How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

You are here: Home / Archives for Letters to Lovefraud and Spath Tales

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Do I drop the restraining order again?

//  by //  45 Comments

Editor's Note. Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a woman who we'll call “Ursula.” Nine times, Ursula has filed a restraining order against her husband. Eight times she dropped it. She is due in court within a couple of weeks on the ninth order. He is pressing her to drop it, and she is wavering. It has been 8 long years, 9 restraining orders and a child and marriage together. From the first date he brought 2 roses, one because I was beautiful, the second in I was worth it at the end of the date, go figure. Then he let me into the passenger's side of the car and he came into through the drivier's side and said I failed because I didn't reach over and unlock his door before he got …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Do I drop the restraining order again?Read More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A broken military system, a simple request

//  by //  38 Comments

Editor's Note: Kathleen Mills first contacted Lovefraud in September 2006 about her military husband, who she believes is a sociopath. He filed for divorce, deployed to Iraq and refused to pay her the financial support that by law, military families are entitled to receive. A year ago Kathy sued the Ohio National Guard and the governor of Ohio. “My situation is still the same,” she wrote last week. “My husband is still committing BAH fraud, with the open knowledge not only of the Guard, but the governor's office.” Kathy Mills is editor of the divorce section of www.4militaryfamilies.com. She has been invited to testify before the House Armed Services sub-committee. The followi …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A broken military system, a simple requestRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Spiritual encouragement for survivors

//  by //  463 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we've heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation. A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful. For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the suppor …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Spiritual encouragement for survivorsRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How should I “be” around my ex?

//  by //  97 Comments

In February 1999, my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, was finished with me. I had no more money, no more credit and no more earning capacity, because my business was ruined. So Montgomery arranged for me to find out that he'd had a child with another woman during our marriage. With this, I left, as I'm sure he expected. Oh, he made a few attempts to reel me back in. “It's not what you think,” he said. “Let me explain.” I didn't. I kept driving. I never saw him again. And now, after hearing so many of your stories about the sociopaths who won't go away, I realize how lucky I was. I didn't have a child with him. I didn't have to attempt to co-parent with a sociopath, while the so …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How should I “be” around my ex?Read More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: It starts at home

//  by //  156 Comments

Editor's Note: The Lovefraud reader One_Step_at_a_Time sent the following post. Finally, after a long break, I have returned to reading The Betrayal Bond. I feel immediately open when I read the concepts presented in it, and I feel protected, like someone actually has my best interest at heart. The spath did not. And yet she did things looked like she cared for me, or perhaps she was just protecting her supply. I don't know yet, but as I remember and unravel my experience with her, I will start to write those things down, and ask here, "please decode this for me, ”˜cause I just don't know, it is too close and I cannot see the whole of its shape." Tonight, after an intense week that w …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: It starts at homeRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The private investigator’s double life

//  by //  22 Comments

Lovefraud received the following story from a woman who wanted to be referred to as "PI's ex-wife." I am a well-educated, professional, hard-working person. I moved to Utah, a divorcee with four children twenty years ago. All four of my children are college graduates, two of them are masters level, and are productive members of society. At a church function, I met an investigator with the police department and we became friends. He had all the props: his parents were active members of our church, salt of the earth, well-educated and community contributors. A few weeks after we met, HE told me that the police department was giving him a choice to resign or be fired because HE had been …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: The private investigator’s double lifeRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Vigorous campaign to portray me as angry and hostile

//  by //  103 Comments

Editor's note: On April 15, 2009, we posted “Bob's” story—Leaning on his family while battling his wife. Well, the battle continues. Bob is asking the Lovefraud community for suggestions. I recently received the email below from my P ex-wife and wanted to share it with your readers. I would like someone to analyze this to get some insight and commentary on this situation. It is so reminiscent of what I have read on Lovefraud.com and in books and comes really without surprise; it just surprises me of the lengths she will go to try to falsely trash me in an effort to obtain custody of our kids. The allegations are either fabricated or extremely exaggerated. She has a knack for manipulating p …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Vigorous campaign to portray me as angry and hostileRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I loved the person he was pretending to be.

//  by //  17 Comments

Editor's note: This story was received from a reader who goes by the name of “Elegy.” I married a sociopath. Like most of them, he came off charming and wonderful at first. We met at church. Looking back, I realize there were many red flags ”¦ but what I told myself was that you can't dismiss someone just because they're not perfect. Everyone has flaws, and he was only twenty-five. Hey, young guys (and girls) can sometimes do stupid things. Let them know what's bothering you about it and hope things change. And things did change. He would apologize. He gave me the "I had no idea" line, or the "I'm so sorry, it will never happen again" line, and it actually seemed as if it wouldn …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I loved the person he was pretending to be.Read More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: She wanted complete power and control over my dad and all his affairs

//  by //  81 Comments

Editor's note: Even in old age, sociopaths do not give up their predatory game. I've heard several stories of sociopathic senior citizens, still looking for targets. Following is one of them, submitted by a reader who we'll call “Edith.” After 40-plus years of marriage my mother died, leaving my Dad, in his 60's, bereft and vulnerable ”¦ Within a few weeks this loving man, known for his kindness, empathy and ethical character, told me about a woman in his widow/widower support group who was being very persistent in suggesting they go out for coffee or a walk and that he "wasn't ready for that." BUT HE FELT SO SORRY FOR HER because she couldn't stop crying (pity play that seemed normal und …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: She wanted complete power and control over my dad and all his affairsRead More

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Taking the red flags seriously

//  by //  44 Comments

Editor's note: Lovefraud received this e-mail from a reader who we'll call "Edna." I just had a two-month experience with a guy who, I am convinced, was grooming me for "the big scam." I had been vigilant after a financial scourge from an ex who was an alcoholic/addict. Recently, however, grieving my mother's ailing health and in a growing panic from the fires that raged in close proximity to my home, I sought some semblance of levity and allowed myself intimacy with a man, even after becoming very aware of several red flags. He seemed respectable, kind, and generous, was a friend of a friend and he loved the sun, the beach, nice dinners and good music. I finally ended things last …

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Taking the red flags seriouslyRead More