarded up. That all changed when rioters came to Atlantic City — sma …
Is the corona virus a psychopath?
By Amber Ault, Ph.D., MSW The current global crisis has me thinking of you, and how folks in relationships with personality disordered people face special challenges during this pandemic emergency. Before we talk about that, let's think about how the novel coronavirus is similar to something less novel to you: the tricky, toxic patterns of folks with anti-social, narcissistic, and borderline personality problems. Listen to Amber Ault discuss Domestic Violence During Lockdown on the Insights with Dick Goldberg podcast Here's what comes to mind for me: 1. Novel coronavirus is parasitic --- exploiting the very life of a human being who was minding their own damned business when the virus …
Antisocials, psychopaths and sex: What you need to know
UPDATED FOR 2020 Most Lovefraud readers are here because you were, or are, romantically involved with someone who has a serious personality disorder. Usually romance leads to sex, although you may have noticed that sex with a an antisocial or psychopath isn't particularly romantic. The sex may be exciting, erotic and adventurous. But if you're looking for a true connection, the "sacred conjunction," you're not going to find it with an antisocial or psychopath, and here's why: Power, control and sex According to Dr. Liane Leedom, people who have antisocial or psychopathic personality disorder want three things in life: Power, control and sex. Often, sex is simply an extension of …
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