How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Avoiding narcissistic abuse and PTSD during the holidays

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M. ED, CCBT, BC “Do not just slay your demons. Dissect them and find what they’ve been feeding on.”—The Man Frozen in Time Angela was married to a personality disordered husband. She was already traumatized by the threat of danger with each day that she continued a relationship with him. With the prompting and help of her friend,  she filed for divorce. As the divorce was unfolding, her siblings, as was custom throughout the years, continued to demand her presence at all family functions. She had young children, and knew that she should not subject them to the heavy drinking and other activities not appropriate for them. Whenever Angela had ideas for other …

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Fraud at first sight — seduced by a sociopathic woman and her parents

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By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed BSC/MT Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud — Sophocles Sociopaths scramble their target’s ability to discern the truth about how a situation or person could potentially be dangerous. Our brains are designed to notice patterns, and make decisions based on the anticipation of these patterns. Because the sociopath confuses the target with lies and alternate kind/cruel behaviors, it becomes nearly impossible for the target to identify that carefully constructed façade that hides the true self, which in reality, is an empty vessel with no identity. Let us consider “Michael,” a tough military guy trained to detect danger. Michael meets Lucy …

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Sexually abused as a child, she later chose three abusive partners

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By Eleanor Cowan Bullied incessantly by an older brother, "Emily" got called fat, stupid, and ugly…all projections of her sibling’s own worst fears. From childhood, Em was sexually molested by him so much that she “got used to it.” Her mom screamed viciously at anyone not removing their filthy boots at the door, but remained silent about the muddy molestations tracked by her extremely isolated and overweight son. That’s the backstory. Fast forward fifty years. Emily just left her third partner. The first two also disqualified themselves: The first was a shameless bully. He insisted his slaps and punches were harmless, just as he emphasized that sex on demand was a marital right. F …

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How my sociopath ex-husband used lies and CPS to take my kids away

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call, "Andrea19." Names are changed. I separated from my ex husband/sociopath in May of 2014. He lied in court under oath in on February 2015 and I had full custody of both kids for 8 months. We divorced in July 2015. October 2015 we had joint custody of both kids. Then my ex had both of my kids for three weeks in a row to take them on a cruise. I had a bad feeling with him having them for an extended period and I was right. He used the time to coach my daughter to say my boyfriend at the time had inappropriately touched her. On the day my daughter went to an unscheduled counselor …

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Children with a sociopath — do you stay or do you go?

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Finally figuring out, after years of marriage and a couple of kids, that your partner is a sociopath, is a good news/bad news situation. The good news: You are not crazy. You were not imagining things and you were not overreacting. There is a bona fide, medical reason for the insanity you have been enduring — your spouse has a serious personality disorder. The bad news: Now that you know what the problem is, you need to figure out what to do about it — and all of the options are difficult. I'm writing this blog in response to the post in the Lovefraud Forum submitted by "Gccc," called 16 years, 2 children later, my life imploded. A death of sorts. Following is what she wrote. The Vo …

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Translating a sociopath’s attempts to hoover his ex-wife via text, part 2

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Editor's note: Once again, the Lovefraud reader "Maura" analyzes a sociopath's texts to her friend as he tries to hoover her back into a relationship. Read Maura's previous translation of the sociopath's hoovering. Introduction — sociopathic hoovering This is another text that my friend Annie was sent from her sociopathic ex. Four years ago, after a 17-year marriage, he abandoned her and their sons for his new flame from Craig’s list. Once again, on the surface his text seems genuinely caring and that he is truly motivated to mend his ways. However, he is a sociopath and he’s simply toying and baiting her. We’ve analysed all the standard sociopathic ploys he flips through to get a respon …

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Claudia Paradise, LCSW: How to talk to kids about an absent daddy

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Lovefraud received the following question: Can you address absent sociopathic fathers and how to respond to a young child who has begun asking about him? My 4-year-old has started talking about her “daddy,” who she could not possibly remember. The last time she saw him was when she was 2 and the total time spent with him in her lifetime has probably been 12 hours total. I have cut things off with him entirely since his last visit. Anyways, lately she pretends to call him on her toy phone, or tells me that her daddy is going to pick her up from school. I think all this talk has stemmed from her best friend at school, whose dad comes to pick her up every day. Not surprisingly, none of th …

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My ex wants to eliminate me from my son’s life

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Editors note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as "momto4kiddos." I dated my psychopath for almost 3 years. He manipulated me into having a child with him. My son is now 5 years old. I battled at court with him for 4 years now. He retained an attorney as ruthless as he is to obtain custody and put him on a path to totally eliminate me from my son’s life, including trying to put me in jail. He even filed bogus reports with CPS to have my then-boyfriend ordered out of my son’s life. My psycho took his truck door and slammed it in my son’s head causing head trauma and concussion and blamed it on my then-boyfriend. He has manipulated several people, inclu …

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At the end of our honeymoon, he FLIPPED into a different person

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "EllenMarie." I met a covert malignant narcissist on an online dating site. I had no idea such people existed. I had lost my wonderful husband of almost 30 years to cancer 4 years previously. We’d had a terrific, healthy relationship, and I wanted another one. I have two master’s degrees, one in psychiatric social work, and have always considered myself very intuitive and a good judge of character. Not this time!! I met the narcissist on Feb 3, 2017, and was thoroughly love bombed for 5 months. He proposed after 6 weeks, and we were married on June 30, 2017. I saw no red flags. He was really a pro at …

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Her daughter’s wedding should be a time of joy, but her ex is causing havoc

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from the reader who posts as "Elle." In 2014, my youngest daughter and I got a restraining order against my husband at the time due to violent rages and terrifying behavior he was exhibiting. Of course he would profess to our older 2 daughters he did nothing and we were lying … this is a man who NEVER took any responsibility for his behavior and was then and still is a pathological liar. At a divorce proceeding in April 2017, in spite of the restraining order in effect, he violated the order and I went to the police. He came after my daughter and I in the parking lot in a terrifying, arms flailing, cocky and belligerent manner sa …

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